Hash Trash: EWH3 #605

EWH3 #605:  Blue Dress Run, Foggy Bottom

 

Hares:  Slumcock Anywhere, Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack, General’s Farm Animal, Just Jamie, Just Allison

Brew Crew:  Double-Ohhh Positive, Little Red Ride Me Good

 

Virgins:  Just Lana, Dan, Jude

 

Visitors:  4 by 4 (Accra, Ghana H3), Drop ‘n’ Tag (Armenia), Pro Boner (transplant from NYC H3), Nymphuck (Aloha H3)

Analversaries:  17–Hong Kong Ptooey!, 69–Hungry Hungry Homo

                            

OnOnOn:  The Exchange

 

This trail commemorated the anniversary of Bill Clinton’s admitting he got it on with intern Monica Lewinsky… at least, depending on what the definition of “is” is.  Now, I’m a big fan of Famous Original Bubba, so much so that I named my cat after him, so I was really looking forward to putting a blue dress on and runnign this trail.

Famous Original Bubba

So, there we were, assembled in a parking lot off Washington Circle, all in blue dresses getting handed cigars (don’t inhale!) and squirted with sticky, white substances.  So this is what interning at the White House would’ve been like.  Once we were all sufficiently covered in, um, DNA, the pack took off through Foggy Bottom, past the Watergate–erstwhile home of the giver of Presidential Head–and onto the Georgetown Waterfront.  Speaking of interns present and future, as we ran up the steps from the waterfront to K Street, we all got high-fived by what had to be a pack of college freshmen.  Welcome!  We’re happy to have you!  After running through Georgetown, we found the shot check in a grassy area off another parking lot.  The shot was, of course, a blow job.  Bonus points if you ate it without using your hands!  After sucking our shots down, we ran through parts of Kalorama and over the Q Street Bridge (to the 21st Century) before hitting the beer check on the Spanish Steps. 

And then we were off again.  The pack ran through Dupont Circle and then started cutting East, heading towards Lafayette Park.  We all ran by the White House, of course, and then, finally, much to our relief, found the on-in in an alley near the bar.  It’s the beer, stupid!

 

Violations

 

Hong Kong Ptooey! said, “I’m like a guy; I just want a quickie.”

 

Motormouth wanted to change boob checks and dick checks to over-35 and under-35 checks.  Don’t take any more boobs away from the hash, you do enough of that with your “game!”

 

Unobtainium got the trail confused with his favorite porn and said it was, “long, hot and hard.”

 

Chip ‘n’ Fails tried to hit on a couple of guys on M Street.  Their response:  “That dress doesn’t look good on you.”

 

PSA told Floral Sex not to swallow.  Bad advice.  Besides, swallowing is what this trail is all about!

Speaking of which, someone asked Mannipple Lickter why his dress didn’t have any white stuff on it.  He said it was because he swallowed.

 

Zamboneme thinks Santa’s jizz tastes like candy canes.  I tried to get Cum on Prancer into circle so she could find out if she was right, but he was nowhere to be found.

RPI came dressed as Ken Starr, so Presidential Nasty gave him a DNA sample.

Whiskey Business said, when the pack got to the Georgetown waterfront, “Oh, no!  The Waterfront!  People might see me, and I look gay in this dress!”  No, I’m pretty sure your being gay makes you look gay.  (But not the reacharound–that’s just courteous.)

Cum of a Preacher’s Hand got his Clinton Administration people mixed up and came to the hash dressed as Janet Reno.

Drop ‘n’ Tag forgot to bring a sports bra, so she ran trail holding her tits, even though lots of harriers would’ve been happy to do the job for her.

SWAB tried to spray Floral Sex with a phallic-shaped device he was holding, but he ran out before she could finish.

Violations from the Crowd

 

Uncle Tom’s Stabbin’ is moving to Germany because she hasn’t had enough scheisse porn in her life.  Also, she ran trail really fast so that people would remember her, even though it’s much more memorable if your’e fast after the hash.

 

Just Liz copied Whiskey Business–they were wearing the same dress.

Hungry Hungry Homo and Fuxedo both wore brand new drinking vessels.

Rear Protein Injection got a little dyslexic and ended up sexually assaulting a girl–he thought “No! No!” was actually, “On-on!”

 

Fuxedo brought another Asian as his virgin. 

I’m Lick James, Bitch! hurdled over a tourist.  Actually, that’s not just acceptable hash behavior, that’s something DC residents should do more often in general.

SWAB was lonely, so he stuffed Michael Jackshound’s squirrel down his pants.  

And then, of course, it was time for a naming!

 

Just Allison majored in psychology and religion at Northwestern and now works for the Department of Defense, doing religion research.  She lost her virginity when she was 16, in a field, to her then boyfriend, who lasted all of 10 seconds–but, she had already broken her hymen from fisting a couple years before.  Just Allison once hooked up in the bathroom of a Cold Stone Creamery, came out afterwards, and left the building with her skirt tucked in her underwear.  She spent 3 months sleeping with a guy who turned out to be gay–he would hook up with guys and then go to Allison’s place and hook up with her–and she didn’t find out until he invited her to a gang bang.  That might be an even more questionable choice than the guy she slept with for a few months so she could play his guitar hero.  Or is that what the kids are calling it these days?  Just Allison also once traded a blow job for a Bud Light.  Bud Light, really?  Come on, hold out for a mini keg of Bell’s or something.  Someone recently told her that she’s “too ugly to rape,” and she was offended by that comment.  After hearing all those stories, I bet you wankers all want a piece of her, but sorry, she’s taken.  Yup, Just Allison is engaged.  Her fiance is in the Navy.  Wow, she really does like ’em gay!

 

Names:           Straight Chick for the Queer Dick

                        Weapon of Masturbation

                        Shitty Seconds

                        Cold Stone No Cream in Me

                        My Way or the Bi Way

                        Plow the Field

                        Ass to Mouth

                        Too Ugly to Rape

                        Tastes Great, More Willing

 

 

Henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except Great Falls–fuck them!), Just Allison shall be known as Shitty Seconds.

Is everybody happy?  You bet your ass we are!  We all went to the bar in our blue dresses, drank more booze, danced, played flip cup, and tried to get laid.

 

I <3 Bubba,

Tits for Tots

EWH3 Scribe