Hash Trash: EWH3 #699: Will The Real OC Please Stand Up Trail (aka WIEeeeeeeee prelube)
Where: Dupont Circle
When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, March 8, 2012. Pack away at 7:15ish.
Hares: Yule Log, Miss Me-Gag-Me, Clit Van Winkle, and RPI
Virgins: Just Dania, Sarah, Max, Kelsie, Isma, Bethany, Megan, Stephanie, Joel, Kristopher
Visitors: Holy Kit, Soil Greens, Fire in the Hole
OnOnOn: Madhatter
We circled up in Dupont Circle (how verrrry appropriate), though the bag van was once again forced to park a hectare away. At some point the DC parking-gestapo is going to let up and just let us have Plan B near us. But until then wankers, consider it your warm up (because let’s face it – renditions of “Joe” barely cut it).
The trail began in a way pricier neighborhood than any of us will ever be able to afford – I think the hares were just trying to rub it in (or out possibly). After the tour thru rich-old-people-town, we turned to the woods, where somehow the hares found a way for us to go uphill the entire time, and yet return to a normal elevation at the end. Hand over hand rock climbing was involved. The hares were absolutely violated for that.
Speaking of violations…
- 6 Pigs started a new fashion trend this evening, called the Chippenfailz sock, trying to stuff one thing into five different holes.
- Just Haley showed us all a version of her “special yoga” by humping a parking meter. It did not call her in the morning.
- London Bitches forgot his safety word this week during his “special yoga” and complained all night about how sore his nips and ass were.
- Scarlett Letter, unsatisfied with showing the hash how to do it, demonstrated how to pee in public to homeless men. To resounding applause I was told.
- Dude that Guy got a violation before circle even started – by the cops who called him out for walking the runners trail.
- Shim Job had new shoes on trail – but wait, there’s more. Shim Job purchased two pairs of the exact same shoe, knowing he would have to drink out of one, so that he could then have a clean pair as back up (they were only $30 on the internet. actual quote.) So, out of deference to his needs, Twinkle volunteered his very old and dirty shoe to be the flagon of beer instead. And Whiskey added Shim’s sock for good measure.
- Sexorcist refused to come to circle for her violation, so she required a stand-in. Nonetheless she is violated for going all the way to the Carribean to run a half marathon in brand new shoes
- Tech on trail violations went to Just Danai, though since she was locked out of her apartment and ran in work clothes and vibrams (and somehow managed to bring a 6-pack), we probably should have given her a pass. But what kind of friends would we be if we did? Muggle kind, that’s what.
After the “professional” violations, it was amateur hour for a while, which I did not hear, but I did see some sort of demonstration going on in circle. If anyone remembers what that was, let me know.
And there was a NAMING! Just Amar was named this week – and the crowd was ON. There were at least 20 suggestions, and I didn’t even write all of them down (fact: if the crowd groans it doesn’t go in the notebook). Some of the faves were Keggles with Schmear, Venus Tongue Trap, Cunting Linguist, and a number to do with horses. In the end though, a victor was quickly found when “John Jakob Dingleberry Clit” was called out. Whiskey called it on the spot, and a new hashname was born.
We actually managed to drink ALL THE BEER so there was no edition of macho mug, and instead we wobbled off to the Madhatter. Well, most of us did. But those are other stories for a different venue
on-stay-tuned-for-the-WIE-edition-on,
Colliteral Damage
EWH3 Scribe