EWH3 #593: “Attention Whores Trail” U Street/African-Amer Civil War Memorial/Cardozo
Hares: Chippen Failz, Assflac, Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me, Fucks Up Doc?, Wank Like an Egyptian
Virgins: Just Justin, Amber, Molly, Rebecca, Adam, Mark, Adam, Matt
Visitors: Turdburg from somewhere foreign HHH
OnOnOn: Solly’s AKA Chippen Failz’s backup for when he becomes homeless….because we all know it’s inevitable.
Hashers far and wide in the DMV came to U Street for a good time Thursday (well, two Thursdays ago…whoops!). Fortunately this time, no chalk was needed to find the start- all you had to listen for was Assflac bitching about something. Or Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me being inappropriate. Or Chippen Failz being rejected by women. Or Fucks Up Doc? angrily yelling at somebody/something/some child. Or Wank Like an Egyptian crying in the corner. Yes, it was the Attention Whore hash, a group of hares so busy not-getting-laid that they like to be loud!
The pack ran through the U Street area, raising eyebrows as they followed trail, or people who were following trail (or people who thought they were following trail). The beer check was in a small alley tucked behind a swanky, swanky, swanky apartment. The pack drank some beer and then headed back out into the neighborhoods around U Street before ending behind the Black Cat, giving hasher hipsters (hey Tits!) a huge boner.
The Hares wanted to get the token black guy but settled for Wank Like an Egyptian.
6 Pigs in a Blanket gave a PSA out for the single men at the hash when she noted that no matter how hard she tries, she just can’t gag.
Edgar Allen Hoe was shocked when she didn’t need to show her tits to stop traffic. Here’s to giving her another chance!
Just Richard and Just Danny came to the hash wearing matching socks and new shoes. Drink up!
Pee Wee’s Little Adventure walked in on Tits for Tots naked three times at a party and didn’t do anything about it.
Just Justin was commended for being the man who introduced ¡4loko! to the hash!
Violations from the Crowd
Just Adam didn’t go to the hash one week because he wanted to see Twilight New Moon.
Whiskey Business apparently hits on students. Come on guys….
Slipknot got in a fight with a knife-wielding midget in the Metro and lost. Or ran through a lot of PI.
Whiskey Business smoked and pulled a lot of meat the other weekend.
Nobody Puts Labia in the Corner needs liquid courage to talk to anything. Period.
Motormouth somehow did not make it onto the hare list for the Attention Whore hash.
Just Alison was asking people to squeeze her but didn’t let anyone follow through with it.
And then it was time for a special occasion. Yes, it was a naming!
Just Alex went to Virginia Tech and was a geography major. He grew up in DC and has worked for 7-11. He was in ROTC and is all military and stuff. I’m pretty sure he’s something badass, so I’m going to shut up now. When he was 21 and at Fort Benning, he hooked up with a girl in a bar, and then back in the car, where she started beating him because she thought she was getting raped. And then he still slept with her. He once slept with a 37 year-old black woman. I really think I butchered this….but anyway, onto the names!
-Apu On My Chest
– GI Blow
– Super Big Gulp
– Just a Gulp
– Self-Serve Perv
– Dia-beat Me
Yup, you may have guessed it. Even with all that information, we managed to go with the most offensive name thought of at the hash (thanks Assflac!), naming Just Alex Shooting Blanks! Too soon…
We went to Solly’s and tried to hit on hot U Street girls (or at least I did). It was nice and then it rained.
Here’s to fun,