EWH3 #639: Its Tourist Season Bitches! Trail- Smithsonian Metro
Hares: London Bitches Falling Down, Six Pigs In A Blanket, Not To Scale, Just Mary
Virgins: Just Allie, Emily2 (Emily & Emily, The Emilys, etc), Alex
Visitor: Just Amanda, Brooklyn
Bonestroker, Boise Idaho
The pack circled up outside the Mall exit of the Smithsonian metro. After a day of God’s tears weeping for the loss of dignity for every hasher in attendance at the WIE Weekend (it was raining), hashers stood around in a precarious lull. Some examined their phones, tracking the incoming storm, while others looked eager to shed the title of “Fair-Weather Hasher.” Many soaked shirts and souls later, they would have earned that right.
The pack went off and was pretty much immediately lost. We got away from the Mall quite quickly (tourist my a$$!) and basically lived a vacationer’s nightmare: heading into SW and not knowing where we were going. Scary! The rain picked up intensely for about 10 minutes and despite the lack of actual boob checks laid on trail, the hashers were treated to free ones from harriets who did decided to ignore the weather (probably on purpose). We ran past the Waterfront and to a usual end-spot under 395 where we huddled for warmth and drank beer.
Knowing that the OnOn was at Hamilton’s pretty much gave away the spot for end circle, and the second half pretty much became a disgruntled pack heading straight to the end. Most of us beat the hares. For shame! It started raining a bit, and so it was time for…
Wait, what? Oh yea, our illustrious RA Wax On, Whacks Off doesn’t play by the rules! Just Matt flies with Airhead. He generally falls in love with strippers and will usually spend 3-4 grand a night on them. Apparently he’s easily fooled. He often gets strippers to sleep in his bed and then he’ll sleep on the couch. He’s dating Just Nathalie, tricked her into sexstuff, and once had sex with a young girl (while he was a young guy?).
And it was quickly deemed that Just Matt would hereafter be known as Gomer Pedophile!
And then it was time for…..
(Wet Joke) Violations
Chippen Failz brought two female virgins to the hash, since tonight was pretty much the only guarantee that they would get wet.
The Hares made a tourist hash but they should have known that it never rains on vacation!
Pussy Tits & Ass claimed she doesn’t come to EWH3 that often since the guys here don’t do it for her, but check out how wet she got!
Miss Me Gag Me and Blow Blow Blow Your Boat went behind the dumpster for some lesbian fun, but they were safe since Blow Blow was wearing the world’s biggest dental dam.
All Harriets had to drink, as we couldn’t decide what smelled worse, them or the SW fish market we ran by.
Just Alex (a male) said that Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock brought him at the start, but then saidChippen Failz brought him at the end, begging the question- who’s better?!
Gaystation and General’s Farm Animal helped an old Asian lady take out her trash, but did not make it into a porn. Coxxx on Demand was then brought in, because he actually wanted to see that porn.
Violations from the Crowd
Gaystation said he can’t drink beer because he’s lactose intolerant. Hm.
London Bitches Going Down snuck into Tits for Tots’ bed at the WIE Weekend.
Latter Day Stains only took 700 photos over the course of 1 weekend. He’s slacking.
Roll Over, Bitch! had a gay umbrella.
And hello déjà vu, it was time for another wet naming!
Just Kristen likes standing sex and is dating Gaystation. She went to Danville University. Her ex-boyfriend crashed the Country Music Awards, stole a stretch limo, and was able to evade the police. She’s done other things, like be super skinny and break into the van for us, but I was wet and cold and stopped taking many notes, until we got to…
Names: Open Source
Fast & Curious
Driving Ms. Sleazy
Grand Theft Anal
After much lambasting it became obvious that Just Kristen would now be known as Grand Theft Anal!
We went to Hamilton’s, where we attempted to eat all of their chili-cheese tots (we did) and drink all their beer (obviously).
Am I dry yet?