EWH3 #596: TourDuhHash Leg 7- “The Hash Set Me Up” Trail, Anacostia Metro
Hares: MotorMouth, JackOffLantern, Just Chris
Virgins: Just Neco, Warner, James, Megan, Jimmy, Brian, Angelo, Nick, Dan, Mali,
Christina, Ryan, Anna, Steven, Roger, Menelik, French Guys
Visitors: Dial F for Faggot, who has been hashing around North Carolina
Anchor Spanker, from New Orleans H3
Marathon Meth Man from Kansas City
Snake Charmer from Bangkok
OnOnOn: The Player’s Lounge (Georgina’s)
For most hashers, getting on the Green Line has always meant only going so far south as the ballpark, when it’s Green Line Lite. But Thursday was special- not only was it the 7th leg of the 2010 TourDuhHash, but we were also headed straight into Southeast DC. Hashers in large groups (this time, safety was NOT third) poured out of the Anacostia Metro and headed towards the start. Amidst calls of “What are you all doin’ here?” and license plates that read “BLING,” we circled up and Rear Protein Injection, one of our lovely GMs, handed out the TourDuhHash Jerseys (or, in one awkward case, tried to. Darling, if you got ‘em, why not flaunt ‘em?).
The pack was off through the neighborhoods of historic Anacostia. The trail wound down to an overgrown train track, or as one hasher on trail noted, “the place where they found the body in Stand By Me.” We went through a couple of neighborhoods, got yelled at from a few corners, until the hares steered us into some shiggy. Now, hashers who felt relieved by leaving the, um, urban shiggy for a more rural bit, were soon regretting it, because by shiggy these hares meant PI. Oh and wasps…yes, for once it was fun night being an FRB, because those fast wankers’ screams of “Wasps! Wasps!” warned the rest of the pack to find another route out of the thicket.
Finally we emerged along a pool and a basketball court, along which Cum On Prancer had a water bottle thrown at his head. Yea! We reached the beer check, which had an amazing view of NoVA and DC. We drank, and were off, headed back towards MLK BLVD. We reached the end behind OnOnOn, and the pack continued to consume their beers.
6 Pigs in a Blanket was overheard saying “No, I did not stick my thumb in there,” which of course begs the question, Why not?
Everyone Wearing Vibrams was violated for being put to shame by Bear, who ran the entire trail without any shoes, despite broken 40s and shiggy abound. That’s right, if you want to “run like Paleolithic man,” then actually do it.
MotorMouth was violated for taking us all the way out to Anacostia, only for the pack to be attacked by W.A.S.P.’s.
The Hares apparently Google Map’d “PI” and then took us directly there.
Though the hash was already a bit out of place, the Hillbilly Hashers had to go and up the ante by wearing Confederate flag shirts on trail. Guys, you lost!
Along the same line, Herpicles decided it was appropriate to carry a watermelon on trail pretending it was her baby.
Violations from the Crowd
The Frenchies were violated for touting their flag on trail after losing to Mexico the same day…ouch.
Hungry Hungry Homo spent a whole week riding, but his ass was sore.
Fucks Up, Doc? apparently hurt some peoples’ feelings, because she was violated for being the meanest Jubilee.
Whiskey Business felt bold enough to scribe and pass out violations while wearing a race-ist shirt.
Double Ohhh, Positive forced Little Red Ride-Me-Good to lie about her age just to get engaged.
And then, of course, it was time for a naming!
Just TrainWreck, ahem, I mean, Just Mary went to Loyola College, and now she “does web stuff.” Hmm, off to a good start. Her favorite Disney movie is The Little Mermaid. She lost her V-card at age 18, and she claimed that her most embarrassing sexual moment was when her and whoever broke the bed and then someone walked in on them naked. Right….
And then the fun stuff came out! She had sex in a Levi Outlet dressing room, because she’s kinda easy, but also thrifty! She turned two guys gay and one into a monk, been peed on before, and can pull guys out of a dorm room hall right quick! Don’t worry though, because she is smart about this behavior: she has a safe word- Pineapple!
Names: Acid Wash
Upside-Down Pineapple Cake
Kinda a Whore
Straight to Gay
Pee on Your Colada
After much deliberation (and giggling, mostly by this highly immature scribe), Just Mary was deemed Pee on Your Colada!
We drank, we sang, we ate fried chicken at Georgina’s.
Come this Week and WEAR YOUR JORTS!