EWH3 #640: Capitol South St. Patty’s Day Trail

Hares: Compost Pile, Shamrock Your Cock, Latter Day Stains, Scarlett Letter, Just Veronika, Just Kelly

Virgins: Catherine, Tara, Jared, Brian, Mason, Caitlyn, Jen, Spencer, Laura, Devon, Kate, Matt, Laurel, James

Visitors: Side Show Jesus (Ithica), Tastes Like Chicken and Stunt Dick Double(Corpus Christy)

OnOnOn: Bullfeathers

“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” – Oscar Wilde – This was for sure how I felt when I stumbled into work on Friday to the sound of my boss laughing at me. It was worth it though for the awesomeness that was the St. Patrick’s day hash……

Slainte wankers! This is a day on which three great events collide, the March Madness kickoff, the day of the great St. Patrick and one of the first really warm weather hashes. That’s right those days of skimpily clad hares and harrietts are here again. The pack circled up outside the Cap South metro and was off in the direction of the ballpark. We quickly turned and ran through a park where we found, what turned out to be the first of many, delicious shots….JELLO! After that we headed up towards Pennsylvania and found another shot…this one of whiskey. We stumbled the rest of the way around the Hill and checked under 395.

After a few beers we are off in the direction of the Navy Yard. We weaved in and out of those Easter egg colored condos where we found our final prize, a shot of some sort of Bailey’s concoction that was absolutely delicious.  From there it was a straight shot; no wait just kidding there is one more surprise….boxed wine! After slapping the bag we finally finished up once again under 392 (or 295, I don’t know the roads that well and I was really drunk by then). After some treats and drinks it was time for….

Violations

Chippe’n Fails was trying to hit on the deaf chick but his lines were to lame even for her….so he asked if anyone knew a band chick bc they are apparently even easier.

Holy Milk Of My Mother was heard screaming “you can’t have my vagina!”

Silver Spooge asked to rub Little Red Ride Me Good, so that’s what they’re calling it these days.

One Tit Only admitted that the bra she was wearing was found hash treasure

Floral Sex’s virgin was the reason she was late…that’s never good

Hungry Hungry Homo for his tony hawk impression without a board

The Hares for leaving a 4 loco unattended

ZZ Bottom III lost his pearl necklace on trail….thankfully I Am Cumsing was able to give him another

The hares for drawing a BT as big as their nonexistent cocks

Trim Shady flashed Dungeons & DragQueens to get her own beads back

I’m sure there were violations from the crowd but you were all being way to loud for me to hear them. Anyway it was onto an exciting event….a NAMING!

Just Mary is from bumfuck VA and went to GWU where she studied dance.  Her favorite barnyard animal is a cow and she likes the Little Mermaid, she also dated Chippe’n Fails. She apparently had a competition in HS to see who could give a guy head first and won. She once woke up and thought she had pink eye….then the guy in the bed told her that “no its just bc I jerked off in your face and it got in your eye.” Her favorite sex toy is The Bullet and she sometimes likes to make out with girls.

Names that didn’t suck:

Head of the Class

Ginger Spread Girl

Head First

The Black Twat

Preparation OH

Skeet, Spray, Love

Hiney Dancer

Henceforth and forever more Just Mary shall be known as Preparation OH

On-Irish-On

6 Pigs in a Blanket

EWH3 Scribe