Hash Trash: EWH3 #615


EWH3 #615: Twinkle’s Halloween Hash Bash: Anything But Clothes: Chinatown

Hares: Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Compost Pile, Pee on Your Colada, 6 Pigs in a Blanket, Just Paul, and Shamrock your Cock

Virgins: Just Alex, Nick, Jaron, Marie, Chelsea, Roberto, Erin, Elisa, Anne, and That Guy

Visitors: Banana Condom (Bejing), Lazy Mother Fucker (San Antonia)

OnOnOn: Kelly’s Irish Times

We all met up outside the busy Chinatown metro where, to the delight of the muggles, we proceeded to strip down and suit back up in some scandalous non-clothes. Since security seemed to have an issue with our attire the trail had to be rerouted a bit right from the start. Thankfully we were still quickly rewarded with a delicious shot that one Just described as “Christmas in my mouth”….not sure what kind of Christmases involve everclear and milk but I’m not one to judge. After that it was a long slog down towards the mall where apparently the hares chose a poor color of chalk to mark the trail bc it was pretty hard to find any hash marks and there was a lot of running around in circles. At least this gave everyone an opportunity to show off their rapidly deteriorating outfits. Eventually we stumbled upon the next shot in a parking garage near L’Enfant Plaza. Soon after that we found another shot check that turned out to involve some tasty boxed wine. After slapping the bag it was a quick jaunt across the mall to the ally behind My Brother’s Place where we finally found the beer.

After some more oogling at each other’s lack of clothing we were off once again. Thankfully the rest of trail turned out to be a straight shot to the 395 parking garage. The ice was brought out for the hares that forgot the flour and we drank the rest of the of tasty, tasty everclear shots which made for some very interesting….


Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack’s costume was ribbed for your pleasure.

The Hares for putting on a bad episode of project runway…but hey we made it work!

Mannipple Lickter was looking like a used condom in his costume….lets be honest he’s never had the opportunity to know what a used condom looks like.

Both Hungry Hungry Homo and Slumcock Anywhere were both being hit on by cougars and turned then down….thankfully Wanks Like An Egyptian was there to collect their sloppy seconds

Safeword was caught stripping on the wrong corner and was solicited by a cop.

Just Roberto got carpel tunnel from wanking too much.

Whisky Business had a limp banana…like that’s anything new

The Hares for laying an anything but flour trail.

Just Becky was heard telling Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack “It’s so satisfying!”…must have been the fist time he’s ever made a girl shout that out.

Violations from the crowd:

Put It Out was commended for wearing the proper headgear

Everyone wearing a box because they could not fill them out.

Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack said “I’d like you to bust my bubble”

Just Eric couldn’t feel the tip.

Then it was time for a regular occasion a Naming!

Just Itamar is from Israel which means he has a sexy accent. He went to Dartmouth where he majored in business and he doesn’t know the mascot (to be fair no one else did either). He works as a products manager for O Power and like sex in the cowgirl position. During some sort of Israeli ceremony he was found by the cleaning crew having sex in the boss’ office. Apparently he did something really mean to an old lady involving an underpass….but I was drunk so all I could hear was hot accent, hot accent, hot accent. Apparently he used a black dildo to masturbate and once received a blow job with teeth and screamed “It hurts!”

Names that didn’t suck:

Krav My Guy

Istanbul Can’t Stand A No Hole

Queffer Sutherland

Yes Sir, Yes She’s Fat

Stop Dude It hurts

Black Cocktember

Henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except Great Falls–fuck them!), Just Itamar shall be known as Yes Sir, Yes She’s Fat.

Is everybody happy, you bet your ass we are! Off to the bar we went where we got more drunk and tried to get laid.

My ass is still defrosting

6 Pigs in a Blanket