Hash Trash: EWH3 #761: The St. Patrick’s Day Abomination Trail!
Where: Eastern Market Metro
When: March 14, 2013
Hares: Compost Pile, Poop Been-a-Dick, Dr. TooLittle, Cocktologist, Fire Drill and St. Pauli’s Girl.
All of our GREEN clothing confused the muggles but what can we say us hashers are early adopters. It was still bright and semi-sunny when we circled up (yay daylight savings time) so we could all admire the SO much green. Our lovely GM Colliteral Damage was our trustee head leprechaun for the evening and lucky for you we had so many virgins to help us find gold at the end of the night or rainb(l)ow.
Our Virgins were Justs: Stephanie, Mark, Sean, Charles, Felipe, Jacob, Sami, Casey, Molly, Alexandra, and Ben.
Just James from the Seattle Rain City Hash House Harriers also joined us. Those Seattle wankers need to get around to naming this guy! They are lucky we didn’t name him Seattle Sucks.
We sang to our virgins, we sang to our visitor and we sang about our second favorite guy named Joe and we were off. As promised the trail was short, dog-friendly and drunk. The hares were gracious enough to provide the pack with three shot checks (we needed to train our livers for St. Patrick’s Day)… although some shots were better than others (strange pudding gelatin anyone?).
Post trail we met up with our favorite white van (Plan B for everyone) and enjoyed beverages thanks to Jag Queen and Corndog Millionaire. Our head Shamrock pusher Cock-a-Doodle-Do Me was the RA for the evening and our visitor, Just James, showed us his lucky charm. Then we moved onto violations:
• Motor Mouth loudly (is there any other way) proclaimed that it was not too cold. However, he was wearing four shirts. Upon hearing his violation he started removing layers….. Luckily he kept on his hash robe.
• Poop Been-a-Dick was concerned that the hares brought too much alcohol to trail. Not only did the hares run out of shots on trail – there is no such thing as too much of the right beverage for hashers!
• Mr. hEd was bragging on the facebook that she is an *Escort* for the Easter Egg Roll.
• Dr. TooMuchGreenHair got lost on her own trail while she was holding the map. #harefail
• Pulp Friction complained that he couldn’t get the second shot into his mouth (whatever happen to all over your face?).
• Mr. hEd shared that she wanted to *plow* all of the people (basically half the pack) who ran into traffic. Acceptable hash behavior? (the plowing not the running into traffic).
• Just James announced that he didn’t want to get *that* drunk on trail. (You know you are at a hash, right?)
• The Man in the Giant Leprechaun hat not only invited the men with big guns to come run with us… you complained that your hat was so tight that you could barely think. I’m sure your *hat* is the problem. ☺
• BFFs Choke and Gag Her and One-if-by-Man and Two-if-by-She called each other the day before hash to be sure to wear their matching green tutus to hash. Because OMG green tutus are *so* cute (no I’m not joking…and also I heart glitter).
• Benin Pulled-Out was trying to hit on the men with big guns. Remember size isn’t *everything!*
• The Hares were violated for that Carbomination of an Irish Car Bomb shot.
There were violations from the crowd and then we had a *very* special occasion….. (you guessed it kids) a NAMING! Just Dan went to Penn state, likes lil’ kids, works at Capital One bank, loves Toy Story and would like to bang Louis Griffin. He once shart his pants on the way home from WIE and has been known to pee in a Gatorade bottle or two. Just Dan once had a girlfriend that made him a wonderful pillow as a token of her affections (hold that thought). And speaking of urination…. after a fun night of partying and drunken sex he woke up and blackout peed on said homemade pillow in front of his horrified girlfriend. Just Dan had no memory of the pee pillow incident but a few hours later he woke up to the crying laments of his girlfriend. So henceforth and fore-evermore throughout the world of hashing (except those guys) Just Dan will be known as Rape and Spillage.
Everyone was happy and we dance and jigged all the way to Molly Malone’s where they embraced our premature celebration of drinking and the color green. Also there were car-bomb shots and tequila shots. And a good weekend warm-up was had by all.
Glitty Clitty Gang Bang