Hares: Tits for Tots, other hares whom I forgot because this s*it ain’t on the website! (We call that, shifting the blame)

Virgins: Just Jimmy, Melanie, Jason, Dia, Alex, Collins, Yvonne, Andre, Louis, Justin, Susan, Rachael, Mark, Tommy

Visitors: Peppermint Pussy, Boston

OnOnOn: THE Wonderland Ballroom

The pack began to amass outside the GA Ave-Petworth metro, an inconspicuous mob of white people dressed in white with red bandannas. So inconspicuous that we attracted the attention of a local man named Collins, who donned some running clothes, came out, asked what was going on, replied “WHAT?! I’m in!” and hereafter became Just Collins.

The trail itself took us off through the surrounding neighborhoods, getting us lost at THAT circle (per usual), and weaving here and there. This being my first run back with EWH3 since leaving my walking days behind me, I was more concentrating on trying not to vomit (don’t worry- that happens later). We had a nice shot check that brought us into a beer check behind the Safeway. Gotta love GA Ave. From there, I joined the much larger walkers trail (funny how that happens the second half, right?) to bring us into that shady alley/parking lot for the end.

We circled up, sang some songs, and then had some VIOLATIONS:

Just Alex got a UTI from Whiskey Business before the trail even started.

Hungry Hungry Homo sent the trail map out on the CapHill listserv, as if it wasn’t already easy to catch these harriets.

Yule Log once again smelled terrible. This of course brought in Miss Me Gag Me for a commendation, because she has to put that in her mouth.

Dildo Shaggins was heard to say, “I was blowing on it and it came right up in my face.” Really?!

Hungry Hungry Homo wore a Band-Aid on his penis at the camping trip, ensuring that it’d look even worse off than
usual.

Just Collins yelled “Oh my God, I can’t feel my testicles!” on trail. Welcome to the hash, buddy.

Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack was gone in the hospital for 3 days but still showed up at EWH3- dude, we all know that
Jesus can’t go hashing…

Benedrill Me ran ahead of everyone despite being the sweeper.

Cock Your Suck I Will brought a bunch of glowsticks to the camping trip that were used as cock necklaces.

[TRUNCATED DUE TO LAZINESS]

Then there was, of course, a naming!

Just Kevin is a big dude from Pasadena, MD who is self-educated and works in IT. His favorite Disney movie is Aladin, his favorite animal is the fox, he loves doggystyle, and the worst thing he’s done is beat someone up. He was 18 when he lost his v-card, shits quickly, and once got a mouth infection from going down south on a lady friend.

Names:

Yeastiologist
Blown Red Handed
Lube my Gangbang
5Guys
Anus Winemouth
MMMM bop
Jiffy Lubed
I Dream of Weenie
Tragic Carpet Ride

Well, we broke out into song, because henceforth and throughout the world of hashing, blah blah blah, Just Kevin will hereby be known as Tragic Carpet Ride!

We danced our faces off at Wonderland.
-Whiskey Business
EWH3 Scribe