When: Thursday, September 12, 2019
Where: Capital South Metro (Blue/Orange)
Hares: Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Hungry Hungry Homo, All Flash No Drive, Split Her Bare, Sphincter Shy, and Wank Like An Egyptian
Virgins: Just Chris, Just Tintin, Just Mike, Just Tess, Just Kimberly
Visitors: Just Erin

I mean, yea… Recycling is pretty dope, but you know what the BETTER option is?


One man’s trash is another man’s attire. Just check out..

Mambo Number Hives, who didn’t need to remind us of how sweet she is.

Rosetta Bone, her own biggest fan

Goldman Ballsachs, who is proud of his new job at Monsters Inc. He knows that showing his cock is the best way to make little girls scream. Or was it giggle..?

Schrodinger’s Cock, advertising the fact that he doesn’t have a floppy disk.

Cum Locker, who forgot to send out her wedding invites. Although, that’s not the only reason no one came that night.

Violations (and Cummendations)

Just Erin really wanted to donate her pickle to Blow Me Closer Tiny Dancer. Not the first time she’s heard that line. And definitely not the last.

Close Encounters of the Turd Kind was so jealous that we were able to get dates, he ditched all of his (calendars, that is).

Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock was cummended for re-routing trail to a safe space, complete with a beer check near a dumpster. Perfect for your repurposed ABC costume.

At this point in the evening, we were full of Twinkle Juice™ and bad intentions, so we took the next logical step toward a very solemn occasion…


Just Karen would like to see your manager. A lawyer and immigration advocate from Fordham, she made herself cum with foreign influence, but not before being detained while naked in Panama City. Just Karen had her most mind-blowing orgasm with the main character from Magic Mike, despite his awkward boner. She tells the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.. unless you’re her boss. This Twitter Troll “doesn’t do the porn thing much,” however she takes Alice In Wonderland erotica recs from Trump himself. No longer dressed as a dead hooker, Just Karen treated us to a bedtime story of sorts: Once upon a time, she fucked her best friend’s boyfriend’s twin… over. By spilling his beans (and maybe flicking hers?). Despite her affinity for letting dogs in her mouth, it was ultimately her embarrassment surrounding her lesbian desires that led to name her…

After a lot of confusion, the pack gathered at an On-After. I didn’t make it because I’d been Twinkled and used all my money making a dress. I’m sure it was just dandy.

On – Dolla Dolla Bill Y’all – On
Poon-apple Juice

Do you consider yourself a witch? Does the thought of pumpkins make you want to run Amok Amok Amok Amok? Join the Boozy Whore-or Ladies as we stumble through Georgetown looking for sexy ghosts and booze!

When: September 19th. 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Foggy Bottom – follow marks to start!

Hares: GeriatricMandering; Son, What the Fuck?!; Split Her Bare; Quantum Whizics; Orange is the New Snatch; Starship In Her Thighs; Deathly Swallows; General Tso Dicken; Rail Mary

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. Trail is dog-friendly, but not stroller or injury friendly. No PI, but lots of ghosts and booze. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4.8 miles long (about 2.2 miles first half and 2.4 miles second half). Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of Foggy Bottom:
Franconia-Springfield 11:34 PM
Largo Town Center 11:28 PM
Largo Town Center 11:15 PM
New Carrollton 11:17 PM
Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:42 PM
Wiehle-Reston East 11:27 PM

On After:
Georgetown Piano Bar
3287 M St NW

Specials: You’re so pretty! <wink>

Can you believe it’s been a DECADE of running around in non-clothing? No… no, you probably can’t. Memories don’t form correctly when under the influence of Twinkle Juice. There’s an anthem for that:

♫Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock♫
♫What the hell was in that shot?♫  
♫Chocolate Milk and Everclear♫ 
♫Should have stuck to drinking beer♫ 
♫Now I have to Twinkle Puke♫
♫Fuck your fucking Twinkle Juice♫ 

Join us for the happiest, drunkiest tradition now in its TENTH year, the Anything But Clothes Hash! You know the drill by now – show up wearing anything EXCEPT clothing – trash bags, cardboard boxes, strategically placed stuffed animals, or just lots of duct tape. Duct tape is your friend. In a pinch? Wear a toga or a pillowcase. Just don’t be the only one who shows up in clothes! As always, there will be a prize for best costume promised, and usually delivered if the Twinkle Juice hasn’t taken over by then.

Oh. And there will be Twinkle Juice, as a part of four shot checks. Just take off Friday now.

See you there in a hastily thrown together duct tape mess, or a condom dress you’ve been working on for two months. We don’t care as long as it’s not clothes!

-Twinkle and Friends

When: 6:45 PM Thursday September 12th, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Capitol South – follow marks to start!

Hares: Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Hungry Hungry Homo, All Flash No Drive, Split Her Bare, Sphincter Shy and Wank Like An Egyptian

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A. 0% Shiggy, dog friendly as long as it’s not wearing clothes. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly BRING A HEADLAMP & mug! Be smart, have fun. Consider taking Friday off.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4 miles long (about 3 miles first half and 1 mile second half). Walkers’ trail is 2.5 miles long (1.25 first half and 1.25 second).

Last trains out of Capitol South Metro:
Blue Line Franconia-Springfield 11:19 PM
Silver Line Largo Town Center 11:30 PM
Blue Line Largo Town Center 11:45 PM
Orange Line New Carrollton 11:32 PM
Orange Line Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:25 PM
Silver Line Wiehle-Reston East 11:12 PM

On After:

Specials: Don’t worry about it. There will be ample Twinkle Juice outside.