Hares: Semen on the Pew, Jeffe Lengua, Low Pressure Front and General’s Farm Animal
Brew Crew: Hungry Hungry Homo and Red Vag of Courage
Virgins: Just Rob, John, Jerad,Christie, Tina, Liz, Mike and Craig
Visitors: Red Pussy Lover (Haiti) and Helm Me I’m Wet (St. Louise)
Analversaries: None
OnOnOn: Lee’s Restaurant, Bar and Liquor

What can I say about this trail?  It was way the f*ck out there and about a mile of trail was through a stream bed (true).  The hares totally knew what they were doing and no one got lost because trail was so well laid (false).

It pretty long ago so I don’t remember many specifics. (Yeah, yeah I’m way behind on writing my trash, screw you!)  The one thing I do remember is Low Pressure Front (one of the hares) asking me to scout around one block to see if that’s where the end circle was… the hare not knowing where the end is a sure sign of well planned trail!

Violations:

  • Beat All You Can Beat just got back from Afghanistan and was sporting a big bushy beard.  He was violated for “going native” while deployed.
  • Cock Your Suck I Will can’t seem to stay off of her knees on trail.
  • The Hares were violated for laying a trail so bad that even Cock-a-doodle Do Me would rather suck a cock than run it again.
  • Cum Dumpling got tagged in the ass (err sting by a bee) on trail and needed his brother CoXXX On Demand to check to see if he had a bloody asshole.
  • Just Kristie didn’t want to get wet on trail but when she finally did realized that she kind of liked it.
  • Late Night Drive Through had a GPS on trail but forgot to use it when she got lost.
  • Cock Your Suck I will had to go back into the woods to find some emergency cash that she had stuffed in her bras and dropped.  With the amount of cash she had was a grand total of $2.  It’s hard to imagine what sort of jam $2 would get you out of…
  • The Hares were violated for laying a trail that made you bleed more than a virgin getting finger banged while at the same time making you itch like you’ve been with a 50 year old whore.
  • 3 Ring Cervix confused EWH3 with OTH and showed up 45 minutes late for trail.
  • General’s Farm Animal Fell down in the water, as a hare he should have been more aware of the hazards.

Then we had a special occasion… a naming! (It’s not like we do this EVERY week!)

Just Kam went to Salisbury University (home of the Seagulls)  where she studied nursing.  When asked if she liked the band ‘Flock of Seagulls’ I believe that Just Kam replied, yes. Just Kam works as, shocker, a nurse… in fucking Pennsylvania!

Just Kam’s favorite farm animal is a cow and her favorite sexual position is any one where her legs are up.  When asked for an embarrassing sexual story Just Kam talked about her brother in law and neigbor trying, unsuccessfully, to be peeping toms.  Since the crowd wasn’t sure why this was embarrassing for Just Kam we asked her for another embarrassing sex story.  For try number two she relayed a story about being asleep at the foot of a bed being awoken by the bed slamming her in the face because another couple was having sex in it.

She claimed that she had been laid within the past month.  She also admitted to faking orgasms in the past.  When asked for the most interesting place she’s had sex she replied in a Camry or a Volkswagen on Douglass street, which strikes me as both uninteresting and strangely specific.  She denied ever having anal sex.  Apparently whether she spits or swallows “depends.”  She had been given a pearl necklace before.

Story: Once for a college Public Health class Just Kam had to go to a prison to teach sex ed.  During her one of her tours of the prison she caught one of the prisoners masturbating to her.

Then Just Kam was asked a very dumb question that, amazingly, produced an interesting answer.  Q: Who was the stupidest guy you had ever had sex with? A: This guy with the nickname ‘Biscuit.’  Oh and it turned out that ‘Biscuit’ was the guy that took her virginity.

Armed with the info the crowd came up with the following names for Just Kam:

  • Jail House Cock
  • Drop the Soup
  • Prison Jerk
  • Limp Biscuit
  • Biscuits & Gravy
  • Blood Sausage and Biscuits
  • Conjugal Biscuit
  • Pillsbury Maulboy
  • Biscuits and Teabags
  • Muffin Top

Finally the name Cockin Fresh Dough was thrown out there and the crowd (and our RA) approved.  So now Just Kam has a proper hash name, welcome to the club Cockin Fressh Dough!

Then we had a VERY special occasion… a SECOND naming! (We actually don’t do this every week!)

Just Masi went to the naval academy and is still in the Navy.  Where he works in IT.  His favorite sexual position is doggy style.  His most embarrassing sexual story was getting caught having sex on a park bench by the police.  The cops put the spot light on them but they kept going.  After the Po PP actually high-fived him.  (Which makes the story more cool than embarrassing but whatever…)

When his friend was asked for a story about Just Masi she just asked him to show the crowd his tongue, which was very long.  The harriets were very impressed and flurry of naming suggestions ensued.

  • Black from the Neck UP
  • Black Simmons
  • OJ Simmons (at this point I feel like I should tell you that Just Masi is a black man)
  • Naval Deep
  • Gene Simmons
  • Lick James, Bitch!

Finally we settled on Lick James, Bitch! and so at EWH3 and throughout the world of hashing (except Great Falls, fuck them) Just Masi will be known as Lick James, Bitch!

Until next time…

On on,

Rear Protein Injection
EWH3 Scribe