Hash Trash EWH3 #721: The Creepin’ on College Kids Trail, College Park Metro

Where: College Park Metro (Green/Yellow Rush Plus Line)

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, July 19th, 2012. Pack away at 7:15.  (threats were made re starting on time.  I think we did pretty well)

Hares: Motor Mouth, Please Step Away (from the Whoooooores), Survial of the Spittest, Don’t Ask Don’t Smell 

On on on:

Looney’s Pub
8150 Baltimore Ave
College Park, MD 20740
(*note that in College Park at that time of night, you really can’t get a cab.  metro b*tches, metro).

We circled up in a parking lot.  Again.  But really, where else are you going to stick dozens of wankers?  Plan B was somewhere.  Being awesome and full of Dr. Pepper and cola and anything you want to keep cool.  I don’t actually remember, but I am confident that it was hot, humid and about to be a sh*tty trail.

Virgins!  A’plenty!  Our virgins were Just Rob, Annie, Matt, Katie, Carrie, Sarah, Liz, Viki, Jane, Diana, Jeff and Matt

Visitors – non pudjam only!  Just Julie (I know, I was surprised too), and Cock Ring (who I think is actually a transplant?).

Then we ran.  We ran a lot.  In the heat.  There may have been some getting lost in there.  Sweet Tea Check was delicious and too short, but we enjoyed it!

We ended in a parking lot (which, apparently you really shouldn’t park in, as some unlucky few were to find out – see below), and commenced to having more of the Sweet Tea from our sweet Plan B.  Circle up you Wankers!!  We found out if the virgins were boring or useful, heard some songs and jokes from our visitors.   Jubilee did his thing for people who need to get a life, get a life, get a life life life.  Then there were


  • Mercy F*ck was violated for shaking RPI’s head like a shake-weight… and not finishing the deed
  • Skybox couldn’t figure out how to erect her poles while camping recently – so, this was really more a call for volunteers
  • Tragic had tech on trail and scared a muggle.  We’ve talked about this, but basically, it’s just going to keep happening
  • Motor had his car towed… despite being a hare and PICKING THE END
  • ZZ was violated for being so desperate to have plastic in his mouth, but failing to ask Bobbin for ButtPlugs to help
  • Virgin Queen drew a cumming elephant in chalk… and then proceeded to suck on the chalk, hoping for a reenactment
  • the Hares (the hares!) were violated for crossing what seemed like the Rio Grande with all these minorities
  • Immanual Cunt was wearing his girlfriend’s shorts… and that’s all I can read from my notes.  Something funny.  Go.

At that point we turned to violations from the crowd, proceeded to drink ALL THE DELIGHTFUL ARNOLD PALMERS (someone’s getting that reddit joke) and finally managed to get to the glorious….


I’m not sure what to put here, because for the first time since I became scribe, we had to throw the poor sod back.  Not really his fault – the crowd wasn’t asking terribly good questions, and his answers didn’t get a chance to flourish.  So, Just Aru – you are still a Just, but you’re a hasher thru and thru anyhow.  Do more of your voice imitations next time.  We’re dumb and easily amused, so softball it.  While I’m here though – he went to Hopkins, likes shitty spaghetti (honestly – that’s what’s in my notes.  Not sure what it means), and I think is into soccer, because there were a number of soccer names.

A macho mug was NOT had, but nonetheless everybody was happy and the hash went to get a piece.  Well, some of you wankers did.  You know who you are.

On–excuse me while I wash the river gross out of EVERYTHING –on

Colliteral Damage

EWH3 Scribe