EWH3 #602- Van Ness/UDC Metro Trail

Hares: General Ass Pounder, Pussy Longstockings, Six Fags, Six Pigs in a Blanket, and a mystery hare.

Virgins: Just Ben, Michelle, Sam, Patrick, Susie, Angela, Brad, Lamar, Derrick, Josh, Peggy, DJ, Sydney, Dave, Joey, Jeremy, Charlotte

Visitors:             Ear Shot (Anarchy H3)

                        Just David (Mount Vernon)

                        Osama Been Hashing

                        Eiffel Tower (NYCH3)

 

OnOnOn/Circle/Not-a-Valet Lot: Atomic Billiards

The hash circled up under ominous skies across the street from the Van Ness/UDC metro.  I say ominous, because ChippenFails was on the prowl that night, which always makes people worried.  Oh, and then it started to rain.  Hard.  Like, had-to-ford-a-river-of-water-to-get-to-the-beer-van hard.  This, of course, made things difficult, as the hares had been away ten minutes before the downpour.  Luckily, Put It Out, Red Vag of Courage, Rear Protein Injection, and Back Snatch noted the Giant, bought some flour, and provided us with a trail to follow!

The pack ran through the UDC campus and down into the muddy creeks and trails surrounding the area.  Good thing it rained, because we all really needed the humidity.  There was a near-snaring of Back Snatch, but some clever haring just led to some exhausted FRBs, who then had to trek up another hill. 

 

The pack ran to a dead-end road for a beer check, where we had to drink beer and hit on virgins very quickly before the really rich people called the cops on us for being close to their back yard.  When it came time to go, the pack followed the original hares, running up the hill to Connecticut Avenue, then proceeding to the end circle, which was super fun, especially if you were looking to get your car valet parked!  So with nowhere to go, Plan B packed up, the pack changed, and we headed into the bar to attempt an indoor circle.

 

Violations

 

Wank Like an Egyptian and Just Sam raced into beer check at the tail-end of the pack, like competing for first place in Special Olympics.

 

I’ll Push Backa, Just Sandy, and Piece of Chum all showed up wearing racist attire.

 

Just Eliza thought a wet t-shirt wasn’t enough, and decided to wear white shorts as well.

 

Just Lauren wore an extremely bright sports bra- was she afraid of getting hit by a car, or just calling attention to her chest?

 

As RA, Cock-a-Doodle-Do Me made it rain then produced a rainbow, making EWH3 gayer than usual.

 

Just Lauren wore 3 shirts on trail, making her the most sexually frustrating Russian nesting doll.

 

The Hares– for obvious reasons (and because we always need someone to blame!)

 

Fucks Up, Doc? does not need to bring a headlamp on trail with that rock she has on her finger.

 

Violations From the Crowd

 

Pretty kimpossible- you fu*kers are loud!

 

And then it was time for a solemn occasion!  Oh wait….

 

 

Everyone drank, ate burritos, and tried to get theirs.

 

–Whiskey Business

EWH3 Scribe