Hash Trash: EWH3# 775: The Bueller?  Bueller? Trail!

When: June 13, 2013.

Where: King Street-Old Town

HaresPinocchi-Ho, I’m Tho Thor, Pulp Friction, Mr. hEd, RG3some, and Rape & Spillage

There was a call for an epic, epic storm. Only the strong brave hashers who didn’t get washed away in the Anacostia made it out to trail tonight. The clouds threatened and the thunder… eh we never heard any thunder… actually it was a pretty nice weather. So if you skipped to trail to wait out the storm you missed a fun trail – suckas!

A handful of virgins (who didn’t know any better) made it out to trail. We were happy to have Justs: Nick, Jenna. Elise, Harrison and Emily with us to scare away the Derecho. Tomb Raper and Cock Chaser were visiting. Well hello there… I think you all are old-timers from EWH3 history. 🙂 And Pardon my Penis was a transplant – welcome! Also there was the unveiling of a new mark – the fishhook – more fun for the FRBs!!!

We sang about Joe and went out searching for hash marks. And a searching we did (Bueller? Bueller?) – most of the time was spent trying to distinguish between orange spray paint marks and orange flour marks – very suspect you tricky hares you! RG3some was a stubborn sweeper hare  who refusing to rescue the pack unless consequences were dire. The trail was confusing; we got lost but there were yummy shot checks; we ran through a creepy graveyard (RIP good souls); and we had a beer check (well most of us did – we are not sure what Haystack was doing).

We circled up a stone throw away from Old Town and eventually got to Violations:

  • Justs Kent, Jenna, Emily and Catherine all were wearing NEW SHOES on trail! Seriously did you all want to drink out of your shoes.? No new shoes on trail silly Justs!
  • Aunt Vagina is extra excited about all you can eat crabs (eww);
  • Hot Buns was wearing a racist shirt;
  • Daisy Chain forget her morning bourbon and wore her shorts inside out on trail (maybe they were inside out for another reason);
  • Empire Strikes Black called Hungry/Humpty Homo *Homo* while walking out of a bar bathroom (yeah there were other guys inside and it was awkward);
  • The Hares for making Roll Over Bitch wish he was on the metro train that caught first (and he would have subsequently missed trail);
  • Rape & Spillage for putting a hash mark on his crotch (is it that hard to find – really?);
  • Pinocchio wanted to fire two of his fellow hares mid trail;
  • Silver Spooge and Raiders of the Lost Box cuddled after their sex on trail (sex acceptable – cuddling not so much);
  • Cocktologist for demonstrated her swallowing skills by swallowing a bug on trail (there are better ways to demonstrate – trust me); and
  • Hungry/Humpty Homo tried to knock out Red, White and Poo to take her home with him (there are better ways to get her home – repeat after me…tequila shots, tequila shots, tequila shots).

Then we came to a very special occasion A NAMING. We tried to name Just Liz before but it didn’t work out… second time is the charm I guess. To remind you all…. Just Liz went to Northeastern and works in Real estate Development. She once got a fat lip from her boyfriend’s hip and everyone thought she had a different kind of sore. She used to give boring BJs because she didn’t know how to use her hands. She has never had a threesome but once her friends were arrested. Someone brought up midget porn but I don’t think that was Just Liz related. We had some fun names for Just Liz: Simple Gifts, Lock Box, and Cum Guzzling Gutter Slut. However, henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except those guys) Just Liz will be known as Loose Hips Bruise Lips.

Everyone was happy we survived the *storm* and we frolicked all the way to Rock It Grill where there were many libations, epic karaoke and a handful of dance-offs. Also I got in trouble for violating the one person per chair rule.

On-I’mNotAfraidOftheBigBadStorm-On,

Glitty Clitty Gang Bang 

EWH3 Scribe