Hash Trash EWH3 #719: The Happy Birthday ‘Merica Hangover Trail

Where: Woodley Park/Adams Morgan Metro (Red Line)

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, July5th, 2012. Pack away at 7:15ish.  Don’t tell me what to do devil-hares!!

Hares: Put It Out, BackSnatch, BigBang, Just D #1(Drew) and Just D #2 (Daniel)

On on on:

Peyote Cafe (karaoke! karaoke!)

2319 18th St NW
(between N Belmont Rd & N Kalorama Sq)
Washington, DC 20009

We circled up in a park – as is not uncommon.  Plan B was parked 14.2 hectares away – as is also not uncommon.  It was hot, humid and we knew the trail was going to be longish, so we were ready for our dearest GM to get us going.

Virgins!  A’plenty!  Our virgins were Just Juan Carlos, Ralunca (?), Ellen, Courtney, Ian, Liz, Joe, Daniel, Kristin, Isla and Josh

Visitors – non pudjam only!  Piss Artist, Just Ben, T.E.D. (neither ours nor the movie version), and Whales Vagina.

Then we ran.  We ran alot.  In the heat.  With ridiculous back checks and a vertical hill and a loop.  Mountain Dew Check was in a pretty great alley, on which one of the hares (?) houses backed to, as we were able to hose the dogs down.  It was sweet, it was too short, but we enjoyed it!

We ended in the park that is frequented by kickballers – apparently they knew we were coming though, bc they didn’t have the ballz (ahhh – get it!?) to show up.  Circle was run by my estimable co-hare Chip-n-failz.  He does love to stunt-RA!   We found out if the virgins were boring or kinky, heard some songs and jokes from our visitors.   Jubilee was absent, so we have no idea if there were people who need to get a life, get a life, get a life life life.  But I suspect we all do.  Then there were


  • Haystack, while on BC, tripped over a twig – so, he will be in the hospital for the rest of the week
  • Blow’s a Tranny was wearing more of a scream than a color
  • Mr. Hed (who said head?? NO) was violated for not being sure if the sausage she was running with (no, I don’t know why she was running with a sausage) would blow up in her hand.
  • We all found out that, in a glorious turn of events, Virgin Queen’s new shorts will be help him tuck his bits and snatches better.  Whew!
  • Whales Vagina was violated for whining.  The whole time: before trail, on trail, after trail.  His buddy T.E.D. didn’t like it. (Whales Vagina also refused to stfu in circle, but we became buds that way, so all’s well that ends well)
  • Red Vag of Courage admitted that she likes having “stuff” poured on her head.  What?  It was hot – we’ll take the relief anyway we can get it!
  • Just Dave was violated for being a r*cist
  • DADS was violated for giving it to Uno up the ass the whole way up a hill.  In fairness, appropriate hash behaviour.
  • Cornholio was violated for screaming at Tumblecry “you just came on my face!!”  Apparently, Tumblecry should have tried Red Vag
  • Just Isla was violated for buying a whole new, and matching, outfit for her first hash.
  • Just Joe was violated for his shoes.  They weren’t actually new, but several people brought them up (new, made of an entire tire tread, etc etc) that it had to be done.  Oh, and the chalice.  But, he’s actually pretty proud of that thing.
  • Deathly Swallows had tech on trail.  She says its the hares fault bc she gets lost, but still.
  • Imanual Cunt was violated for jumping (again!) over a h0meless muggle.  Seriously – someone put an anklet on that kid and keep him on the ground.

At that point we turned to violations from the crowd, proceeded to drink ALL THE DELIGHTFUL SHIRLEY TEMPLES and finally managed to get to the glorious….


Twice as nice, we actually had time to do TWO namings this evening!

Just Daniel is a freeloading Russian, who plays woodwind instruments and had more than one bandcamp story.  Oh wait – it was actually DRUM MAJOR camp.  My fault.  Remarkably, and this is the only time I’ve heard this happen, Stunt-Yule Log (Firedrill) asked the traditional “when was the last time you shit your pants” question and got the answer “today” – so, that was weird.  But, bc he is a freeloading, pant-sh*tting, music playing Russian his name suggestions were: Dishonorable Discharge, Putin My Ass, Mr. Holland’s Anus BUT in the end – and for now and always, throughout the land of hashing (except those guys) Just Daniel shall be known as SUM OF ALL QUEERS.

Making an executive decision, our Stunt-RA called Just Drew up to the mat.

Just Drew went to UVA, is into young girls (like Freudian Slip), lost his virginity at 17, and really likes Chipotle.  His naming got off to a slow start, and we’re still not sure why he qualified every sexual encounter story with “she’s a girl,” but his nominations included Gender Specific, Gambled on a Fart, Poke-o de Guyo, Magic Tool Bus, Sour Cream (which almost won the non-tit contest.  I’m pretty sure Chip-n-failz made the “whichever name gets the most tits flashing” game on the spot), Wolf Bang Fuck, but for now and always, throughout the land of hashing (except those guys) Just Drew shall be known as TOSH POINT HOMO.

A macho mug was had, everybody was happy and the hash went to get a piece.

On-oh look!  poison ivy again–on

Colliteral Damage

EWH3 Scribe