EWH3 #598– Not a Dupont Trail, Braddock Road

 

Hares: Blows a Tranny, Rear Protein Injection, General’s Farm Animal, Red Vag of Courage

 

Virgins: Just Paul, Brad, Stew, Cameron, Andrew, Marie, Constantine, Juan, Jon, Sarah, Guy with Glasses, Diane, Eddy, Mark, Andrew, Mike, Morgan

 

Visitors:             Utterly Seeking Sausage from Kansas City HHH

                        Anchor Spanker from Filthy New Orleans HHH

                        Pussy Longstockings from Boston HHH

 

OnOnOn: Fireflies

 

After karaoke at Freddie’s the week before, the hash decided it needed a break and so instead of Dupont, went to Braddock Road (note to self: when a hasher tells you that she made out with you at Freddie’s because she thought you were gay and so unthreatening, and you don’t remember any of this, then you’ve already lost).  The pack gathered around a field of some sorts, eagerly looking around for virgin interns (it is the summer).  They came, but unfortunately were mostly dudes.  There was also a rumor of icing and 4loko chugging going on beforehand, but this can neither be confirmed nor denied (just kidding they both totally happened).

 

The pack ran off on a trail that was immediately shortcutted by Wax On Whacks Off.  We zagged and zigged throughout the fine neighborhoods of Alexandria.  Of special/sad note: we came to two boob checks but no boobs (and actually maybe a bit of ‘tude).  Ladies, you know the crowd you’re getting yourself into!  Take one for the team- you know we’d all do the same for you.

 

After drinking some tasty adult beverages in a church parking lot, we were off again, this time through some street festival on Mount Vernon, which gave the EWH3 attention whores a taste of what they would have received had we ran through Dupont.  The pack then turned into the back of a bread warehouse where we had circle/fun/beer/snacks.

 

Violations

 

Poops Deville unsuccessfully tried to get the hash to switch from 4loko to Mad Dog 20/20 at beginning circle.

 

We here at EWH3 follow rules to the T, so you can imagine our disappointment when Just Brennan, Just Sam, and Just Brittany thought they’d be cute and sprint through the boob checks…

 

Wank Like An Egyptian went to a bar 10 minutes before it closed, hit on five girls, but still went home to masturbate alone. 

 

John 369 wore a kickball shirt to the hash.  Enough said.

 

Just Rich admitted to cleaning his shoes with alcohol after each run.  Lucky for him, we had a whole van full of alcohol for him to pour into his shoes, only this time he had to drink it out.

 

Just Sarah wore a racist shirt on trail.  She was brought by Just Rich, which was good for him, because he had another shoe to drink out of.

 

Just Brittany had a race chip on her shoes.

 

When asked what race her aforementioned race chip was from, Just Brittany smugly replied, “Um, the last one I ran in.”  No sh!t.

 

Just Brittany admitted to getting really really drunk the night before and pleased “Please don’t make me drink free beer!”

 

***note: here ends my attempts to accost Just Brittany with violations.

 

Red Vag of Courage of took the trail to a bread factory and she brought all the yeast.

 

 

Violations from the Crowd

 

Poops Deville, Pee Wee’s Little Adventure, and Just Jon were standing in a corner in their boxers hold cups of beer above their heads and trying to pour it into their mouths with straight arms.  They called the game Dr. Straight Arm, but there was really nothing straight about it.

 

Presidential Nasty went to school for 13 years but still finds himself unemployed…well, actually, let’s call it funemployed. 

 

Zam-Bone-Me was overheard having a heated Twilight debate.

 

Cum Dumpling ran away from shaggy twice, each time squealing like a tiny girl.

 

 

We then of course did that thing with the names and the new names and the jokes…

 

Just Jade (not her porn name) is an accountant.  Her favorite Disney movie is Robin Hood.  She lost her virginity at 18 and never looked back…She’s had sex in a golf cart and two threesomes in one night.  Mile High Snub once crashed at her and her husband’s place (for this story “husband” is a synonym for “luckiest man alive”).  Mile High Snub was passed out in the bathroom when Just Jade came in at 3:30 AM naked on a break from a threesome.  Why she did not invite her fourth guest, we will never know….

 

Suggested Names:             18^th Hoe

                                    Triple Hoegie

                                    Double Eagle

                                    Tiger’s Wood

                                     I Think We Need a Fourth

                                    Motley Screwed

                                    Abra-Kastabra

                                    Little Bit of a Stretch

 

After much deliberation and debate (no, seriously), the pack decided that from now on, Just Jade will be known as I Think We Need a Fourth.

 

We sang songs, went to the bar and despite not being in Dupont or Freddie’s, still managed to sing “I Want it That Way” by the Backstreet Boys.

 

-Whiskey Business

EWH3 Scribe