On-After: Midlands Beer Garden! and I actually
went! Can’t remember the last time I
went to an on-after. But seriously who
TF thought it was a good idea to unleash hashers on a bar that is serving a
19.5% beer on tap. This morning I was
feeling a little rough (dot) gov
Violations High School Stereotypes
Fat kid: Stain
Gretzky had to make a special request to the brew crew (thanks guys!) for
napkins to clean Cheeto dust out of her fingerprints to unlock her phone and
read her scribe notes.
Slutty cheerleader: Just Ben brought his own nipple tassels and was teaching everyone
in the alley how to use them. Fun fact:
apparently different types of thrashing make them swing in opposite or the same
direction. See ya under the bleachers
Science nerd: Dial F was bragging to everyone on trail that his beehives were
just around the corner. His beehives are
right over there! His beehives are just
ahead! But honestly y’all, I shouldn’t
have been surprised that when we got there, they were smaller than advertised.
Homoerotic jocks: Goldman Ballsachs bent over in the middle of trail to mark a check
and Quid Pro Blow read the nearby
SPEED HUMP sign as a direction to rail Goldman from behind at full speed.
Prom committee: the hares. Trail was highly
advertised, some people kinda dressed up, I drank some booze near a dumpster,
it really wasn’t *that* bad, but it was over pretty quickly and I was left
asking myself “was that it…?”
Running backpack kid: Just David.
The kids your mom definitely doesn’t want you to
hang out with: the hares, who had us
all drinking in public, playing in traffic, seriously contemplating climbing a
rusty fence to break into a muggle’s yard, and doing the exact opposite of
And we had a very solemn occasion for Just Ahren!!! Just Ahren has
been hashing since February and spends his days managing an inbound call center
and telling people to push buttons over the phone. He’s into acroyoga, tumbling, balancing, and “elbow
stuff.” His fetishes include hentai,
social anxiety, and holding his bladder while going through security checkpoints. He’s a slow cooker, both in terms of food and
sex. But because of his preference for
internet porn over IRL stuff, henceforth and forevermore throughout the word of
hashing, Just Ahren shall be known as VOIP
(Vagina Optional, Internet Preferred).
https://www.ewh3.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/EWH3_logo-No-Background.png00Scribehttps://www.ewh3.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/EWH3_logo-No-Background.pngScribe2019-05-23 17:40:262019-05-24 17:44:32EWH3 Hash Trash #1127: On Wednesdays we are (pretty in) Pink Trail!
Happy prom season wanks and wankettes! Did you get detention a lot in school? Were you ever punished by being thrown onto the MATHletes team? Were you the hot soccer jock who barely passed their classes? Angry artist? Even if you were the wall flower or outcast, fear not! All are welcum at this end of school year celebratory trail. Come dressed as your favorite high school archetype or wear some old prom gear. Don’t wanna try that hard?….Just wear pink! Every day is Wednesday, after all.
When: 6:45pm, Thursday May 23rd. Pack away at 7:15!
Where: Georgia Ave/Petworth – follow marks to start!
Hares: Scooter Cunte, Roll Over, Bitch!, Heaven’s Gape, Tragic Carpet Ride is fearlessly leading the walkers and Slut Machine and Barebackin’ Pearls will be sweeping.
Trail Length: Runners total trail: 3 miles Walker’s total trail: 1.4 miles
Theme: Tuxedo shirts? Tiaras and prom dresses? Pink so you can still sit with us?
Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Mostly urban so little to no shiggy. Bug spray might be a good idea. Dog and stroller friendly. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.
Last trains out of Columbia Heights Metro: Green Line to Branch Ave: 11:22 PM Green Line to Greenbelt: 11:55 PM Yellow Line to Huntington: 11:12 PM
Trail Length: Runners: Almost but not quite 4 miles Walkers: Almost but not quite 2 miles
Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A. No real shiggy, but a none-zero chance of bears. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a lamp & mug! (If you forget one, there’s an REI right there!) Be smart, have fun, embrace the bear-eotypes.
Last trains out of NoMa/Gallaudet: Glenmont 11:44 PM Shady Grove 11:26 PM
https://www.ewh3.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/EWH3_logo-No-Background.png00ewh3razorhttps://www.ewh3.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/EWH3_logo-No-Background.pngewh3razor2019-05-12 19:53:402019-05-12 19:53:42EWH3 #1126: Red Bear, Red Bear, What Do You See? - 6:45 PM Thursday, May 16 - NoMa/Gallaudet University (Red Line)