EWH3 Trash #1050: THE VALENTINE’S DAY TRAIL! – 6:45 PM THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 15TH – BETHESDA – RED LINE


When:
6:45 PM Thursday February 15th, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!
Where: Bethesda Metro Station
Hares: All Flash No Drive!, Wait Wait Don’t Fuck Me!, Mambo Number Hives!, Geriatric Mandering!

Virgins: No one made it through Valentine’s Day with their virginity intact

Visitors: I Prefer BJs

What better way to spend the ides(-ish) of February than with a pack of drunks wearing pink? It was tres romantique! To me, poetry is one of the most heartfelt ways to show someone you care, so I decided to spread the love by sharing some of the works I penned under my nom de plume, William Shakes-beer.

Unfortunately, fate had another idea and we found ourselves at Caddies on Cordell. Ok, so maybe things weren’t happening exactly as planned, but we persevered. I present to you, an anthology of poetry, simply titled Trail Ten-Fiddy.

Anal Fission – a haiku
You passed out dick picks
But… it fits in my pocket
Soooo dissapointing

 

General Tso’s Dicken
Once upon a beer check
There was a Port-o-John
But the General didn’t notice
She was too far gone

No matter how L’Chymen cried
She didn’t hear her plea
She ran across the playground
And pissed, behind a tree

Just Katie
Roses are red
Violets are blue
PITA brought her own damn mug
You should have, too!

Chaffed and Confused – a cinquain
Sea Sponges
Confusing, Wet
Sitting, Not Sinking, Floating
Who put them there?
Sea Sponges

TWINS! – an acrostic
(In honor of Bipolar Bear, You Can’t Handle the Poop, Schrödinger’s Cock, and Just Bro-I mean, Cody)

wo people that look alike


ho would have guessed?


t’s like we did laundry, but..


  ext time, don’t use bleach and


ometimes, hot water isn’t a good idea

 

 

Deetz Nuts – a limerick
There once was a torch from the hash
Which Deetz thought he’d use to bash
Some tough thug of a man
Who had a different plan
And now Deetz has a really weird rash..

 

 

We were already at the bar, scaring patrons and making bad choices, so we stayed there for a while longer.

On – Be Mine – On
Poon-apple Juice

EWH3 Hash Trash #1049 – The Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Trail! – February 8th – Foggy Bottom

Showtime: 6:45 PM Thursday February 8th, 2018

Theater: Foggy Bottom Metro Station

Crew (Hares): Head Injury, Deetz Nuts, General Tso’s Dickin’, Special Head Kid, Just Odin, and Just Eric

Introducing, the Virgins: Just Tristan, Just Katie, Just Nathan

With Special Appearance By (Our Transplant): Just Alan 

Another trail, another movie I haven’t seen. I’m sure I can make this work, though.

Synopsis:

Mary Poppins (1964)  follows a young woman, who is most definitely a witch of some sort, as she forays into the wild world of an au pair. Her two mischievous (and possibly diabetic?) charges feel they have a strained relationship with their father.

Desperate for a strong male influence, they turn to Bert, a Cockney chimney sweep (played by Dick Van Dyke, of course), to fill that role.
After a rousing musical number involving dancing penguins goes awry, Mary is forced into exile, leaving only the children’s parents to care for them.



Yeah, that can’t be right.

Let’s revisit our friends at IMdB, to find out:
What exactly
is so poppin’ about Mary?

 

“Its old-fashioned charm is timeless.”Atreyu_II

“Great dancing sequences, and especially those gorgeous songs (each one of them great).”gue_gg_ila

I don’t seem to recall much dancing on trail, although I had better things to focus on.  

“What won me over was the ending.”Spleen

“Anarchy in a sensible package.” – Quentintarantado

Ok, once again: Spot. On.

Scenes:

The Hares were violated for failing to mark their false trails. This isn’t the first time they’ve ended all this foreplay with such a let down.

Speaking of letting people down, A Midsemester Night’s Cream didn’t service her virgin tonight. Despite my offer to compensate anyone who could right her wrong, it appears that no one was able to deliver.

Otto Von Jizzmark was spotted at beer check wearing a space blanket, similar to this:

 

It was also brought to my attention that he will be missing this year’s WIE festivities to participate in a marathon. Does that make him a Space Race-ist?

(I shouldn’t admit this, but I will. I actually didn’t even get that joke at first…)

 


Texas Hold Him and Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me were violated for sharing their encyclopedic knowledge of STD’s. It’s not surprising. After all, experience
is the best teacher.

End Credits:
Are you interested in haring a trail,but lacking inspiration? Here are ten more movies that I haven’t seen:

Die Hard
Thor (I’m really looking forward to a Real Housewives of Asgard trail, tbh)
Caddyshack
Forrest Gump
Gone With the Wind
Alien
(April 26th is ‘Alien Day’ and coincidentally, an open date)
Jaws
Risky Business
Fifty Shades of Grey
The Terminator

After the credits, there’s always a bonus scene. This week was no different.

The Naming of Just Nobanza

One fateful November day in 2011 (the 16th to be precise), Just Nobanza arrived in the States, all the way from Cameroon. Fast forward to 2014 and he found himself wishing he were as happy as the people at the Rhode Island Metro Station. That quest led him to hashing. He’s quite fond of guavas, and pooping in metro stations. Despite having no idea what a boner is, he sure has gotten a lot of them. Once while eating spicy fish (and later spicing some fish tacos), and another time while attempting to entice a woman in an avocado tree to take off her panties. He’s generally pretty quiet during sex, but would get vocal for Belle or women named Linda in guava trees. Despite the pack’s fixation on guavas (how many times can I use the word guava before it gets weird? Guava.) and contenders such as Belle of the Ball Sack and Boner? I Hardly Know Her!, it was ultimately Sham Rock Your Cock who re-purposed Just Nobanza’s own quote to name him: What’s a Boner?

And with that, we wrapped up the 1049th hash (not the 1050th, Stain) and floated away to Froggy Bottom.

 

 

 

 

On – Was the guava better than the sex? – On
Poon-apple Juice

EWH3 Hash Trash #1048: THE WIE-VELATION TRAIL! – FEBRUARY 1ST – SMITHSONIAN

EWH3 Hash Trash #: 1048 The WIE-velation Trail

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, February 1st, 2018

Where: Smithsonian Metro Station

Hares: Whoregon Trail, Texas Hold Him, Rosetta Bone, Sphincter Shy, You Sucked My Battledick, Just Suzanna

Virgins: Just Ruff, Just Sara

Visitors: Night Stalker

On-After: Tortilla Coast

So, yesterday was Groundhog’s Day and I’m a little sad that the hares didn’t take advantage of the opportunity to use that theme for this trail. We could have just gone around the same block 12,395 times, sang some Sonny and Cher, and moved on to the bar. Really, it would have been easier for everyone.

But wait (wait)…
If you just rolled your eyes at my misguided attempt at continuing this joke, Ctrl+F “lame”
If you’re willing to play along for a bit, Ctrl+F ”leggo”


lame 

Violations:
The runners found themselves bounding over vegetables on the street. Looks like the Hares had their salad tossed!

Story Time!
One of our Virgins, Just Ruff, was browsing MeetUp looking for a r*nning group. She showed up to Smithsonian and there we were. BUT it has cum to our attention that she did not intend to lose her virginity (does anyone ever really?). Turns out, she had meant to join up with the Capitol Striders. She was commended not only for making the right choice, but for being the only one in circle who was not ashamed of the mistakes that led to their first time.

We learned that Geriatric Mandering prefers to brew crew in the summer, because it gets her wet. Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me is also easily excited by beer, but only one of his nipples gets hard.

After briefly trying to rationalize the situation, and then realizing I’m insane, you take advantage of the drink options and find that your actions have no long-term consequences (read: hangovers).

If you pour yourself another beer, Ctrl+F “Bud”
If you take a shot instead, Ctrl+F “vodka”


leggo

Violations:
The runners found themselves bounding over vegetables on the street. Looks like the Hares had their salad tossed!

Story Time!
One of our Virgins, Just Ruff, was browsing MeetUp looking for a r*nning group. She showed up to Smithsonian and there we were. BUT it has cum to our attention that she did not intend to lose her virginity (does anyone ever really?). Turns out, she had meant to join up with the Capitol Striders. She was commended not only for making the right choice, but for being the only one in circle who was not ashamed of the mistakes that led to their first time.

We learned that Geriatric Mandering prefers to brew crew in the summer, because it gets her wet. Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me is also easily excited by beer, but only one of his nipples gets hard.

After briefly trying to rationalize the situation, and then realizing I’m insane, you take advantage of the drink options and find that your actions have no long-term consequences

After briefly trying to rationalize the situation, and then realizing I’m insane, you take advantage of the drink options and find that your actions have no long-term consequences (read: hangovers).
If you pour yourself another beer, Ctrl+F “PBR”
If you take a shot instead, Ctrl+F “tequila!”


Violations:

shut up Bud

The runners found themselves bounding over vegetables on the street. Looks like the Hares had their salad tossed!

Story Time!
One of our Virgins, Just Ruff, was browsing MeetUp looking for a r*nning group. She showed up to Smithsonian and there we were. BUT it has cum to our attention that she did not intend to lose her virginity (does anyone ever really?). Turns out, she had meant to join up with the Capitol Striders. She was commended not only for making the right choice, but for being the only one in circle who was not ashamed of the mistakes that led to their first time.

We learned that Geriatric Mandering prefers to brew crew in the summer, because it gets her wet. Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me is also easily excited by beer, but only one of his nipples gets hard.

You revel in this situation for a long time: seducing beautiful women, stealing money, even experiencing a police chase. However, your attempts to seduce one specific person are met with repeated failure. You begin to tire of, then dread, your existence.

Do you:
… Destroy your alarm clock everyday and profess the inanity of the holiday? (Ctrl+F “smash”)
Or< … Kidnap Punxsutawny Phil? (Ctrl+F “taken”)


vodka annoyed


Violations:
The runners found themselves bounding over vegetables on the street. Looks like the Hares had their salad tossed!

Story Time!
One of our Virgins, Just Ruff, was browsing MeetUp looking for a r*nning group. She showed up to Smithsonian and there we were. BUT it has cum to our attention that she did not intend to lose her virginity (does anyone ever really?). Turns out, she had meant to join up with the Capitol Striders. She was commended not only for making the right choice, but for being the only one in circle who was not ashamed of the mistakes that led to their first time.

We learned that Geriatric Mandering prefers to brew crew in the summer, because it gets her wet. Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me is also easily excited by beer, but only one of his nipples gets hard.

You initially try to seduce a virgin by learning as much as you can on a daily basis. You learn what they like (rocky road ice cream, sweet vermouth, French poetry) and what they don’t (white chocolate). You pretend to share those tastes.
If this furthers your relationship, Ctrl+F “bonus”
If you realize you are living a lie , Ctrl+F “lies”


PBR


Violations:
The runners found themselves bounding over vegetables on the street. Looks like the Hares had their salad tossed!

Story Time!
One of our Virgins, Just Ruff, was browsing MeetUp looking for a r*nning group. She showed up to Smithsonian and there we were. BUT it has cum to our attention that she did not intend to lose her virginity (does anyone ever really?). Turns out, she had meant to join up with the Capitol Striders. She was commended not only for making the right choice, but for being the only one in circle who was not ashamed of the mistakes that led to their first time.

We learned that Geriatric Mandering prefers to brew crew in the summer, because it gets her wet. Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me is also easily excited by beer, but only one of his nipples gets hard.

You revel in this situation for a long time: seducing beautiful women, stealing money, even experiencing a police chase. However, your attempts to seduce one specific person are met with repeated failure. You begin to tire of, then dread, your existence. Do you:

… Destroy your alarm clock everyday and profess the inanity of the holiday? (Ctrl+F “annoyed”);”>
Or
… Kidnap Punxsutawny Phil? (Ctrl+F “misdemeanor”)>


tequila!

Violations:
The runners found themselves bounding over vegetables on the street. Looks like the Hares had their salad tossed!

Story Time!
One of our Virgins, Just Ruff, was browsing MeetUp looking for a r*nning group. She showed up to Smithsonian and there we were. BUT it has cum to our attention that she did not intend to lose her virginity (does anyone ever really?). Turns out, she had meant to join up with the Capitol Striders. She was commended not only for making the right choice, but for being the only one in circle who was not ashamed of the mistakes that led to their first time.

We learned that Geriatric Mandering prefers to brew crew in the summer, because it gets her wet. Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me is also easily excited by beer, but only one of his nipples gets hard.

Liquor is probably the best solution, you think to yourself, wondering how long this will go on.
If you take this time to finally get some damn peace and quiet, Ctrl+F “shut up”
If you immediately lose your mind, Ctrl+F “crazy”


smash bonus hopeless


Violations:
The runners found themselves bounding over vegetables on the street. Looks like the Hares had their salad tossed!

Story Time!
One of our Virgins, Just Ruff, was browsing MeetUp looking for a r*nning group. She showed up to Smithsonian and there we were. BUT it has cum to our attention that she did not intend to lose her virginity (does anyone ever really?). Turns out, she had meant to join up with the Capitol Striders. She was commended not only for making the right choice, but for being the only one in circle who was not ashamed of the mistakes that led to their first time.

We learned that Geriatric Mandering prefers to brew crew in the summer, because it gets her wet. Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me is also easily excited by beer, but only one of his nipples gets hard.

Upon waking (again), you decide share your circumstances — how you are reliving the circle over and over again — and manage to convince another of the truth with your extensive knowledge of violations to come.
Opening up to another has broken the cycle, Ctrl+F “sweet freedom”


taken lies misdemeanor crazy


Violations:
The runners found themselves bounding over vegetables on the street. Looks like the Hares had their salad tossed!

Story Time!
One of our Virgins, Just Ruff, was browsing MeetUp looking for a r*nning group. She showed up to Smithsonian and there we were. BUT it has cum to our attention that she did not intend to lose her virginity (does anyone ever really?). Turns out, she had meant to join up with the Capitol Striders. She was commended not only for making the right choice, but for being the only one in circle who was not ashamed of the mistakes that led to their first time.

We learned that Geriatric Mandering prefers to brew crew in the summer, because it gets her wet. Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me is also easily excited by beer, but only one of his nipples gets hard.

You’ve snapped and decided to kidnap the darn groundhog, in hopes of escaping this menial terror. After a police pursuit, you drive a stolen truck into a quarry, causing both hasher and rodent to die in a fiery explosion; but the loop does not stop.
If you continue on devoid of all hope, Ctrl+F “hopeless”
If this event leads you to seek a professional opinion, Ctrl+F “help”


sweet freedom help

When we finally broke out of the seemingly infinite loop of violations, Wait Wait emerged, saw his shadow, and promptly ran off to Tortilla Coast, without a naming in sight.

 

On – &on&on&on&on& -On

Poon-apple Juice

 

EWH3 Hash Trash #: 1047 The Drunk History Part Deux Trail!

EWH3 Hash Trash #: 1047 The Drunk History Part Deux Trail!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, January 25th, 2018– pack away 7:15 PM

Where: Gallery Place – Chinatown (Red/Green/Yellow)

Hares: GeriatricMandering, Bumspringa, A Midsemester Night’s Cream, Pinocchi-Ho, Please Step Away From the Whores, and Unobtainium

Virgins: Just Michiko

Visitors: Twat My Mom, Fetch

On-After: Union Pub

This sure was a trail to go down in the anals of EWH3 history. It was almost as cold as the ice that they found old Otzi the Iceman in. It was almost as long as the march that the Mormon Battalion made from Iowa to San Diego. But in the end each weary hasher and hariette fulfilled their destinies, obeying the call of fate, by making it to the end circle.

Those who heard the siren slosh of beer made it to Union Pub, to be greeted by the siren song of drunk biddies shouting cuntry music while festooned in Mardi Gras beads.

Violations

  • When the hash sang their welcoming song to Masshole Twat My Mom, they may or may not have been directing their “fuck him’s” to Tom Brady
  • Two English-sounding muggles inquired what the hash was running to on the street. Stain Gretzky (in her best Harry Potter voice) kindly informed them, “to a pint”
  • Quid Pro Blow received a touching gift from their secret admirer cum grocery store cashier. The response to a banana and two limes may just be unrequited love
  • Cum Dumpling, George Stuffed an Octopus, PSA, and Tuck Tuck Deuce were violated for being … historical
  • L’hymen was violated for calling it a “Jew star”

No Naming

On – History isn’t just what’s in the books, its what you make of your life 😉 – on,

Jack

EWH3 #1046: The Mission…Probable Incumming Mismanagement Trail! – January 18th – Woodley Park-Zoo/Adams Morgan Metro (Red Line)

EWH3 #1046: The Mission…Probable Incumming Mismanagement Trail! – January 18th – Woodley Park-Zoo/Adams Morgan Metro (Red Line)
When: January 18, 2018
Where: Woodley Park-Zoo/Adams Morgan (Red Line)
Hares: Head Injury, Colliteral Damage, Deetz Nuts, Please Step Away from the Whores, Throbbin Hood, and Too Easy
Virgins: Just Curtis
Visitors: Just Lindsey (NOT Lindsay)
On-After: Town Tavern, but we were already there

Did you know this trail was “Mission: Impossible” themed? Yeah, neither did I.
I’ve never seen any of the movies in the franchise, so I’m outsourcing this next part to IMDb.

“Okay, so a lot of the stunts were a bit far fetched but what does it matter when they were so entertaining?” THFC

“Mission Impossible isn’t flashy or action packed” callanvass

“Mission: Impossible isn’t a great film, but it is a good, effective one.” rparham

“The big twist at the end is shocking to say the least. Some would say it didn’t make much sense, I personally thought it was a nice touch, because the film needed to end with a big bang, and I thought it did just that!” callanvass

“At the time of it’s release, Mission: Impossible was criticized for being so complicated as to be undecipherable, and while it is indeed complex, it is not impossibly so.” –rparham

Hmm.. complicated and undecipherable? Ended with a big bang? Maybe the theme was more accurate than I initially thought.

“The only thing missing are some operatic sex scenes” –tieman64

Yea, that actually sounds exactly right.

Let’s violate some bitches

  • Wait Wait Don’t Fuck Me told us about a time he was power walking to the tune of Blurred Lines. 

heyheyhey

  • Sally the Jizzhound was feeling super salty about the lack of tits on trail. Luckily, Blow Me Closer Tiny Dancer was there to help him with some visualization exercises.
  • Just Erik and Just (Definitely not John, but I don’t actually know his name) were heard prepping Just D for her first water sports experience. Girl, take a look around. We have volunteers who are way more qualified to help.
  • Schrodinger’s Cock was seen spitting on trail. Like, a lot. Don’t you know that spitters are quitters? (but don’t worry, I know the feeling)

  • General Tso’s Dicken’s giant chain was a nice departure from her typical Thursday night hash attire of a pearl necklace. No wait, that’s later. The only question that remains: Is it a  Biggy or a Smalls? Shame on everyone in the pack who didn’t get this joke.

We didn’t name anyone, so take the time you would have wasted reading about that to familiarize yourself with this fine gentleman’s entire discography.


We were already in Town Tavern, so we just stayed there.

On – J’adore quand ils m’appellent Big Poppa – On
Juicy J

 

BIG ANNOUNCEMENTS

Mark Your Calendars
…for WIIIIIIIEEEE! March 9-11, 2018. Details to cum.

Want to hare?

Virgin and experienced hares needed! Just want to assist? Let me know and I’ll find an established trail for you to join! Check the hareline and then email me to reserve a date (ewh3harerazor@gmail.com). Next Open Date February 8th!

Want to Brew Crew?
Your Brewmeister needs brew crew!! Contact him at ewh3brewmeister@gmail.com

EWH3 Listserves
Friend forward this to you? Sign up for the trail announcement listserve here! Also, sign up here for the EWH3 (non-trail announcement) listserve!

Beltway Bob
Thirsty after work on Friday? Check out the most-always metro friendly Beltway Bob Hash Happy Hour http://www.dchashing.org/community/beltwaybob/. Tell them you’re from EWH3 and then drink everyone under the table.

EWH3 #1010 Hodor Memorial Trail! – June 1st – Rhode Island Ave Metro – (Red Line)

EWH3 #1010 Hodor Memorial Trail! – June 1st – Rhode Island Ave Metro – (Red Line)
When: June 1, 2017
Where: Rhode Island Ave Metro (Red Line)
Hares:  Maybe It’s Gaybelline, Sphincter Shy, Whoregon Trail, Chicks Ahoy, Tragic Carpet Ride, Bow Chick a Bow Wow, and Just Basement Liz
Virgins: Just Dave, Just Jim, Just Serg (I think. I can’t read my handwriting.)
Visitors: Fetch, Abandon Bitch, Lock Jaw, Pasta in my Pants
On-After: Driftwood Kitchen

 

Somebody once told me the world was going to roll me… Sorry, sorry. Reflex. Starting again. Ahem.

 

Somebody once told me that to hashers, any day can be Halloween. All you need is a little creativity, a little glitter, and a closet filled to the brim with costumes that you hope one day a relative isn’t going to have to unexpectedly clear out. There were so many great costumes at trail. It’s almost like hashers are all secret Renaissance Festival fetishists with a suitcase under their bed filled with leather corsets and questions for their grieving mother.

 

Violations
  • Tuck Tuck Deuce really got into the theme and came all dressed up, thought I wasn’t aware there were leprechauns in Game of Thrones.
  • Tragic Carpet Ride had so many options! He could have come as The Mountain! Or, more obviously as Hodor. But since we all remember when he flashed us at the 1000 trail a few weeks back, so it makes sense that he came as Little Finger.
    • Follow up violation. TCR only said “Hodor” all night long. It was the best conversation we have ever had.
  • Coliteral Damage came up and proudly exclaimed “Look at my scales!” Way to own your psoriasis.
  • Stain Gretzky ran past a loudly barking dog on trail and said “That dog is too chubby to be so aggressive.” I can’t believe she fat-shamed a dog. Not cool.
  • To celebrate arriving at End Circle, Maybe It’s Gaybelline pour his leftover flour all over his head. Maybe we should have renamed him to “Maybe It’s Head and Shoulders.” (At this point everyone did that fucking head joke. I knew it was going to happen, and I ain’t even mad. Worth it.)
After I made fun of everyone for what they were wearing like it was a junior high dance that no one asked me to, we had a very solemn occasion. A naming!
This evening we got to know Just Katie a little better. JK works at the zoo and spends most of her days jerking off pandas. Someone wondered how she learned how to do it, but like most of us, it was probably a bit of trial and error. She also shared a fun fact about pandas pooping glitter. No wonder pandas are going extinct. If someone jerked me off all day and fed me glitter, I’d die a happy man. She told us some great stories about sex and pooping in buses. I don’t think these were the same occasion, she just loves mass transit. But she kinda fixated us with the panda jerking stuff, so we named her Eats Bush and Leaves.

 

Afterwards we all went to Driftwood Kitchen to debate which of the dragons is sexier.
On – And all that glitters is gold – On
Texas Hold Him

EWH3 Hash Trash #1007: The Charming Old Bastards Trail May 11 Eisenhower Ave

EWH3 Hash Trash #1007: The Charming Old Bastards Trail May 11 Eisenhower Ave
 
When: May 11, 2017
Where: Eisenhower Ave Metro (Yellow Line)
Hares: Can’t find Pussy in a Haystack, CumDumpling, Generals Farm Animal, and Put It Out
Virgins: Maybe a guy named Just Peregrine?
Visitors: Nope… but I forget
On-After: San Antonio Bar & Grill
Everyday is Wednesday has the reputation of being a hash for sexy youngesters to hang out, run with other young attractive people, maybe buy them a drink at a bar filled with even more conventionally appealing, sexually adventurous Millennials. And that is true (tell your friends!), but we also have some olds! Don’t underestimate them: these handsome devils can drink you under the table and then crawl down there with you to show you a thing or two about a thing or two. And also Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack is here!
Trail was in the depths of Virginia and a little bit rainy – but that’s the only way Generals Farm Animal gets a lady wet anymore, so I’ll forgive them. Also, trail was a lot like old-people sex: short, unexciting, and if no ones dies it’s chalked up as a win.
Violations
  • CumDumpling‘s aging prostate betrayed him and he had to pee in front of the van at start. Good thing his dick fits inside his hand so he didn’t flash God and country. He said he was checking the radiator. I don’t think that’s the right kind fluid?
  • GeneralsFarmAnimal– asked the walkers if they wanted to do shiggy on trail. I guess in his senility he forgot that walkers barely  want to walk on trail. If he arranged a HoverAround trail it would have clenched 1007 as best theme of the year.
  • Cheech and Dong mentioned that the Montana rocky mountain oyster eating contest is all the game she gets. She should be flattered that men fry their testicles to get them in her mouth. (Want to learn more about Cheech and man oysters? Check out the trash for the 1005 trail. We all love a call back!)
  • Tuck Tuck Deuce, who didn’t meet the criteria to hare this trail because it was supposed to be charming old men, was commended for not missing a beat when faced with running through the culvert. He saw a light at the end of a tunnel and just went for it.
  • Speaking of tunnels and balls, Maybe It’s Gaybelline hiked his kilt up in the tunnel and showed everyone his. That’s a great way to get a UTI: by being around Gabyelline’s al fresco balls.
It was wet, and there weren’t any whippersnappers around to listen to stories about walking long distances so everyone went to a bar.
 on –  -on
Texas Hold Him

EWH3 Hash Trash #1005: Anal Mountain High Enough Trail! April 27th – Van Ness

EWH3 Hash Trash #1005: Anal Mountain High Enough Trail! April 27th – Van Ness

Virgins – Just Michael, Just Katie, Just Becca, Just Alyssa
Visitors – Jiggle Tits, Spread Eagle Scout Master, Just John, Phallus Down the River, Down Down in Diapers Hole
On-after – Guapos
Welcome to Montana. Where the men are cowboys, and the women are also cowboys because gendered occupation names were outmoded in 1864, when the Montana Territory was created. Montana, home of the famous “All-Nighter Head of JFK”, a bust of our late party-president looking rougher than Homo on the Range after the 2017 Prairie Hand spinners Fiber Fest in Billing, MT. He heard he was going to be spun like a top, but didn’t expect so many people to ask to see his spindle.
Bowser Ronaldo is 2017’s version of All-Nighter JFK.
Montana has given us some wonderful hashers, and also the greatest girls basketball team of 1904. Said of the monument to this feat: ” A big arch proudly announces that the team was 1904 World Champions, which, technically, they were.” This reminds me to congratulate Cheech and Dong on her ball eating win at Testy Fest. If only the balls consumed occurred during the eating competition and not while judging the Big Balls contest.
Violations:
FukuShemale – Heard there was someone else wearing an inflatable T-Rex costume and said “I must fight him.” Well, it was a lady, and you’d still lose.
  • Sphincter Shy and Hercu-Please – were running through Howard’s campus shirtless in some very short shorts and some frat douche yelled “Y’all are gay!” Herc looked at Sphincter and said, “Do you think it’s the glitter?”
  • Tuck Tuck Deuce – overheard at Beer check giving advice on having a slender arm in photos. Step one: start with Tuck’s skeleton arm
  • Homo on the Range regaled this scribe with a story about a Montana man who survived a bear attack by shoving his arm down it’s throat to gag him. If Homo ever needed a bear without a gag reflex, he knows where I am.
  • Chokes One Out – admitted to being a person who defriends people on their birthday to soften the blow. 1) they don’t get a notice, 2) what a shitty present: “this is the last perfunctory, half-hearted happy birthday post you’ll get from me!”, and 3) that’s an amateur move since the best practice is to unfollow them, in case their lives turn into complete garbage and you want to go back and revel in it.
  • Mouthful of Clams – after partaking in the whiskey shot check couldn’t get up the bank so asked to be boosted from behind. I too sometimes ask for rear-assistance when the whiskey impacts my ability to get it up.

We laughed, we sang, and we didn’t like anyone enough to learn more about them. Everyone took Lookout Pass to Guapo’s, because there is never a bad time for a margarita.

On – Born to be Badlands – On

Texas Hold Him

 

EWH3 Hash Trash #1043: The Return of the Snuggie Trail! January 4th – Metro Center

EWH3 Hash Trash #1043: The Return of the Snuggie Trail! January 4th – Metro Center

When: 6:45 PM Thursday January 4, 2018.

Where: Metro Center (12th & F St. Exit)

Hares: GeriatricMandering, Head Injury, Stain Gretzky, Moose Knuckles, and Quantum Whizics.

VisitorsIce Ice Lai Me

 

On After: Hamilton’s Bar & Grill 233 2nd St NW

Brrrr, this Bomb Cyclone sure is chilly. Yet on the evening of January 4th, a score and more of Hashers braved the cold in order to imbibe in their beverage of choice: beer. Let’s take a closer look at events that took place.

Special Head Kid was heard on trail exclaiming, “I am a start!” No SHK, you’re a special snowflake!

Dial F regaled the runners with a humorous interpretation of It’s A Wonderful Life upon hearing the toll of the bells at the Old Post Office. “Every time a bell rings, a Hasher gets their beer!” Guess he heard some rings before trail!

The RA, Schödinger’s Cock, was violated for the incredible cold experienced during trail. I suppose there’s been a…shrinkage…in his abilities!

And last on this list but first in our hearts, Nobody Puts Gaybe in a Corner admitted to the pack that the frigid wind was the second worst thing to hit him in the face that day. What was the first, a Bomb Cyclone? Of cum?

The trail ended within the warm walls of Hamilton’s and so the pack sauntered over to the next room and ins0lated from the cold. Also, there was no naming. Also, this was Wait Wait’s last evening as Scribe. So many thoughts.

On-brrrr-On

Wait Wait, Don’t Fuck Me

EWH3 Hash Trash #1039: EDubs turns 18! Trail!

EWH3 Hash Trash #: 1039 EDubs turns 18! Trail

When:  6:45 PM Thursday, December 7th, 2017–  pack away 7:15 PM

Where:  Virginia Square- GMU Metro (Orange/Silver)

Hares:  Big Bang, Blows A Tranny, Duck Job, Monday Sticky Monday, Put It Out, Wax On Wacks Off

Virgins:  Nobanza, Karan, Matthew, Chris, Amanda, David, and Hope

Visitor:  Children of the Cornhole, Princess Albert, Scouts Onher

On-After:  Buffalo Wild Wings

When EWH3 transitions from adolescence to adulthood, it’s not the ability to purchase porn or cigarettes, drive, vote, or even enlist that makes us excited. No, I’m not even saying that because no one purchases porn anymore because we have a free and open internet. it’s because WE’RE LEGAL!

I’m so excited that we no longer have to ask for permission to attend school events, now we can just show up! So convenient!

…That’s how this works, right?

Violations

  • Just Lauren took a stand as an American citizen by peeing on the Department of Commerce. Actions s-pee-ak louder than words when it comes to Making America Great Again.

  • The hash was clued into Fukushemale’s proclivity for “strongwristing” or “ironfisting” or some other aggressive mechanism for hand-in-butt action and were recommended to seek out or avoid him at the on-after as applicable

  • Many hashers and hariettes attempted to show off their blowing skills at the firepit lovingly set up for us at beer check, some more elegantly than others. Blowing on a fire, or catching on fire, is a sure fire way to impress that smokin hottie you’ve been eying on trail.

  • The Artist Formerly Known As Diddler on the Roofie (Come Peg Me) landed a whopper, remonstrating the hares for abandoning the hash in infancy and showing up, like the deadbeats they are, when we turned 18. No, daddy, no.

No Naming

On – BEGONE ROY MORE – on,

Jack

PS: TREE HOUSES IN ROCK CREEK PARK IS A GREAT IDEA