Hash Trash

Where: Woodley Park-Zoo/AdMo Metro

When: March 28, 2013

Hares: Grinding Nemo, Pebbles for Pussy, French Toasted, G.T.O., Vagina Repellent, Bad Dog

It was another nice *warm* evening for hashing. We braved the cold and the crowds of tourists for a night of running Lost in the Woods (which incidentally was the name of the first porn movie I ever watched). We circled up on the edge of Woodley Park with some fresh meat…. Uh I mean virgins/Justs:

Bryan, Steven and Stephen (which one of you goes by Stevo-O and do you show everyone your O-face?), Danielle, Josh, Carter, and Christine.

We also had a visitor Straight in the Navy. We can’t remember where you are from (I think Ithaca) so come back and tell us next time.

We sang about our second favorite button factory and were off to explore the forest. We ran through hill and dell and managed to spend many miles deep in the forests (including the DC panda’s secret stash of bamboo). The Shiggy was plentiful but the marks were not and so many virgins were Lost in the Woods. Sadly we did not come upon any young women skinny dipping in the forest (I’m sure the hares were saving that for summer hashing) and there were no hot Park Rangers to *save* us (oh wait that was the porno again). S&Mom was the Moses of the hash and helped the lost mini-pack back to the promise land (and by promise land I mean creepy back alley in DC with our favorite beverage and orange food). Also S&Mom  updated the named hasher run counts online so he is everyone’s Moses right now.

Dude, That Guy and You Sucked my Battle Dick were our beverage crew for the night – thanks guys! Moving on to violations:

  • The Hares oh wait almost all the hares ran away to avoid being violated in circle (doesn’t everyone like being violated… we give you beer for your trouble). Bad Dog was the only hare to stick around despite being recruited to help at 3:00 pm that day. He joined you all last minute and you repay him by bailing. So. Not. Cool. Buy Bad Dog a beer next time you see him for taking one (and sitting on all the ice) for the team.
  • We violated Pulp Friction for sharing that he blew an RA. Sadly he refused to tell us which RA!
  • Humpty Humpty Homo declared that pants are not necessary (Acceptable hash behavior? However, can we wait until it is a bit warmer outside?)
  • Cocktologist was violated for being such a big Ohio State fan that she wore an Ohio fleece, scarf and gloves to trail. And as an added bonus she wore bright red Ohio lipstick to trail too! How is your bracket doing Cocktologist?
  • Just Christine wanted us all to know about forgetting her *safe word* during that spanking incident so she wore super short shorts to trail so we could all see the massive bruise just below her left buttocks. Thanks for sharing!
  • Frank Lloyd Bite was violated for trying to out-zen the Zen-ner.
  • While wearing his favorite racist MCM jacket Brown Eye for the Gay Guy tried to pour beer into his cup while his cup was upside down. He may be the world’s only hasher who is more coordinated drunk than sober. We’ll miss you Brown Eye – safe travels!
  • Dr. Toolittle only hashes for the art as she was gushing about how beautiful the true trail markings were. Um yeah – we want some of what you were drinking!
  • Just Stevo (and were not quite sure which Stephen/Steven you are but we think we like you) came running into Beer Check and yelled, “This is just like Viet Nam.” Trust us hashing is not at all like Viet Nam!
  • Our visitor Straight in the Navy was from Ithaca and was talking trash about “city hashing” before trail. However, he managed to get lost in the woods on our urban shiggy trail (before beer check and the trail got wonky).

There were violations from the crowd that included Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock misusing Gay Panda Terminology and Going Gay with Person A wearing see through yoga pants (thanks for proving it).

Next up we had a very special occasion….. A NAMING! Just Quynh studied at the University of Virginia/Vagina, has a thing for Homer on the Simpsons, and lost her virginity at the ripe old age of 23. She is also a root canal specialist, has an affinity for colonoscopies, and once saw a porno with a really big cock (isn’t that every porno ever made?). We tried very hard to drag good stories out of Just Quynh but either she not telling or needs to spend more time hashing because we just weren’t getting much. We kept going back to the poop stories and her dentist profession. We ended up with some good naming options: Dental Damn, Ahhhhh, Rinse&Shit, and Drill and Fill. However, henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except those guys) Just Quynh will be known as Colon Bowel.

Then we were all happy and sang a song to bemoan the fact that we cannot hash with Jesus (to prepare for Easter). Next we all went in peace to Madhatter to decrease the Dupont douche factor of that very classy establishment. Everyone knows that tiny glasses of $1 light green beer just scream high class.

On-LostIntheWoodsPornRules-On,

Glitty Clitty Gang Bang

EWH3 Scribe