Hash Trash EWH3 #697: Would You Still be My Friend if I Wore This Trail

Where: Judiciary Square

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, February 23, 2012. Pack away at 7:15ish (ok, it was actually like 7.30)

Hares:   Connect Whore, Faker Oats, Laying Mantis, Just Patricia, Quaker Throats and Yule Log

Virgins: Just Heather, Hollis, Kim, Ken, Aaron, Sam, Vizi (??), some guy I could never hear, April, Ben, Harrison

Visitors: Lazy Motherf*cker

OnOnOn: The Dubliner

We circled up in Judiciary Square while Plan B was overladen as usual – our RA for the evening was Whiskey Business in his finest flannel.  Virgins were instructed, introduced and had their song.  At this point the one visitor should have joined us in circle, but we didn’t find him out until later.  Because he’s lazy.  A lazy mofo.

Trail was LONG and winding through mostly business district.  There were a number of false trails – there may or may not have been a tit check, as there were competing reports about that fact.  Maybe there just weren’t enough of them.  There were two shot checks – one of which was nasty, and one of which was tasty – but neither of which was at the top of the parking structure which everyone ran up 5 flights expecting to find.  Except for those who knew better and just caused problems for the parking attendants instead.   Beer check (also tasty) was in a tried and true parking area, and unbeknownst to apparently most, was also where end circle was held.  A long, long, time later.  Seriously hares.  Good thing they were violated for their shitty trail!!

Speaking of violations…

  • Just Kate was violated for having terrible muggle friends – apparently they are “anti-hash” because their parents told them bedtime stories about the evil of our ways.  The good news is – we are legen….wait for it… dary.  Or infamous.  I’ve heard it both ways.
  • Just Jerrad was violated for violating 6 Pigs (and many, many restaurant signs) from behind, without any lube.  That’s no way to make friends!
  • Just Breck was violated for attempting to play grab-ass with the cops in Chinatown by yelling “catch me” as she zipped past!
  • Brokeback Mama was violated for bragging that he managed to come after only 4 strokes of his cigar – not entirely sure being so quick is something to be proud of…
  • Whiskey was violated for only drinking until 9 AM – he is a teacher after-all – surely he’ll need something to get through the day
  • Tragic Carpetride was violated for telling the cops two weeks ago that he has “seen the Wire” and therefore they should not mess with him.
  • Just Beryl was violated for making off with Haystack’s clothes – just because he lets you wear them to sleep in, doesn’t mean you get to take them with you in the morning!
  • NEW SHOES VIOLATIONS – of which there were many: Just Jacob, Just Ben, Just Breck, Just Cat, Just Eli and Just Ryan.  Two points – Just Ben wasn’t actually wearing new shoes, but he volunteered to drink w/ Just Jacob.  No idea why.  Just Cat disputed her new shoe-ness, but she was wearing race gear anyway, so she was getting violated one way or the other.  And Whiskey tested all the shoes for their new-ness.  If they fell to the ground from his hands upon being dropped, they were new.  And yes, they all fell.

And then there was a wondrous ceremony – a NAMING!  A unique naming – the first of its kind I’m told – we named a pair of sisters!

LJ told us a number of stories, but the one that stuck best is the one that got her named Clit Van Winkle!  That’s what she gets for falling asleep while some poor shlub is trying.  Actually, I blame him for being bad at his job, but a great name nonetheless!

And her dear sis Colleen came away with the name Lick it or Ticket for getting caught by the cops, in a compromising 69er position with Admiral Ackbar.  And since it was on the beach,  she very nearly got named “It’s a Sandtrap” – but the hash liked the former and the hash has spoken!

We then proceeded to drink our macho mugs and wander to the Dubliner until the wee hours of the morning!  

on-next time let’s name twins-on

Colliteral Damage

ps – a note from our friendly cops – if you pee in front of them, they will f*ck with you by flashing their lights.  FYI.