Hash Trash: EWH3 #554
EWH3# 554 – Bethesda
Hares- Unobtainium, Obeastiologist, Bitch on Bitch on Bitch, I Manual Cunt, and Swing Cycle who may or may not be Just Vicki…oh wait…
Brew Crew- Sphincter Shy, The Udder Ho
Virgins- Just: Alex, Melanie, Steve, Brad, Nick, Michael, Sharon, Curt (really?), Vito (really?!?), Charles
Ononon- Tommy Joes
The pack circled at a lot a few blocks away from the Bethesda Metro. It being the rave hash, thee abundance of glowstick snapping and strategic placing helped liven up the usual conversations of, “Hey, why the fcuk are we in Bethesda?”
We ran amongst playgrounds (which was surprising how many hashers were able to go within 100 feet), couples on dates eating dinner on patios, and, of course, dark trails. Apparently the hares recommended we bring headlamps, but, just like the Ballbuster, no one can really be sure- so blame your scrapes and crushed ankles on them.
At one point FRBs claimed to hear Obeastiologist giggling somewhere in the woods, laughing as they took a wrong turn. He denies this, but that’s mostly because he does not want to give away his secret of how he can hide his creepily lanky frame in the brush.
The beer check had beer. And we drank it- cautiously, as the hares warned us of a “real second half.” So by real they meant tunnels and hashers busting ass. Headlamps! Of course, no EWH3 tunnel experience is complete without the masses trying to skip it- congratulations, you know who you are! I hope humping your way under that fence was worth it.
Eventually we ended up atop a parking garage for the circle. Don’t ask me where, but I bet it was somewhere near the Bethesda Metro.
- While running in the woods, Edgar Allan Ho exclaimed “ Oh! Last time I was here I got hit in the eye and it really hurt!” Hmm, by whom?
- Forever Virgin gave us too much information about his morning shower on trail when he described how “it gets harder when it gets wet.”
- Sphincter Shy ran up to me breathless, ready to violate, only to tell me that he wanted to violate “that person with the bag.”
- Lube Me Up, Scotty was that person with the bag. Her bag weighed forty pounds and was about 4 feet long- obvious midget size, which only troubled the pack as they had to watch where they stepped the rest of the night (and no, I’m not referring to a certain “dog”).
- Speaking of “dogs,” Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock was called out for Red Dress Weekend when he played footsies with Cock-a-doodle-do-me in a hottub. Twinkle, just because you have the mustache does not mean you have to actually act like a creepy rapist.
- Cum Dumpling, Obeastiologist, and Chicken Fucker were given a life violation for speaking about Dungeons and Dragons in a social setting. Come on guys, really?
- Cock-a-doodle-do-me and Cock Your Suck I Will approached me at the beer check for a violation. “We’re going to violate each other,” they told me, as I walked away conscious of wearing gym shorts.
- Unobtanium showed his lingering Daddy-issues with his Papa Roach inspired haircut. Listen buddy, just because the salon offered a free dye session does not mean you have to take it.
- Mannipple Lickter actually knew the names of many salons for that violation, so we threw him in as well.
- Rear Protein Injection decided to spoil the surprise and come in his Boy George Halloween costume a week early.
Violations from the Crowd:
- Seriously, I was supposed to write these down? One does come to mind though, when Hare Cuntery violated I Manual Cunt for his sweet shirt that was ribbed for her pleasure.
- Also, I, Cum and Knock on My Back Door, was violated for impersonating Al Borland from Tool Time.
- Roll, Over, Bitch! saw Tits for Tots by yelling out, “Hey, small Tits!” If you know her, you know that is not a proper way to greet her.
Then we had ourselves a naming! Oh wait…the cops came. Sorry Just Sharon, your time will cum again, and like most hashers, it will come quickly.
Cum and Knock on my Back Door
EWH3 Stunt Scribe