EWH3 #627

EWH3 #627: The 11th Hour Planned Trail, New York Avenue/Gallaudet University Metro

Hares: Chippen Failz, London Bitches Going Down, Math Sucks… Lets Fuck, Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack

Virgins: Just Newbies!

Visitors: Two From Africa (no, literally- two hashers from Africa were here, but I lost my notes)

OnOnOn: The Star and Shamrock

The pack circled up at the New York Avenue metro, bemoaning the rapidly dropping temperature. Seriously, freezing your ass off was so last week! After being given ample time to scope out which virgins we would hit on, we were off. The trail took us hither and thither through some of DC’s most celebrated neighborhoods (Hey, we’re number 1! ….in like, crime and drugs and stuff), twisting and turning until we came to “that parking deck” by the 395 exit. Some hashers were of course, confused- “Hey, are we at the end already? DID I MISS BEER CHECK??”- but luckily, we had some more trail to run.

The trail continued, over into the H Street area. From what I heard, it was super duper amazing- I wouldn’t know, I temporarily joined the walker trail, but only because Wank Like an Egyptian was scared to walk alone in the area. We ended up in a back alley in the prestigious Trinidad neighborhood, which I applaud the hares for- this was the longest I’ve spent in an area that was once shut down with police checkpoints to get in and out of!

There was an issue with having circle, I think, during which some started off for the bar. But for those who stayed faithful and patient, there was a circle with….


The hares were snared (“Oh, you only gave us 2 minutes after beer check! Wah wah wah!), and so spent the circle on ice. This was unfortunate, as it gave Chippen Failz a platform to expose himself on.

Just Aaron and CockSoup made it Facebook Official- Ladies and gentlemen, our new hash couple!

Ms. Mi-Gag-Me was FRB’ing like crazy, stating that she had a lot of frustration to get rid of. Usually there are other ways we can do this, which reminded me that…

Yule Log is certainly not doing his job if his girlfriend has to FRB to let her frustration out.

Benin Pulled Out had been carrying around an advertisement with a person who he thought looked like me for 3 weeks, but had been too afraid to try and violate me with it. Wow, that sounded even worse when being typed.

Chippen Failz needs to learn that laying a bad trail is no way to get laid. And I wrote this before trail even started, which shows I have as much faith in his haring as I do in getting an erection on a Saturday night.

Bad Dog accentuated his typical dirty look with a pedophiliac/terriorist-esque face mask.

Just Julia did not recognize that CockSoup’s shirt with a Ducks logo on front, and Bombay on the back, was from The Mighty Ducks. So we assaulted her with a healthy round of “Quack, quack, quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack!”

Violations from the Crowd

Hey, it was a “whisper circle,” so this is the only one I got down…

Just Aaron was so racist that he had his picture taken in a running magazine (such a nice smile!), along with a bunch of other people. Kudos to Wank Like an Egyptian for cutting it out for his scrapbook- er, to bring it to the hash.

And then there was a naming!

Just Braden is a math nerd…easy said. Some interesting tidbits that should totally define him as a person are that he dates RhinoBlastMe, once literally got a “blow” job (not from Rhino though), once had sex while on a conference call, and of course, got drunk in college and spent the night grinding on a dance floor and hooking up with an Asian midget.


Sh*tty name from Chippen Failz #1

Sh*tty name from Chippen Failz #2

Sh*tty name from Chippen Failz #3

Sh*tty name from Chippen Failz #4

Not to Scale

Sh*tty name from Chippen Failz #5

Sh*tty name from Chippen Failz #6

And so it was determined that henceforth and throughout the world of hashing, Just Braden would be known as Not To Scale!

We went to the bar, ate latkes and Ruebens, and listened to “awesome” ironic acoustic covers of songs!

I should develop a new system,

Whiskey Business

EWH3 Scribe