Hash Trash: EWH3 #751: Oopsie Poopsie Trail!
When: 6:45 PM – January 31, 2013
Hares: A gaggle of seasoned hashers: Big Bang, Wax On Whacks Off, Monday Sticky Monday and maybe PIO.
It was colder than a witch’s tit for the 751th running of the Everyday is Wednesday Hash House Harriers. With the Harerazer’s (someone was too busy surfing porn to check the weather) promise of warm balmy 60 degree temperatures we donned our best shorts (only wimps wear pants right General?) and kicked the homeless people (out of Farragut Square) for our hashing pleasure. While waiting for circle to start, our very own Kindergarten Cock (angling for a threesome) swung by with flowers for newly named RG3some (acceptable hash behavior).
It should have been too cold for virgins but Just Brian only cums with virgins so we ended up with Justs: Jennifer, Nate, Marjorie, Smita, Torrest, Victoria and Peter along for the ride. Oh and some hasher named Animal was there from Tokyo too. We sang a song about Joe (not you Planet of the Rapes) and were off…
Despite the mysterious smiley face mark at the beginning of trail the hares laid a very dangerous, dangerous trail. Red Vag was certain she knew her way around dark alleys but was violated for forgetting about the other hole. Safety was definitely 3rd, 4th or even 5th on this trail. One hundred hashers braved the chilly temps but sadly after many, many dangerous road crossing maybe only say….. fifty hashers made it to end circle. Our favorite former jubilee Yule Log won the Frogger Award for having the distinction of being the only hasher to get hit by a bicyclist!
Beverages were drunk, trail was ran, holes were made (for cars) and our lovely lady Cocky led a mean circle, and then we came to…..
Violations (for those not already mentioned):
- Just Laura was violated for exercising her American right to get hit by a car. However, in a true un-American fashion she ignored circle and left before the naming (you could have been named silly). All we have is our fleeting memories of your tacky American Flag winter beanie. Luckily our trusty Tragic Carpet Ride was kind enough to offer himself as a stunt Just Laura (we like you better anyway Tragic).
- Wife Guard was fully prepared for trail in her fabulous camouflage running tights. She was kind enough to take her pants off during circle so we could see all the big sticks pointing directly at her crotch. We always like it when people take their pants off during circle.
- And not to be outdone by Wife Guard, There is a Clap for That took his pants off at circle so he could show us why he won the “Best Booties Shorts on Trail,” award for the evening.
- We also learned that Fire Drill takes her new role as HashFlash so seriously she stores her extra camera batteries in her ass.
- Dads was invited to drink the circle for forgetting who was in charge in his new marriage. After handing his lovely wife, Uno, the walkers’ map and then promptly walking in the wrong direction.
It is a good thing Just Laura bailed on the naming because we got to name the very worthy Just Jonathan the cute sailor from Miami and Panama, who loves Shrek and who told some wicked good naming stories. He lost his virginity at 12 to a sexy 22 year old school teacher he vaguely promised a green card. He pulled the hair of a Dominican Republican hottie that got a little too teethy while giving him a BJ. He sh*t his pants while doing the bear crawl. He once hooked up with his girlfriend’s MILFy 46-year-old mom. This guy is awesome! We had a handful of decent naming options but it was really freakin’ cold so we got to the naming rather quickly. For now and always, throughout the land of hashing (except those guys), Just Jonathan will be known as Huevos Snatcheros.
I have a feeling we only scratched the surface on Huevos Snatcheros’s good stories so buy him a drink next time you see him out (preferably a shot of tequila)!
Then we went On to the On-After – The Exchange. Beverages were had, I Want it That Way was sung and everybody was happy.
On-Backstreet Boys Forever-On
Excuse me, is that your bag? (EMITYB)