EWH3 Hash Trash #1007: The Charming Old Bastards Trail May 11 Eisenhower Ave

EWH3 Hash Trash #1007: The Charming Old Bastards Trail May 11 Eisenhower Ave
 
When: May 11, 2017
Where: Eisenhower Ave Metro (Yellow Line)
Hares: Can’t find Pussy in a Haystack, CumDumpling, Generals Farm Animal, and Put It Out
Virgins: Maybe a guy named Just Peregrine?
Visitors: Nope… but I forget
On-After: San Antonio Bar & Grill
Everyday is Wednesday has the reputation of being a hash for sexy youngesters to hang out, run with other young attractive people, maybe buy them a drink at a bar filled with even more conventionally appealing, sexually adventurous Millennials. And that is true (tell your friends!), but we also have some olds! Don’t underestimate them: these handsome devils can drink you under the table and then crawl down there with you to show you a thing or two about a thing or two. And also Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack is here!
Trail was in the depths of Virginia and a little bit rainy – but that’s the only way Generals Farm Animal gets a lady wet anymore, so I’ll forgive them. Also, trail was a lot like old-people sex: short, unexciting, and if no ones dies it’s chalked up as a win.
Violations
  • CumDumpling‘s aging prostate betrayed him and he had to pee in front of the van at start. Good thing his dick fits inside his hand so he didn’t flash God and country. He said he was checking the radiator. I don’t think that’s the right kind fluid?
  • GeneralsFarmAnimal– asked the walkers if they wanted to do shiggy on trail. I guess in his senility he forgot that walkers barely  want to walk on trail. If he arranged a HoverAround trail it would have clenched 1007 as best theme of the year.
  • Cheech and Dong mentioned that the Montana rocky mountain oyster eating contest is all the game she gets. She should be flattered that men fry their testicles to get them in her mouth. (Want to learn more about Cheech and man oysters? Check out the trash for the 1005 trail. We all love a call back!)
  • Tuck Tuck Deuce, who didn’t meet the criteria to hare this trail because it was supposed to be charming old men, was commended for not missing a beat when faced with running through the culvert. He saw a light at the end of a tunnel and just went for it.
  • Speaking of tunnels and balls, Maybe It’s Gaybelline hiked his kilt up in the tunnel and showed everyone his. That’s a great way to get a UTI: by being around Gabyelline’s al fresco balls.
It was wet, and there weren’t any whippersnappers around to listen to stories about walking long distances so everyone went to a bar.
 on –  -on
Texas Hold Him

EWH3 Hash Trash #1005: Anal Mountain High Enough Trail! April 27th – Van Ness

EWH3 Hash Trash #1005: Anal Mountain High Enough Trail! April 27th – Van Ness

Virgins – Just Michael, Just Katie, Just Becca, Just Alyssa
Visitors – Jiggle Tits, Spread Eagle Scout Master, Just John, Phallus Down the River, Down Down in Diapers Hole
On-after – Guapos
Welcome to Montana. Where the men are cowboys, and the women are also cowboys because gendered occupation names were outmoded in 1864, when the Montana Territory was created. Montana, home of the famous “All-Nighter Head of JFK”, a bust of our late party-president looking rougher than Homo on the Range after the 2017 Prairie Hand spinners Fiber Fest in Billing, MT. He heard he was going to be spun like a top, but didn’t expect so many people to ask to see his spindle.
Bowser Ronaldo is 2017’s version of All-Nighter JFK.
Montana has given us some wonderful hashers, and also the greatest girls basketball team of 1904. Said of the monument to this feat: ” A big arch proudly announces that the team was 1904 World Champions, which, technically, they were.” This reminds me to congratulate Cheech and Dong on her ball eating win at Testy Fest. If only the balls consumed occurred during the eating competition and not while judging the Big Balls contest.
Violations:
FukuShemale – Heard there was someone else wearing an inflatable T-Rex costume and said “I must fight him.” Well, it was a lady, and you’d still lose.
  • Sphincter Shy and Hercu-Please – were running through Howard’s campus shirtless in some very short shorts and some frat douche yelled “Y’all are gay!” Herc looked at Sphincter and said, “Do you think it’s the glitter?”
  • Tuck Tuck Deuce – overheard at Beer check giving advice on having a slender arm in photos. Step one: start with Tuck’s skeleton arm
  • Homo on the Range regaled this scribe with a story about a Montana man who survived a bear attack by shoving his arm down it’s throat to gag him. If Homo ever needed a bear without a gag reflex, he knows where I am.
  • Chokes One Out – admitted to being a person who defriends people on their birthday to soften the blow. 1) they don’t get a notice, 2) what a shitty present: “this is the last perfunctory, half-hearted happy birthday post you’ll get from me!”, and 3) that’s an amateur move since the best practice is to unfollow them, in case their lives turn into complete garbage and you want to go back and revel in it.
  • Mouthful of Clams – after partaking in the whiskey shot check couldn’t get up the bank so asked to be boosted from behind. I too sometimes ask for rear-assistance when the whiskey impacts my ability to get it up.

We laughed, we sang, and we didn’t like anyone enough to learn more about them. Everyone took Lookout Pass to Guapo’s, because there is never a bad time for a margarita.

On – Born to be Badlands – On

Texas Hold Him

EWH3 Hash Trash #1043: The Return of the Snuggie Trail! January 4th – Metro Center

EWH3 Hash Trash #1043: The Return of the Snuggie Trail! January 4th – Metro Center

When: 6:45 PM Thursday January 4, 2018.

Where: Metro Center (12th & F St. Exit)

Hares: GeriatricMandering, Head Injury, Stain Gretzky, Moose Knuckles, and Quantum Whizics.

VisitorsIce Ice Lai Me

On After: Hamilton’s Bar & Grill 233 2nd St NW

Brrrr, this Bomb Cyclone sure is chilly. Yet on the evening of January 4th, a score and more of Hashers braved the cold in order to imbibe in their beverage of choice: beer. Let’s take a closer look at events that took place.

Special Head Kid was heard on trail exclaiming, “I am a start!” No SHK, you’re a special snowflake!

Dial F regaled the runners with a humorous interpretation of It’s A Wonderful Life upon hearing the toll of the bells at the Old Post Office. “Every time a bell rings, a Hasher gets their beer!” Guess he heard some rings before trail!

The RA, Schödinger’s Cock, was violated for the incredible cold experienced during trail. I suppose there’s been a…shrinkage…in his abilities!

And last on this list but first in our hearts, Nobody Puts Gaybe in a Corner admitted to the pack that the frigid wind was the second worst thing to hit him in the face that day. What was the first, a Bomb Cyclone? Of cum?

The trail ended within the warm walls of Hamilton’s and so the pack sauntered over to the next room and ins0lated from the cold. Also, there was no naming. Also, this was Wait Wait’s last evening as Scribe. So many thoughts.

On-brrrr-On

Wait Wait, Don’t Fuck Me