When: Thursday August 9th, 2018.

Where: Woodley Park/Adams Morgan (Red Line)

Hares: Schrodinger’s Cock, Poon-apple Juice, Son What the Fuck?, General Tso’s Dicken, and GeriatricMandering

Virgins: Justs Pierre and Kelly
Visitors: Œdipussy, Dewalt Thunder Pussy, Sex Ray, Anal Vinyasa

Schrodinger’s Cock can see adulthood from his apartment and celebrated by treating us all to his idea of a good time: an unpleasant itching sensation and pretending to be someone else for attention. To be fair, some of those costumes were pretty darn good. There were Battledicks and He*ad Injuries and Gaybellines and at least two SchroCos. There were kitten-shirt-sporting Tragics. Some folks swapped identities. And – totally unbiased – a magnificent representation of Blow Me Closer Tiny Dancer.  Anyway, congrats to SchroCo for not dying young.

We ended things in Town Tavern and circle was brief and bibulous with birthday beverages!

Violations:

Mambo Number Hives wanted everyone to know that she “took the turkey split and solved it just fine”. Ok. 5 points to Ravenclaw. You need to know that the typo I had was Ravenclam. And I like that better. Ravenclam it is.  You are now Mambo of the House Ravenclam.

Atari 6900 showed off his inimitable style by barrel-rolling down a veritable mountain. It is unknown if he wailed anything romantic as he did so.

But the most important information… Wait Wait is one of DC’s most eligible bachelors.  This is not a joke. This is beyond humor. This has passed through joke and gone into some strange land beyond. I leave you with this fact. The pic is a link. You are not ready.

On – Undiscovered cuntry – on,

BMC Tiny Dancer

When: Thursday July 26th, 2018
Where: Dupont Circle. Go to the middle of the Circle and look for exposed midriffs.
Hares: Stain Gretzky, Slothy Seconds, Groundhog Lay, Donald Dick, Cheech & Dong, and Rail Mary
Virgins: Justs Ian, Ryan
Visitors and long time no see ums: Agent Orgy, Abominable Blowman, Areola 51, Little Thunderclap, German Dungeon Porn, Groundhog Lay

There is a famous economics principle known as the hemline index which states that higher stock prices correlate to higher hemlines. In these uncertain times, the appropriate response to a trade war and massive wealth gaps is obviously… crop tops. All of the crop tops. Enough crop tops to ward off an apocalyptic collapse. If we have not yet devolved into a barter economy  as you read this, you are welcome. 

Violations:

The poor dear Maybe It’s Gaybelline set the bar comfortingly low by failing at the down down song. In front of the virgins. While mostly sober.  I do not know if the depth of shade in my opprobrium is sufficiently clear, but y’all, I bothered to type “opprobrium.” Bless. His. Heart.

Donald Dick showed up in a corn shirt. No, not Korn, the aggressive soundtrack of my comparatively tame youth, but corn, the grain whose major redeeming qualities are subsidies and horror movies tortillas and fermentability. We are fortunate it did not display beans or squash, as it turns out the gentleman in question profoundly misunderstood the concept of “crop top.”

Why’s the Cum Gone was encouraged by the admiration of a dirty old muggle and is rejoicing to have found his demographic. It’s not teen girls. Several of those pointed and laughed. Haters gonna hate, Cummer, don’t you let them dim your shine.

Atari 6900 brought out pizza, ate it on trail, didn’t share it, and ran off. He was righteously violated in absentia for a malicious dine and dash.

To cap off the ill-advised shenanigannery, Slut Machine and (shocking) Gaybelline were overheard discussing a found tampon and the use of this item to rectally administer tequila to the aforementioned dick-waving wonderboy. 1) The title of this specific bad decision is a Tequila Moonrise, and 2) I’m pretty sure that tampon was legitimately scared that things were about to take a dark turn.

On a positive note, L’Chymen was commended for trading crop-tops with the surly scribe. Defying all reason, physics, and the hopes of an entire pack, the shirt managed to contain L’Chymen‘s …tracts of land.

There was no naming, and we happily fucked off to Recessions!

On – Midriffs and Merriment – On,

BMC Tiny Dancer


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Together with their hares
Red Vag of Courage; Hungry, Hungry Homo; Red, White, and Poo; Sphincter Shy; and Deathly Swallows

Cum Locker
and
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Cock

Cordially invite you to their White Dress Run!
Wear your white dresses and we’ll meet you at the chapel(s)!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday August 16th, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: L’Enfant Plaza – Maryland Ave/7th Street exit – follow marks to start in Hancock Park!

Hares: Red Vag of Courage; Hungry Hungry Homo, Red, White, and Poo; Sphincter Shy; and Deathly Swallows,

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. No immediate worry about PI. Dog-friendly, but watch out for the urban hazards. It should be a lovely day for a white wedding. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun and WEAR A WHITE DRESS!

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4.5 miles long (about 2.5 miles first half and 2 miles second half). Walkers’ trail is half-ish the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of Navy Yard:
Greenbelt: 11:22 pm
Branch Ave: 11:48 pm

On After: Mission (Navy Yard)

Specials: Wearing sweaty white dresses in a new bar. Also, other specials TBD.