Hash Trash: EWH3 #729: The Third Anal Anything But Clothes Trail!

Where: Foggy Bottom/GWU Metro (Blue/Orange Line)

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, September 13, 2012, Pack Away at whenever we stop being all chatty and excited about our costumes.

Hares: Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Preparation Ohhh, Stank Pussy, Just Amber, and Dr. TooLittle

On on on:

Chadwick’s on K St. NW,

We circled up in Washington Circle – extra near a hospital, so as to hopefully entertain the sickuns.  Plan B did NOT park in the ER’s driveway, which is awesome.  But it was still pretty darn close.

Virgins!  A’plenty!  Again! And some even dressed up! Our virgins were Craig, Miguel, EJ, Ben, Mike, Connor, Shamus (pretty sure he was the one with DIB), Leo, Brena, Doug, Crystal, Tracy, Katherine, Amada, Missy, Carrie, Stefi, Genie, Meagan, Mari, Sarah, another Megan, Irina, Michelle, Danielle and Brittany.

Visitors – non pudjam only Young & Bushless, Shriveled in London and Pickie No Dickie (those last two are actually transplants I think)

Then we ran! Some of us ran in saran wrap.  Which isn’t easy.  In case you were wondering.  Wank was loud on trail from all the solo cups on him, RPI was covered in sticky candy residue (oh wait…), but trail itself was pretty nice – oh no it wasn’t.  It was a sh**ty trail like usual, made worse because we got super lost and then couldn’t get back on trail bc we couldn’t hear each other bc SOMEBODY had their muzak on.  It’s ok.  She got violated.  BN was in an odd little lane, and as always over too soon.  I did walker’s trail second half (remember the saran wrap issue?) and we still got lost.

We ended in  Georgetown by the water.  SURPRISE!!  It was made extra amusing by (a) circle facing a weird direction and (b) lots of people wanting to get their cars out of there.  One of whom had a beer with us first.  The driver, not the car.  Don’t be weird.  Anyhow, virgins in and out of the circle, visitors in and out (I always miss what they do bc this is one of the few chances I have to go get beer).  Jubilee was… not around I don’t think.   Then there were


  • Just Amber had new shoes!  Well, maybe not.  But they didn’t float, and that’s what I heard.  Police yourselves if you’re tired of that violation.
  • Just Olivia for the MUZAK.  Enough said.
  • Just Lanire was violated for loving Pinoccihoe’s equipment just a little too gratuitously.  and graphically.
  • RPI was violated for having candy-colored skidmarks all over her tighty whiteys.
  • Muff the Magic Dragon got lost on her OWN TRAIL
  • RPI was violated (again) for saying he was one step away from becoming SWAB, upon being told he looked like a rape van
  • SWAB, in turn, was violated for wearing footie PJs

At that point we turned to violations from the crowd, proceeded to drink ALL THE DELIGHTFUL SPRITE and finally managed to get to the glorious….


We named Just Amber, who – by the way is really into a variety of sex things.  Good for her.  Chip is soooo pissed he missed this naming.  In her time, Just Amber has gotten a d*ck stuck in her braces, had to try 3x to lose her virginity (too big, too limp, juuuust right); had a 7 way (which is her plus 3 couples), and I’m pretty sure she said she got some busy on the metro??  Anyhow, her options were pretty good – MetalHead, Cocktoberthirtyfists, Hi-Hoe, Fat Guy in a Little Coat (me!  I said that!), but in the end – for now and always, throughout the land of hashing (except those guys), Just Amber will be known as EXCUSE ME, IS THAT YOUR BAG.

A macho mug was NOT had, but we still had some WATER to finish up. Thank you Bru Cru!!  Everybody was happy nonetheless and the hash went to get a piece.  Well, RPI went to kidnap an unsuspecting woman (??) apparently, but the rest of us just wanted to get a piece.  Oh and THANK YOU to the Just that cut me out of the Saran Wrap.  Why were you sober, btw?


Colliteral Damage

EWH3 Scribe