EWH3# 624:  Red Vag’s Angry (Sex) Trail, Union Station Metro (Red Line of Fury)

Hares:   Red Vag of Courage, Hungry Hungry Homo, PSA, and Mystery Walker Hare!

Virgins:   Terry, Boris, Jared, Tammy, Brian, Lea, Sadie

Visitors:  Snowjob ( _______ Bay), Leperchaun (Ghana), Taste My Rainbow (Jolly Roger Tampa Bay HHH)

OnOnOn:  Kelly’s Irish Times

 

The pack circled up on an oddly warm December evening, eager to start a trail which for most would start a 3-day bender to take them through the New Year.  For some, that bender had already started- take PoopDeville for instance, who was already slurring through his New Year’s Resolution to finally kill all his 100+ can stash of Four Loko (but it seemed like such a good idea to buy it all at the time of The Ban!). 

The trail was “G-H-E-T-T-O” as promised, so G-H-E-T-T-O in fact, that the hares couldn’t afford to lay much flour, causing the pack to bunch up on North Capitol street and scratch its collective head in confusion.  It was here where we learned the timeless stand-in-front-of-traffic-with-your-hand-up-and-endanger-your-small-child-so-you-don’t-miss-the-bus technique.  Classic!

We swung up H Street and proceeded to run through back alleys, hitting Florida Ave and then crossing New York Avenue to a nice secluded spot a few blocks away from FedEx.  Afterwards, we essentially made a beeline back to the pretty much known endspot- that parking garage by 395 with the big tall concrete thing.  Yay!

Violations

The whole pack was made to toast a bar to recognize that, no matter what it is, they were all breaking their New Year’s Resolution.

Chocolate Covered Cherry and Pee Wee’s Little Adventure were stopped by a man who asked them what they were doing.  After telling him that we are a running club, he asked, “SO you do this every Saturday?”  I was just annoyed they didn’t pick up any of what he was on.

PoopDeville not only showed up drunk, but showed up in new shoes.  And then showed up to circle in his underwear.  At least he wasn’t alone- Pee Wee’s Little Adventure and SillyGayVirus had the same idea.

Chocolate Covered Cherry and Whiskey Business had shotgunnable beers- so they had to drink them to Kid Rock from the crowd.

Rear Protein Injection, well, to quote our own Sphincter Shy:

RPI accidentally left a duffel bag at Tunni’s one night. No harm, no foul — typical hash behavior. Hell, all things being equal, any of us would have returned it to him at the next hash without even opening it for fear of catching a whiff of his dank, stinky clothes from the previous hash.

Except for two little things: he apparently expressed more than a little anxiety about the bag when he called Tunni’s directly about it and it was kinda oddly misshapen. So Gaystation, being Gaystation, in the course of dutifully returning RPI’s bag, investigated. He brought the results of his investigation to the attention of the scribe, our own Whiskey Business, at the next hash.

And so Whiskey Business shared the contents of the bag with the entire circle.

Contents:

one set, leather manacles

one set, handcuffs

one wooden yardstick (red sharpie inscription: ‘spank me…’)

one wooden yardstick (used, heavily)

one riding crop, black leather

one whip

one cat o’nine tails

I’m going to stop here because that’s where Whiskey stopped. Yes, WhiskeyWhiskey — was so overwhelmed with embarrassment at what was still in there that he stopped before emptying the bag.

 

Violations from the Crowd

Note: Whiskey Business did not have gloves and cannot read his handwriting, but he sure remembers a lot of laughing!!!! LOLOLOL!

 

And then we had a special event…a naming- Oh wait…ooops.

 

Was everybody happy?! Sure seemed like it- well, save for the GMs and the people in queue to be named. *** FYI- if this is you or if you think this is you, make sure you show up, are ready to be fun/spill the beans/have friends who will do so for you, and listen for your name at the end of the circle!

We drank more beer, sang some Aladdin in the parking lot (no joke- photographic proof!), and had some fun times!

 

Here’s to Car Bombs and Cab rides,

-Whiskey Business

EWH3 Scribe