EWH3 #712: The Brown vs. Bored of Education Memorial Trail, Thursday, May 16th, 2012

Where: Virginia Square Metro (Orange Line Metro) Follow the marks to the start

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, May 17th, 2012. Pack away at 7:15ish.

Hares: St. Pauli’s Girl, Assflac, Cock Soup, Just CJ, Just Stephanie, and mystery walkers hare

Misc: A to A’ (ish – on after is closer to Ballston metro, but not by a whole lot).   With all the rain cummin’ up definitely bring a change of shoes and probably clothes too.  Runner’s trail is for super dogs only (walker’s trail is fine for the pups).  Funner’s will feature a Turkey Eagle split, and will require a head lamp.  Please know that the Eagle trail is much like Wu Tang Clan or a broken condom – it ain’t nutin’ to f*ck wit.  PI is out in full force although the hares didn’t initially see any along the way – protect yo’ self!  Finally, Plan B is getting more and more stuffed – while she likes it a bit please remember to pack light!  We don’t need to see your laptop, hockey bag, toiletry kit, pinata from your 6th birthday and hashing gear all in there – just choose one (hashing gear hint hint nudge nudge) and PACK LIGHT!

 

On on on:  
First Down

4213 north Fairfax Drive Arlington, VA 22203 (703) 465-8888

Specials:   $4.25 for 24oz. cans of Bud Light, Miller Lite, Coors Light; $15 all-you-can-eat wings and chicken tend

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, April 26, 2012. Pack away at 7:15ish or whenever the GM damn well pleases.

Hares: Red Vag of Courage, Gaystation, Six Fags, and London Bitches

On on on: Tortoise and the Hare  (except actually Freddie’s!!!)

We circled up in a rather lovely park, directly across from the pre-lube station.  Plan B was a ways away (and somewhat confused with another kidnapper-style white van).  I didn’t go over, but I hear that she was remarkably less stuffed than usual – good job wankers!  Oh, and we had a freakishly small crowd (apparently the 5-0 scared off last week’s plethora o’ virgins)

Speaking of virgins – we welcomed Just John, another John, Meredith, Lang, Phoebe and Drew.

Our visitor was Blow in Place from Okinawa

Trail was long, hilly and suburban.  Therefore, shitty.  There was one frosty cool drink check, in the woods (which, btw was preceded by a playground – the children on which asked us if we were running a marathon.  Naturally I said yes, because it’s best to lie to children).  And wouldn’t you know it, but the cops found us there too!  They were super nice though and did not follow us into the woods – we made nice and all was well.  Except for the POISON IVY.  Don’t we have some botany or woodsy types in our midst?  Show yourself!  (no, no – put your pants back on, that’s not what I meant).

After the one crisp and tasty beverage check,  trail continued – some back checks, lots of hills, but over all – no one got lost, so we made it!

Closing circle was in a parking lot we’ve used a number of times, under and near some railroad tracks – well and good off the beaten path!  We harassed the hares, toasted the virgins, and heard a long and funny joke from our visitor.  Something about anal rape and the enemy.  Jubilee gave out some glorious prizes to the people who need to get a life because clearly they hash too much, and then there were

VIOLATIONS…

• Twinkle – after ALL THESE YEARS – wore a r*cist shirt.  Need I say more?
• Just Austin from Austin was still wearing all the damn flair – yes, he likes to be violated.
• Just Rob was wearing the most stunning mullet toupee I’ve ever seen – he was violated, but I like to think of it as more of a prize.
• Bad Dog was FRB this evening and the first to stumble upon and attract the cops AGAIN.  Someone get that man a mask.  Or a ball-gag.  Or both.
• Just Diana was violated for refusing to give us a performance – she does porn, and that is appropriate hash behavior.  We just want to see it, is all.
• Uno Dos Tres was violated for Bobbitting DADS after she came back from the Red Tent weekend – apparently she likes no-dick now.  DADS was violated for allowing that to happen.
• Haystack was violated for passing out at a strip club.  It may not have happened on trail – but SERIOUSLY.  Violation.
• PIO decided to bikeshare trail – and apparently also did the same at WH4 earlier in the week.
• DADS was violated for attempting to give Mellow Foreskin the worst blow job ever – so bad, in fact, that Mellow didn’t even notice it was happening!
• Finally, Turkey Timer was violated for exposing her nephew  (Just Drew) to the hash.  In fairness, my uncle did the same – so, again – really more of a prize!!

At that point we turned to violations from the crowd, proceeded to drink ALL THE DELIGHTFUL SODAS and finally managed to get to the wonderful, magical ….

NAMING!

Just Will was named this evening, and well deserved as I’m told he’s hared a number of times -

The naming took a while, as Just Will apparently only had one good trip in his life, during which he borrowed a condom from Se[a]men for a lady boy while shitting his pants.  Or something like that.  Nominations were Mississippi Burning, Anger Twat, Secrete Cervix, Deep Thoughts by Deck Handy, Khamir Spooge, Dirty Sanchez, Dishonorable Discharge and Tuck Tuck Squid – HOWEVER – for now and always, Just Will shall be known as TUCK TUCK DEUCE – as he was so lovingly named by Twinkle, on his eleventy billionth try at naming!

On-I have  poison faaacking ivy-on,

Colliteral Damage

EWH3 Scribe

Where: Start – Titanic Memorial, at the end of P St. SW near Waterfront Metro station (Green Line) – nearest intersection is 4th and P st., SW – Follow chalk marks to start.
End – Cap South Metro (Blue/Orange Line)

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, April 19, 2012. Pack away at 7:15ish.

Hares: Raise My Titanic, Fifty Dollar Bitch, Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack, Bad Dog

Misc: A to B, Bring a Headlamp and your love for Leonardo DiCaprio…This trail features a walker trail (aka Ice burg trail), a Woman/Children Trail (aka the survivor’s trail), and the Man trail (aka the you-drown trail). Take your pick and have fun – the men’s trail is NOT dog accessible, but the other two are cool for the pups. Also, don’t forget your mugs and a change of clothes. Finally, the on on on sinks at 11 PM (aka last call at 11 PM). It’s early, but hey at least you won’t drown.

On on on:
Bullfeathers
410 1st St. SE
Washington DC 20003

http://bullfeathersdc.com/

Specials: TBA – Kitchen is open til 11 PM and last call is 11 PM. You’re going to have to be thinking like a closer all night long to get that special someone home for the night (bow chicka bow-wow)

When: Thursday, April 12, 2012, 6:45 PM, Pack away at 7:15ish or whenever the GM decides.

Hares: Dial F for (bundle of sticks), Blow White, (Don’t) Stick Your Dick in Crazy, Just Beryl, and Just Skye

On on on: Millie & Al’s

We circled up in a random parking lot, several miles from the U Street Metro start we were promised (thank you hares).  This time Plan B was able to be right there with us though, so that was a bonus.  She was remarkably less stuffed than usual – good job wankers!  Way to start paying attention (Just Nikki – I’m looking at you!)

Trail was long.  Often poorly marked with several back checks.  That being said, once the hares realised this was happening, they just “zen-ed” (Dial F’s word) their way to the end – and that part went pretty well.  The FRBs even managed to catch Dial F!  Also, the pack stayed together more than usual, which made for a really fun run.  Beer check was delicious as always (Thank you Brew Crew!), and the shot check was well appreciated.

Circle was held on a field in Admo somewhere, next to some kickballers (the only people in DC with less physical acumen than the Hash).  Whiskey was our RA and kept circle tight and moving – Jubilee handed out some prizes, and there were

VIOLATIONS…

• The hares were up first, and were actually already iced before I even got a chance to violate them.  That being said, Blow White was violated for telling cops where we were going (although, in fairness, said cops did later help some of the stragglers find the rest of us); Dial F was violated for gang banging virgins and not sharing w/ the rest of the hash
• Just Jerrad was violated for failing to clear a 3 foot wall, despite being somewhere near 8 feet tall.  Later, we found out he had to get 9 stitches – after the bar of course!
• Just Austin from Austin was violating for wearing so damn much flair on trail and for bringing a coffee mug to the hash.  That is a couple of weeks in a row I think.
• Just Jen was violated for being stupid enough to agree to marry a hasher.
• PIO was violated for sneaking into people’s houses and “leaving his fluid” on their couches.  That’s just weird.  Stop it.
• Anchor Spanker was violated for wearing new shoes.  Really?  You’ve been hashing so long you have a kimono.  That was just begging for a violation (which, is actually appropriate hash behavior).

At that point we turned to violations from the crowd (and actually, that last one re Anchor Spanker is credited to my fellow scribe Chippenfailz), as we had drank ALL THE BEERS and were running out and needed to get to the….

NAMING!

Just Beryl was named this week.  Based on my notes from her naming, it seems she likes to have sex with brown russians, throw up on them, steal their car and give blow jobs to the mob.  No wonder she’s a hasher!  In the end, however, Victoria Secrete won out, and is how she’ll be known as a hasher – thru and thru.

There was no beer left in the park, so we migrated to Millie & Al’s where we consumed a ridiculous amount of jello shots, sang to entertain the locals and partied ’til the wee hours.

On-the pizza place next to Millie & Al’s is weirdly good at 2 AM-on,

Colliteral Damage

EWH3 Scribe

Where: Start – U Street/Cardoza Metro Stop (Yellow/Green Line) Follow marks to the start.
End – Adams Morgan (Red Line – although Yellow/Green Line is walking distance albeit a bit of a long walk)

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, April 12, 2012. Pack away at 7:15ish.

Hares: Dial F for (bad word), Blow White, (Don’t) Stick Your Dick’n'Kraaazzzzy, Just Beryl, and Just Skye

Misc: A to B, Bring a Headlamp and some mountain climbing gear – this trail gets hilly! (Ok don’t actually bring your mountain climbing gear – had to say that since some idiot actually brought hockey skates to a hash a few year’s ago after the Harerazor JOKINGLY wrote to do so…who was that you ask? Don’t worry about it.) Not too shiggirific, but poison ivy starts coming out soon so don’t blame me if you get any. Dogs and Strollers should be ok (again the only kids who should go to an EWH3 hash are those who’ve already graduated from GW.) Finally, bring a mug or buy own! It’s gonna be fun!

On on on:
Millie & Al’s
2440 18th St. NW
Washington DC, 20009
(202) 387-8131

http://millienals.com/

Specials: And I quote, “Karaoke with Brown Sugar” Plus as per usual whenever the skeleton dances jello shots are $1!!

Where: Silver Spring Metro – Take the Red Line train waaaay up there and follow the marks to the start

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, April 5, 2012. Pack away at 7:15ish.

Hares: Brokeback Mama, Coxxx-on-Demand, Cum of a Preachers Hand, and Chip ‘n’ Failz

Misc: A to A’, Headlamps are never a bad idea (just like HIV/AIDS tests) and a change of clothes will help (your game at least) too – there’ll be a bit of shiggy, but your oxen probably will all live (aka no of fording rivers…hopefully). Dogs are awesome…and can join on the trail, cats can come too, but they may get lost or not be able to keep up. Strollers are probably ok, but let’s be honest, EWH3 isn’t really the best place for a baby anyway. Oh and bring a mug or for only 3 dollahz you can buy your very own EWH3 mug!

Special Note from the Hares on the Theme: This will be the Isaac Asimov Memorial Trail celebrating the 100th anniversary of his birth. You might expect that to commemorate such an illustrious occasion, we would ask you to dress up as your favorite Foundation character or maybe a robot, but that would be silly and gay – looking at you gay robots. Frankly, Isaac Asimov is better than all of you wankers and we will not besmirch his memory with such shenanigans. Instead we will honor his genius with quiet contemplation, reflection, a delightful trail, and lots of beer and drunkenness.

On on on:
McGinty’s Public House – Silver Spring
911 Ellsworth Drive
Silver Spring, MD 20910

http://mcgintyspublichouse.com/silverspring/

Specials: None as of yet, but it’s Holy Thursday so we should all be praying and watching each other’s feet instead of drinking anyway #catholicjoke (sorry to the rest of you who don’t get that one)

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, March 29, 2012. Pack away at 7:15ish.  Or whenever.

Hares: St. Pauli’s Girl, Put It Out, Cutting Class, London Bitches Going Down and Just Daniel

Virgins: Just Chad, Justin, Kristin, Sherri, Karla, ???, Erin, David, Meredith, Sarah, Steve, Nick, Aline, Amy, Dave, Jake, Sylvester, Kara, Alison, Alan, Kat, Kendall, Brett.

Visitors: Sex (seriously.  That was his hash name.  Also, he was visiting from Uganda.), I Love Fat Chicks.

OnOnOn: Chadwicks

We circled up in Francis Scott Key Park.  Plan B was stuffed and overstuffed as usual (I heard someone brought a laptop, but not until later bc that absolutely would have been a violation).  Our GM for the evening was HhH and his beard.  Which has started talking back.  Virgins were instructed, introduced (which took FOREVER) and had their song.  In a new and exciting twist, we had the distinct pleasure of having an interpreter in our midst!  More on that to cum.

Trail was… actually, it was really well laid and they didn’t even include the Exorcist Stairs.  Which, is kind of lame, but my legs appreciated it.   Anyhow, we ran a lot, had two beer checks and I forgot to write down anymore notes about trail.  But none of you wankers read this anyhow.

Whiskey was RA for the evening and got circle going in grand fashion – after the random tour bus took a pass by us.  Apparently, we are now part of the DC sights.  Whiskey did his thing, Jubilee did his thing, and then there were

VIOLATIONS…

• Just Nikki was violated because she brings enough clothing to outfit a Lady Gaga video.  Seriously.  That violation came from Plan B, who is tired of carrying her shit around!
• Just Mary was violated for wearing a racer shirt.  She should have borrowed something from Just Nikki.
• Just Kat was violated for having her underwear up her ass the whole time.  It was getting in the way of everyone cumming in.
• Wank Like an Egyptian was violated along with these pussies, because he loses pussy every time he gets drunk.
• Blows a Tranny’s ass was very sore tonight, but Whiskey did apologize for fisting him, so we can only assume everything’s ok with them.
• Don’t ask Don’t smell went to the Tragic school of haring apparently, as it was his turn to get the Walker’s Trail lost  this week.
• Speaking of Tragic, he was violated for scaring muggles.  I’m not sure what he did, but it probably didn’t take much.
• Just Cara was violated for having technology on trail – so were some other folks, but Prep Oh took over then and I was drinking, so I didn’t hear who it was.
• JAG Queen proved he gets laid by knocking a woman up.  He had a son this week!  And yet came hashing.  Which is why we question whether he gets laid.  We’ve cum full circle!
• Just Alex won the best violation of the night award – so dedicated is he to the hash’s new green movement, he brought his own mug to the hash.  A coffee mug.  From which he then had to drink lots of free beer… oh, you clever devil you.  I see what you did there.
• NEW SHOES VIOLATIONS –  people wised up and did not wear new shoes.  I’m very disappointed.  Please stop telling virgins about this rule!!

And then there was a wondrous ceremony – a NAMING!

Well-deserved, and somewhat overdue (what, we have a lot of people!?) JUST HAYLEY was named.  There were many good stories,  apparently most of which involved her puking during sex, while reading about Pocahontas, her fave Disney movie.  Options included Coverhurl, Clit Notes, Pocahcuntis, Cuma Cuma Chameleon, Mean Hurls and more.  And then someone yelled “Don’t Stick Your Dick in Crazy” and it was all over.  *Editing note* how “crazy” is going to be spelled remains to be seen.  Jubilee will actually get the last word on that.

We managed to drink ALL THE BEER so, no macho mug this evening.  It was off to Chadwicks, where yours truly blacked out at some point, but managed to get home and eventually (ok, a loooong while later) write this thing for you!

On-I forgot to tell you about the interpreter-on,

Colliteral Damage, EWH3 Scribe

PS!!!  The interpreter was awesome – here’s hoping he cums back to the hash!  Motor will probably continue to donate a shot o’ jamo or whatever!!

Where: Francis Scott Key Park (GEORGETOWN) – Take the Metro to Rosslyn (Blue/Orange) and follow the marks across the bridge to the start (Click here for a map)

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, March 29, 2012. Pack away at 7:15ish.

Hares: St. Pauli’s Girl, Put It Out, Cutting Class, London Bitches Going Down and Just Daniel

Misc: A to A’, For the runners, headlamps are a necessity as are dry clothes and a change of shoes/socks – it will likely be muddy and full of shiggy. Dogs are fine, strollers are not. Walkers should wear comfortable shoes as it’s a bit of a longer trail (two BC’s though). Please give yourself extra time to get to the start as it is about a 15 minute walk from the metro. As you’re walking you can remember how Georgetown is such an incredibly pretentious neighborhood that they didn’t want a metro. Seriously, Georgetown is just NoVA with tourists – why you would take something terrible and make it terrible-r? I really don’t know…oh and BRING YOUR OWN MUG!

On on on:
Chadwick’s Restaurant
3205 K Street NW Washington, DC 20007
(202) 333-2565

http://www.chadwicksrestaurants.com/

Specials: $2.50 Coronas and kitchen open until midnight. We were told we will get the upstairs per usual.

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, March 22, 2012. Pack away at 7:15ish.

Hares: Possession of Swollen Goods, JAG Queen, Tumble Cry, Just Nikki, and Tragic Carpet Ride

Misc: A to A, Runners trail is not very dog friendly (unless you’re dog is ok getting wet), but our canine friends are welcome to the walker’s trail ( aka BRING YOUR NEW PUPPY CHIPPENFAILZ). There’s supposed to be some shiggy and water on the walker’s trail so please bring (1) head lamps (2) a change of clothes, and (3) your good attitude. Seriously, I don’t wanna hear you b*tch and moan all day long that you’re feet are wet – there are children starving in africa and “humanitarians” taking advantage of them while on PCP frolicking nekkid and masturbating on the beach in California. #Kony2012 (seriously)

On on on:
O’Shaughnessy’s Pub
1324 King Street, Alexandria, VA 22314
(703) 836-7885 ‎
oshaughnessyspub.com

Specials: TBA (but there is an extremely good deli next to/under/as part of the bar – dude who runs it is one of the nicest guys you’ll meet)