EWH3 #613: The FABuLOUS Toga Trail Pentagon City

Hares: Haystack, Just Chris G, and Just Peter M

 

Virgins – Just Brian, Just Aaron, Just Teresa, Just Herb, Just Carrie, Just Cindy, Just Brian, Just Bryan, Just Ian

Visitors – Bring out the Gimp (Boston), Just Brian (Homeless), Just Mike (Homeless), B5 (Homeless), Cocktogolist (Portland), Skinny Bitch (Portland), Trunk Monkee (Portland), and Two lips in a Bush (Cairo)

It was a crisp fall evening in Northern Virginia, when the sexy little wankers met up for a fun activity, that included sweating, singing, screaming, moaning, toga’s, beer, and our favorite gay bar. Surprisingly, this fun activity did not end in –angbang, but was the FABuLOUS Toga trail in Pentagon City. With the goal of finding beer, a long-lost love, or just a tranny for the night, we circled up in an abandoned parking lot and prepared ourselves for the gleeful adventures we were bound to encounter.

The hares had pranced away earlier to lead the endeavor with prowess and togas like Greek gods, but bodies like Homer unfortunately for us (and yes I mean the cartoon character not the author). After singing a song about Joe’s crappy life, we began our Oddyssey hopeful to encounter beautiful sirens and majestic man-lovers…but instead we only found pretentious Northern Virginian’s.

Starting in Pentagon City, we took off south towards Crystal City. Knowing we would end up at the best bar in Arlington, we gleefully skipped to thought of the beer and bad decisions to come. The trail zigged and it zagged, then it zigged some more through some parks, across some streets, into a nice little plaza, before cutting back behind the mall. In the spirit of the karaoke to come, we were rockin’ the suburbs just like a gay-Michael-Jackson-in-a-toga did.

After only one beer check (which a couple wankers decided to skip, run to the end and then come back like the overachievers they are ahem ahem Whiskey Business and RPI) and NO SHOT CHECKS, we suddenly found ourselves in a precarious position. We were in the heart of an Arlington neighborhood running blindly in our togas. So we zigged and we zagged then we zigged some more through the boxes made out of ticky tacky. People did stupid stuff along the way and luckily, before long we ended up at a law firm’s parking lot to take down 4Loko by the knee, drink some beers, sing some songs, eat some food and to just look good in general. And I mean real good. Everybody came out just to see how good we looked…

VIOLATIONS

Just Eric “fell” onto a parked car legs spread and butt-up only to realize that (1) he wasn’t black and (2) we weren’t the cops.

SWAB was seen diving into trash cans on trail, which goes to show that you can take the boy out of Colombia, but you can’t take the Colombia out of the boy.

Man-Nipple Lickter and Obeastiality were violated for sitting on a compost pile…that wasn’t me L

Just Ian was violated for pedophila aka his dirty dirty ‘stache. Seriously, this thing would have made a 70’s gay porn star offended. That dirty.

Just Heather was given a celebratory drink for having said that she doesn’t give handjobs…only blowjobs. And she was a Virgin!

Just Cindy, B5, and Just Tom were violated for tech-on trail. Seriously a virgin and a visitor??? Just b/c we were running in the suburbs doesn’t mean you should bring your cell phones and ipods on trail…you can still get mugged!

GAP, Pittsburgh Kneeler, and I Manual Cunt were seen wearing racist t-shirts. You’d think they would learn!

Violations from the Crowd

Roll over Bitch was heard saying that Putin was dreamy. We don’t know if he’s into KGB torture or a hammer up the butt, but that sounds like a pretty bad dream.

Whiskey Business is not well endowed, which means he had to drink.

Roll Over Bitch and Man Nipple Lickter both tried to violate someone else, which as we all know, meant that they had to drink for not being funny.

Cock-a-doodle-do-me likes to use her teeth, which scared whoever violated her.

Just Chris and Just Peter were violated by a virgin for laying a shitty trail. When one hare drinks, all hares drink!

 

Then it became time for a somewhat special occasion…A NAMING

Just Adam is from Boston, which makes him a dick, and he just happened to be the beer bitch of the night. He went to college at Syracuse, then to grad school at American, where the mascots combined are the Orange eagles. Just Adam earns his Hash cash by working for the Senate and he loves the Red sox. He went to Catholic school and had several poop stories to go with the fact that he has two sisters. He pooped his pants at a party in Ithaca once and in high school his sister put chocolate pudding in a pair of Just Adam’s underwear and ran through school waving them around. Just Adam got started early in life with an older lady by losing his virginity at the age of 11. She was 12 and luckily didn’t get pregnant because his favorite method of birth control is the pull-out; plus he was only 11! Finally, he likes porn based off of famous movies and his favorite Disney movie is fantasia.

 

Possible names (that didn’t suck too much):

Safe Sex

Shart in a box

Boston Poop Party

Poop Been-a-dick

Lolito

 

Everyone was so proud that Roll Over Bitch actually came up with a funny name about Just Adam’s religious beliefs and love of poop that with nearly unanimous consent Just Adam was named Poop Been-a-Dick.

After that Cock-a-doodle-do-me asked if everybody was happy and we skipped away to Freddy’s for a night of letting down our laurels, getting tested for HIV, singing with glee, and feeding grapes to Tranny’s.

 

O’Doyle Rules!

-Compost Pile