Hash Trash: EWH3 #750: Red White and Booze trail!

On On On: Millie and Al’s

Global warming my b*lls!  The Red White and Booze trail had to be the coldest/first trail Ive ever officially scribed. We circled at the corner of Connecticut ave and Calvert st N W a whole tenth of a mile south of the Woodley Park-Zoo metro stop. The creepy rape van Plan B was surprisingly so close to start you could spit ice cubes at it, no seriously it was that cold your spit would freeze. So cold the hair in your nose would freeze together when you inhale through it, Im not saying me but you know if you had an issue like that you may want to pick up some clippers some time. Just saying….

Now its true on cold nights such as this one you tend to get the true diehards of hashing. Only the toughest and truest(or dumbest) of hashers come out on nights like these, its even more rare that we get virgins on a night like this but we did. Just Catherine and Cleo proved they are poor decision makers deciding to begin hashing on the coldest hashing day of the year so far, hopefully their poor decisions continued at the on-on-on. If there were any hashers visiting the DC metro area that night they were smart enough not to make their presence known. After a short song about a guy who pushes buttons with his tongue the pack was off.

We ended our “run” in every hashers favorite kickball field off 18th st Daisychian began circle calling out the hares with Just Christine handing out the violation beverages. In honor of Tragic Carpet Rides 69th run the jubilee had the great honor of presenting him with his EWH3 shorts. Tragic not one for double bagging, horrified the crowd of hasher(which is hard to do) with his “presence” in a different way than usual, and earned the song “Its a small d#ck after all”   The large man then replaced his pants as accurately as he could.

Of course when you start violations Tragic Carpet Ride  doesnt get too far.

• Tragic seems to be pushing the boundries of his sexual preferences as of late so keep your pets on a short leash, Tragic was heard on trail saying after seeing the one dog on trail “If I was a dog, I’d b*ng that dog,  Ohhhh Yeeeahh” PETA and the ASPCA have been notified.

• Up my Butt with a Fire Truck didnt want to say that he is old enough to know what a Betamax  tape is(ask your mom shes old too) but he does know what anal beads are for. He also claims that hes never owned either  Sure.. sure… we arent here to judge.
• Just Christine was violated for saying “I dont recognize all these people with their clothes on”  Not because she a whore, just because you know ummm….
• The nights RA DaisyChain  was violated for asking the scribe to stretch out violations so she could “pee behind one of the pillars”

 Violations were then turned over to the crowd, Just Christine was again violated for here serious interest in a drug that opens up the back door for date night if you know what I mean, but she swears only gay men use, it not christine of course *wink* *wink*. Yule log violated me Little thunder Clap for overly apologizing for the brevity of my violations(did I say it was cold), saying it sounded a bit to rehearsed. All I can say Yule is ask your mother she may have heard a similar apology from me. Many more violations followed and many beverages were consumed. Until the solemn occasion of a..

NAMING!!

On this night the lucky and soon to be hypothermic soul was just Ioana.  Ioana was a communist living in Moldova at an early age later moved to Romania to be a Russian spy disguised as a gypsy. She later decided to move to the US after hearing they had cheerleaders. In the US shes lived in Michigan, Ohio, New Jersey (that explains the smell) and now the District. She earns or at least embezzles enough money to go hashing at a real people job lawyering for a federal trade something or other. Its fun Im sure, and I’d bet she has a sweet pocket protector. The only important story had the crowd drooling and wondering where to buy there Redskins cheerleader calenders. Apparently this girl has enough game to put the average pick up artist to shame. Not only did she manage to manage to seduce a girl at a bar, convince this young lady to take home, but also convinced this woman to let her have her way with her Fiance AT THE SAME TIME!!  Only to find out later in the evening that the woman was a redskins cheerleader pinup. This story produced the only name worthy of this hasher now know as RG3SOME!!!

Everyone was happy, I with my frozen fingers and note pad made my way to the ONONON. Thats all for now.

ON- I still cant feel my fingers -ONLittle Thunder ClapEWH3 Scribe