Hash Trash: EWH3 #757, 758, 759: WIEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Where: Ocean City, Maryland
There was sand, beach, trails, bars, beverages, pong, a giant blow up banana, Seacrets and so much more!
First, a very special thank you to all of the hard work that went into making WIE weekend awesome.
Our outstanding WIE Committee: Haystack, St. Paulie’s Girl, Snatch Shot, Mr. hEd, Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Bless Me Father for I Have Rimmed, DADS, Whiskey Business and Colliteral Damage.
#357, Friday Hares: I’m Tho Thor, She Has Small Hands, and Bobbin for Butt Plugs
#358, Saturday Hares: Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Mr. hEd, Wreath Around, and Cock Soup
#359, Saturday Night Hares: St. Paulie’s Girl, WoWo, and Snatch Shot
A Special thank you to the Brilliant WIE Founders: Wax On Whacks Off (WoWo), Big Bang, and Assflac
Most of what happens at WIE stays at WIE except for a few of the lowlights.
We were lucky enough to have ONE very special virgin on trail Just Deanna was brave enough to put up with us for three crazy days. Thank you Tongue Punch My Fart Box for bringing her and I bet she wasn’t a virgin by the end of the weekend.
Our lone visitor was Uncle Bad Touch from the Ben Franklin Mob, who was insane enough to join in the WIE fun.
There were many trails and much Shenanigans, and a 3 hour long bonfire circle led by the RA tagteam: Whiskey Business, Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, and WoWo. So without further ado your violations for the weekend were (in no particular order):
- Colliteral Damage was violated for thinking that DADS would be the sober enough to deal with Flash violations.
- DADS was violated for using a power cord as a bondage restraint (acceptable hash behavior?)
- Big Bang was violated for making a hole in Carmen Sandiegho’s jeans with his wood on trail!
- Dial F was violated for his pretty hair but he was buried in the sand so RG3some was kind enough to step in as a stunt Dial F.
- Benadrill Me was violated for giving herself a chest massage and masterbating on trail (also acceptable hash behavior).
- Cum On My Buddy and Huevos Snatcheros were violated for their lack of creativity when trying to get laid. When they first got to WIE they promptly locked themselves out of their room hoping to spend the night with a lovely harriette. Hint: alcohol works better!
- Wank Like An Egyptian was violated for advertising himself as the “Champagne of Men” complete with a sticker on his head (which head?).
- Tragic Carpet Ride was violated for touting the anti-aging properties of semen. This piece of wisdom came from a Nip/Tuck episode and we all know how everything we learn on tv is true.
- The Friday night hares: I’m Tho Thor, She Has Small Hands, and Bobbin for Butt Plugs were violated for hiding the shot check so well it was a Seacret!
- Going Gay with Person A thought that Saturday night at WIE was a good time to write a paper on, “Preparedness.” Yeah, right….. studying at WIE???
- St. Pauli’s Girl was violated for whoring himself out for BJs (wait, aren’t those free?)
- Kindergarten Cock was violated for wearing a shirt to circle (we can’t hear you with your shirt on!). And Carmen Sandiegho was violated for threatening to rip off a shirtless KC’s star shaped pasties he was wearing the previous evening. Legs Over Easy was also violated for wearing matching star pasties.
- Asia Minor was violated for leaving Aunt Vagina’s Maple Syrup’s room but using the wrong door and proceeding to fall from a height of three stories. For his trouble Asia Minor won a trip to the hospital and 14 stitches (insert applause)!
- Cum on My Buddy went home with the blow up banana even though he couldn’t find the hole.
- Colliteral Damage and Aunt Vagina were violated for failing to respond to their hash names or their muggle names. However, when SLUTS was yelled they both turned around promptly (Insert Snatch Shot’s awesome t-shirt here).
- Tragic Carpet Ride drank a half gallon of milk on walkers trail Saturday morning to help calm his stomach. Tragic defending this tactic by claiming that milk is, “creamy and hydrating.” Yes Tragic your Milk Shake does bring all the boys to the yard (oh, yeah).
- Yule Log convinced people to do crazy stuff on trail then ran off in the other direction so he wouldn’t have to do it.
- Snatch Shot was violated for failing to get all the hash SLUTs special shirts during her mid-trail shopping trip.
- Humpty Humpty Homo wore short shiny shorts to circle. We violated him for morphing himself into Digital Underground. From here on out let’s all call him Sparkle Pants!
- Pulp Friction was violated for Kung-Foo-Fighting.
Select violations from the Crowd:
- Yule Log was violated for breaking his Rear End Loader award promptly after receiving it (if you don’t know what that is come to WIE next year). Humpty Humpty Homo (aka Sparkle Pants) was violated for building said award (use more duck tape next time).
- Tragic Carpet Ride was violated for wearing a very creepy bank robbing/child molesting mask; rubbing a woman’s “sternum;” and his Teddy Bear gloves.
- Uncle Bad Touch was violated for his “allergy to alcohol.” Seriously if you drink enough of anything you become “allergic” to it (right Cock Soup?).
- Osama Bin Hashing lived up to his name by jumping out of the bushes frightening Snatch Shot on trail.
- The Hares were violated for choosing a beer check bar with fans above the bar. This made dancing on the bar a very dangerous activity for the Harrietts (no beheading our hot ladies!).
A few select folks got the very special honor of being named at WIE.
Our first victim was Just Matthew, a Cornell grad, who (we learned VERY quickly) LOVES Joe Kelly like there is no tomorrow. Seriously Joe, check for webcams outside your apartment! Just Matthew had a fun liaison with a sex columnist, had a long and involved teabagging conversation with an elderly female elected official (she was his boss!), and has spent more than his fair share of time in emergency rooms dealing with bloody diarrhea. Just Matthew also plays a mean game of strip-beer-bong, streaks in his boxers (what are you hiding?), and enjoyed pooping in a bag at Preparation O’s house. There were some excellent naming options: WIE Willy Stinky, Pookaki, Kung-Poo-Fighting, and My Father Shart in Heaven. However the hash just couldn’t get the image of bloody diarrhea out of their heads so henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except those guys – F them) Just Matthew will be known as Crammer v. Crammer.
The next naming was very, very special. Just Patricia, the very noble and kind WIE hotel host, was invited to kneel in our circle (of trust). She moved to Ocean City when she was 18 and has lived here for 30 years now; has reached the ripe old age of 25; and has been running our host hotel for 13 years. This woman is a SAINT! Just Patricia has a special thing in her “heart” for men named Jim, as we learned that the first four guys she slept with were all named “Jim.” Just Patricia’s favorite Disney movie is Up and her favorite regular movie is What About Bob. We had some fun naming ideas for Just Patricia: 3 Jims Don’t Make a Right; Snatch Into a Slim Jim, and Putting on the Slitz. Given all she has seen running the hotel, henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except those guys – F them) Just Patricia will be known as Boardwalk Madame.
Our next naming victim was Just Kimberly or Mrs. Cutting Class. Just Kimberly is a graduate of Harvard and Columbia; grew up in Puerto Rico; and met Mr. Cutting Class at a Harvard party (are you required to wear a coat and tie to those?). She loves the missionary position and her worst hangover involved a lot of beer and champagne (doesn’t everyone’s). Just Kimberly once had to jump out 10 feet out of a public restroom on Nantucket Beach after getting caught in the throes of passion. We had some good proposed names for Just Kimberly: Como Si Dice Cock?; Les’ Side Story; Harvard Slam Poon; Hang 10; and Ivy League Drop Out. We just couldn’t get the quality education out of our heads (which head) so henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except those guys – F them) Just Kimberly shall be known as Good Will Cunting.
***Then next something very unexpected happened….. ah, excuse me while I turn my scribe pen over to a Stunt Scribe S&Mom:
And then it was time for a very special, and quite rare, occasion: A RE-naming!
Excuse Me, Is That Your Bag? told us so many good stories when she was originally named, but she ended up with a name that was a bit clunky. Although, watching her walk up to a Just and introduce herself, only to have the Just look down at his backpack and say “Yes, that’s my bag”, never gets old. EMITYB ripped off her shirt, grabbed a vessel full of whisky, and settled in to wow the crowd with her tales of debauchery. After reminding us of her fondness for orgies and f*cking on the Metro, EMITYB regaled us with stories of black cocks. Some that belonged to others, some that she was wearing. We also found out, to no one’s surprise, that a nurse had recently discovered glitter deep down in EMITYB’s ear. The circle could only assume that her OBGYN was going to make a similar discovery.
The circle came up with a lot of really good name suggestions such as Double Penn & Station; Whore Prize; and Defense of the Dark Arse, but finally decided to go with Tragic who, in light of EMITYB’s love of group sex and having glitter all over her naughty parts, gave us Glitty Clitty Gang Bang.
***Okay turning the scribe pen back over now…. back to your regularly scheduled scribe:
Marshmallows were roasted, songs were sung and everybody was happy. Then more WIE Shenanigans were had and Seacrets were made.
Thank you again to all the folks who make the weekend awesome. Cheers to an absolute blast at the beach!!!
Glitty Clitty Gang Bang