EWH3 #581 – Rosslyn
Hares: Underground Railroad, Monday Sticky Monday, Duck Job, Me Likee-Lickee-Caca
Brew Crew: Red Vag of Courage, The Udder Ho
Virgin: Just John
Visitor: Peg Leg (Second City H3), Cock Master (Jacksonville H3)
Analversaries: 17 runs–Axel Blows; 69 runs–Sphincter Shy, Gaystation; 100 runs–Duck Job; 169 runs–Obeastiologist, Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me
Ononon: The Continental
The pack circled up on the parking deck above The Continental, and off we went. Down the stairs, up onto that fugly concrete walkway over a park and into the first of many, many checks. We ran through swanky apartment complexes, not-so-swanky apartment complexes, ghetto apartment complexes, and up and down lots of stairs. There were tons of checks, which I like–the pack that runs together doesn’t get lost, injured, or killed alone. On a particularly snowy, muddy stretch, we hit the first shot check. I don’t know what it was–which is often the case at the hash–but it got me warm. The pack then headed into Clarendon and Courthouse, before heading back to Rosslyn for beer check, in an alley behind a rather sketchy hotel. Stay classy, EWH3!
The second half of trail was a lot shorter than the first, but it did have the highest, steepest, slipperiest hill on trail. Fortunately, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, oops, I mean a shot check at the top of the hill. I don’t know what it was, but it was fruity, much like all the rest of EWH3. It was even more slippery going down. I do love me some sledding, but i do like it better when I have a sled. Or a stolen McDonald’s tray. Not long after we got down the hill, we crossed over the freeway and ended up back where we started from, on top of The Continental.
- Six Fags got two new tattoos on his calves–each one is a foot with the word “ON” on it. We really should’ve saved the “get a life” song for him.
- Gaystation is going to Tijuana, so he got a mule charm to entice the donkeys.
- 6 Pigs in a Blanket said, very loudly on the Metro, “In my mind, I’m very raceist.” Oops. All the non-hasher passengers who gave her dirty looks must not have heard that silent “e.”
- Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Cock reached new heights of gayness by buying Jizzmo a Snuggie. Sadly, none of this is a euphemism.
- Edgar Allan Ho refused a drink before the hash because she’d just had a protein shake. She then pointed out that the easiest way to get in is through the rear.
- St. Pauli Girl told Cum and Knock on my Back Door how to duct tape his junk. I hope those boys have set up a safety word.
- Cum Dumpling and Eat Your Vegetables were engaging in nerdiness on trail: They were discussing physics. Why can’t they just go have sex on trail like everyone else does?
- When I was asking for violations, Just Tobias didn’t have any, but he did proudly proclaim, “I have sweet and salty nut!”
- Obeastiologist complained about his wedding ring interfering with his swimming, but we all know his swimmers work really well.
Violations from the Crowd:
- Monday, Sticky Monday was driving around picking up homeless people and taking them to shelters as an act of charity in the cold weather, except the guy he picked up wasn’t a homeless man–it was Brokeback Mama.
- Just Melody gave Six Fags his “ON-ON” tattoos.
- Assflac complained about the trail, despite the fact that he was autohashing.
- Sphincter Shy always comes up with violations, but they’re never funny.
- Neither are Mannipple Lickter’s.
- Edgar Allan Ho and Big Dig were hopping around like penguins at beer check.
It was too cold and windy for a naming, so we finished the beer, headed to the Continental, and tried to get Jumbo Slice, because due to the lack of good specials, we were all too sober to have any realistic shot at getting laid.
Love and Kisses,
Tits for Tots