EWH3 #647: El Fifth-o Anal-o Cinco de Mustacio en el Cinco de Mayo Trail- Columbia Heights Metro

Hares:  Hungry Hungry Homo, Tits for Tots, Pee Wee’s Little Adventure, Silly Gay Virus, Just Michal

Virgins:  Just Jonathan, Sam, Rick, Molly, Amanda, Shelby, Danny, Pin, Adam, Matt, John, Nate, Charlotte, Lauren, Frank, Kristen, Marissa, Halie, Jessie, Alice, Chris

Visitor:   Badass Cum Tricks, Iguana H3

OnOnOn:  Meridian Pint

Ah, Cinco de Mustacio, the one hash every year that painfully reminds me of my inability to grow anything other than a slight afterthough of facial hair on my face (yes- if you saw me, that’s about all I’ll get).  Of course, Pee Wee’s Little Adventure and Silly Gay Virus figured out a solution for that- tattooing one on their fingers!  Fortunately for them, we were circling up in a hipster stronghold (I mean, Wonderland was 3 blocks away!), so their ‘staches were bound to compensate for their ordinary lack of opening line.

The trail took us off through the Mt. Pleasant area and into Adams Morgan.  There was some turkey-eagle splitting that occured, followed by a pretty nice, albeit lengthy run along rock-creek park.  The weather was nice, so I didn’t mind, and was especially happy to have my face melted off by one particular mind-fcuk of an FRB-loop.  Its OK, my shoes needed to cool off.  After some more running we hit the occasional shot check and then ended up in the backyard (back-alley?) of our one and only Hungry Hungry Homo.  There was much drinking until our GM’s sent us off to run some more, drink some more shots, yell at some more locals, and then end up in a parking lot just off of Georgia Avenue- I think (note to self: 5 hour energies before hashing makes you take a LOT of illegible notes).

Being the socially/politically conscious group that we are, we could not ignore certain current events- namely the justice done in Pakistan to that dude who did that thing.  Being the drunk and always inappropriate group that we are, we found no other way to celebrate than to bring Osama Bin Hashing into the circle and re-dub him, Osama WAS Hashing.  I’ll just ignore the fact that those are both in the past tense…

Of course, we also made time for…

Violations

First off, I decided to beat everybody to the punch by violating myself, Whiskey Business, since my most of my kids can grow more facial hair than I can.

6Fags represented the fact that we are at a point in society where rape is a no-no, AIDs is somewhat workable, but pedophilia is totally free-game for comedy.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock really played the Mexican card with his day-laborer-fruit-picking tan.

Hungry Hungry Homo made two girls cum just to keep us guessing.

Cutting Class celebrated Cinco de Mayo the only way he knew how- grinding up against his fellow HispanicHasher, I Manuel Cunt.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock decided that he wanted to do an even gayer Freddie Mercury impression than Freddie Mercury himself.

Latter Day Stains dropped some nuts on the ground, but didn’t hesitate to eat them, because in the end he “likes a dirty nut.”

I Manual Cunt went “full Ted” upon receiving his boxers.  You never go “full Ted.”

Bad Dog brought a duffel bag to the hash….because Just Michal was going home in it.

Wax On Whacks Off was wearing a heart rate monitor, which only gave him one reading: OLD.

Not to give anything away or make anything awkward, but Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock was spotted looking at wedding rings.

Violations from the Crowd

Where the Streets have No Shame explained why she’s dating Roll Over, Bitch! when she was overheard saying that “shorter is better.”

The hares had a mythical shot on trail that no one was found- the Chupacabra stole it.

….and this is where the bear fight of energy and beer made handwriting illegible.

Messing with Osama WAS Hashing only wet our appetites, we needed another naming!

Just Michal was born in San Francisco.  She went to college at Berkley, who’s mascot is the Bears.  Her favorites include 101 Dalmations (Disney), reverse cowgirl (sex position), and Pirates (porn).  She works for a social justice fellowship.  The big fun came when she disclosed that she once had an orgasm on a camel in Israel.  And then the names starting coming….

US AIDs

1 Hump or 2?

Camel Hoe

Whore-a the Explorer

They Spit

We really hit it good early, and Just Michal was dubbed 1 Hump or 2?

And we didn’t stop there…

Just Matt was born in Alaska.  He went to Dickerson for undergrad and American for graduate school and was into political science and all that.  He is an actual virgin (?!?!), but has had some sexual experiences- like the time that he was on a train in Alaska, met a lady, got a bit frisky with her and then vomited on her.  And the names…

I Suck a Rod

The Puke-on Territory

Drill Baby, Drill

Loose in the Caboose

Atlas Plugged

Perma Fist

It was the night of getting it right early-on:  Just Matt became The Puke-on Territory.

We went to Merdian Pint and scared some hipsters (I think).

Loving the 5HE,

Whiskey Business

EWH3 Scribe