Where: Gallery Place/Chinatown Metro (Red/Green/Yellow Line) Follow marks to the start.
When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, August 2nd, 2012. Pack away at 7:15.
Hares: Snatch Shot, RPI, Dial F, Bareback, Wife Guard, Aunt Vagina’s Maple Syrup

On on on:

IRON HORSE TAPROOM
507 Seventh Street NW
Washington, DC 20004

We circled up across from the Portrait Gallery – MUCH to the amusement of the tourists.  We had ‘razzi Wankers!!  Plan B was actually right, right, right there.  Sign-in was LONG – we had a sh*t ton (that’s metric) of hashers out – I blame Nittany a little bit.  Headed to by the Trashers!

Virgins!  A’plenty!  Again! Our virgins were Just Melody, Rick, Carla, Timmy, Dan, Peter, Dustin, Erick, Jesus (he saves!), Daniel, Mike, Lauren , Jackie (pay attention to her name later), Emily and Scott.

Visitors – non pudjam only (and for today, non-Trash)!  Foot Fetish, Dammit and Cods (they were Australian and I didn’t really hear, so this may not be right), and Diamond in the Muff.

Then we ran! Over hill and parking deck and… short-cut where we could… across the mall, back across the mall.  No shiggy, some sights, and plenty of tourist dodging.  Jazz Hands for Jesus people (no, Virgin Jesus, not you).

We ended in the parking deck we often use, which is a great deck with the exception of no tree-age for the ladies to use.  Oh well.  Just… Mary? was our beverage lady (yes, I’m going to start trying to include that).   Jubilee did his thing for people who need to get a life, get a life, get a life life life.  Including Aunt Vagina who FINALLY got her shorts (she got lost once, then they missed each other by some weeks) and promptly put them on her head.  Like the progenitor to her name.  I heart her.  Then there were

VIOLATIONS!

  • Planet of the Rapes lost his pants on trail… or was it that
  • Tongue Punch my Fart (not fire as it turns out) Box pantsed Planet of the Rapes, but then didn’t follow through!?
  • Just Dustin was violated for inappropriate hash behavior, declaring that next time he would “practice, stretch and NOT drink three beers!”
  • Ballzheimers got lost on trail, ended up DFL on walker’s and THEN, catching sight of CockSoup, sprinted ahead to race him in for FRB.  #cocksoup problems
  • Just Jake was so distracted by his reflection that he tripped face first over a traffic cone.  Dude, if you’re going to do that, be looking at someone’s ass.
  • Choke and Gag-her was violated for sh*tting himself on trail and then telling ME, yes – the scribe – about it.
  • Herme was violated for having a dog try to lick his ballz.  This deteriorated into a Trasher run show for a few minutes, so I’m assuming this is normal behavior in the NC??
  • Just Jackie was violated for having a three-way: tech on trail, r*cist shirt, and new shoes.  Which she disputed.  Will they never learn?  Just drink – it’s going to happen anyway.  No one has ever won that test.
  • Swollen Goods and Freudian Slip were called into circle, and covered with flour and beer for their violation – leaving us!!  Lame.

At that point we turned to violations from the crowd, proceeded to drink ALL THE DELIGHTFUL VIRGIN DAQUIERIES (seriously? spell check wants me to make that patisseries – wtf?) and finally managed to get to the glorious….

NAMING!

We named my friend Just Bryan!  Yay!  Just Bryan is from the Jerz, is an IP lawyer, like long walks on the beach in the moonlight while girls rub his noggin.  Ok, I made that last part up.  But he did tell the story (an abbreviated version) of how he once banged a girl in a wheelchair.  He was on a date with someone else, btw, dropped her off and then went back for the wheel-ing.  Anyhow – his name options were Power of Cock Compels You, Short Bus Ridetter, Spooge McF*ck (good one that!), Frown Syndrome, but in the end – for now and always, throughout the land of hashing (except those guys), Just Bryan will be known as KNEELS FOR WHEELS (*tear, so proud!)

A macho mug was NOT had bc we very seriously ran out.  Ran out hard. (Thank you Bru Cru!! ) Everybody was happy nonetheless and the hash went to get a piece.

On–discount ninja training camp! –on

Colliteral Damage

EWH3 Scribe