Hash Trash: EWH3 #585

EWH3 #585 – Cocks in Peter Peter’s Tail Trail, DuPont Circle

Hares:  Slumcock Anywhere, Cock-a-Doodle-Me, Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Cock, CoXXX on Demand, and Shamrock Your Cock

Brew Crew:  Blows a Tranny, George Stuffed an Octopus

Virgins:  Just Zach, Mike, Marishka, Lisa, Sean, Beth, Alex, Joshua, Jamie, Nate, Paul, Allison, Margaret, and too many more to keep track of

Visitors:  Big Trouble in Little Vagina (San Francisco H3), Fat Boy Slim, Anal Something-or-other (Seattle H3)

Analversaries:  17 runs–Mile High Snub, Holy Milk of our Mothers, Little Bunny Poo Poo; 69 runs–Fuxedo, Leggs Over Easy, Assfault, Me-Likee-Lickee-Ca-Ca; 200 runs–Bow Chick-a-Bow-Bow

Ononon:  The Big Hunt

 

The huge pack circled up at DuPont Circle and took off through the surrounding neighborhood.  Parts of trail looked really familiar.  Like, I see last week’s flour familiar.  We eventually veered off in Rock Creek Park, where we had to climb down a very steep hill that ended in a dropoff straight onto the Parkway–safety third, y’all!–followed by a creek crossing.  Speaking of which, what’s up with the people who took their shoes off to cross Rock Creek?  Your shoes are gonna get nasty if you keep hashing, so get used to it.  We climbed up the other side of the hill and ended up at a beer check near Georgetown, where the hares had hidden Easter eggs.  Some had jello shots inside, and others had condoms–the perfect accoutrements for a hash!  One leads to the other, after all.   

The first half of trail had an Easter Egg Hunt.  The second half had a flour hunt, but there weren’t any special surprises that were hidden, just the trail.  We somehow managed to zen into downtown, and ended up in an alley a few blocks from the bar.

 

Violations:

  • Chicken Phucker heard that Fruit of the Poon likes it shaved, but didn’t realize that she wasn’t referring to his head.
  • Roll Over, Bitch! passed the PIMP test or something, not that that’ll actually enable him to get laid.
  • Just Claire wore new shoes that were such a bright shade of pink, it looked like a vagina puked all over them.
  • Manipple Lickter was disappointed that he went to Nellie’s the night before the hash and didn’t get hit on by any dudes, despite the fact that he was on a date with a girl.
  • Assflac, because until we saw his shirt, we didn’t know that doing a tri would make him bi.
  • The hares said trail would be safe, but they were April Fooling us.
  • I’ll Packa returned from Afghanistan and missed his, uh, hetero life mate, And I’ll Push Back so much that he went directly from the airport to the hash.
  • Just Scot whined that he was slow because he didn’t stretch before the hash.
  • Just Brendan and Just Kelly didn’t get their own names right in opening circle.  You’re supposed to get someone else’s name wrong, and later.
  • Assflac loved his trail from last week so much, he convinced this week’s hares to lay it backwards. 
  • Just Sam pooped on trail and blamed it on the dogs.
  • Just Erin was talking about how hashing always makes her hungry, even though there are lots of wankers who’d be willing to feed her their protein shakes.
  • Motormouth tried to do his best Hugh Hefner impersonation.  It didn’t work, because Hef is blacker than he is.

 

Violations from the Crowd:

  • Eat Your Vegetables lost his flip-cup virginity and ended up puking all over the trailer.  The first time is always painful.
  • Twinkle, Twinkle Little Cock went to pick up condoms to put in the Easter eggs, and was given two bottles of lube, because, “[he’ll] need it.”
  • Pittsburgh Kneeler went to a bar and picked up a Quaker.
  • Jingle Jizz out-rednecked Double-Ohhh Positive at the NASCAR races.
  • Chicken Fuckr tried to be as sexy as Rear Protein Injection, and failed.
  • Cum Dumpling still doesn’t know how to do chalk talk after months of being GM:  one of the virgins drew a true trail arrow.
  • Just Anna wore brand new drinking vessels.
  • Fruit of the Poon tried to get away with wearing a raceist shirt inside out, but she couldn’t fool Chicken Fucker.
  • Double-Ohhh Positive was smoking like a chimney while running circle, even though RPI and Chicken Fucker were there representing all the cancer survivors.
  • JAG Queen proposed.  Congrats on only sleeping with one person for the rest of your life!
  • The hares used an ice cream scoop to lay perfect circles of flour on trail… when they laid flour, that is.

Then it was time for the cops to show up and bust up our circle.  We dispersed pretty quickly and headed to the Big Hung (Yeah, I know it’s the Big Hunt, but that’s my favorite Freudian typo and I’m keeping it), where we all drank more beer and tried to get laid, or at least not arrested.

 

F–k the police,

Tits for Tots

EWH3 Scribe