HASH TRASH: EWH3 #784: The Oral Fixation 101 Trail

EWH3 #784 – We like what you do with your tongue trail 

When: August 15, 2013 – 6:45 pm

Where: Hipster Circle aka Dupont

Hares: Blow White, Miss Me Gag Me, ShimJob, and Steve (yes folks that is his hash name)

It was a lovely late summer August evening in DC. We circled up among the families picnicking (cover your ears kids), the kool kids blasting pop music and a classy harp player. I Manual Cunt starting his evening off right by picking up an old lady in a mobility scooter. Is there such a thing as too old to be a cougar? Also Tongue Punch my Fart Box doused his head in glitter because we all know glitter is so much better than Rogaine for Men. Welcome to Dupont circle. Have you met the hashers?

Our gorgeous GM C-Damage corralled us into a circle (not a square) so we could meet our dates….. eh I mean virgins Justs: Sarah; Kevin; Ben; Graham; Arif; Jon; Sam; Amy; Caroline; Patti; Loren; Victor; and Andrew. We had no visitors (tear) but I Manual Cunt was visiting from California (yay). Next we sang a song about our friend Joe who works in a button factory and we were off. We ran north through the slums of AdMo (stabbing at the Reef – seriously?) and into the wilderness of Rock Creek Park. There was a wet and juicy Eagle Trail and a short and dry Turkey Trail (like your Mom) and we climbed a big rock. We had a beverage check (thanks Shamrock and Premature Ejaculation), ran some more, and ended up next to our favorite G-Town boat rental establishment (hint he might be a necrapheliac) . 

Our freshly wedded RA, Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me, (Congrats) was the end circle master of ceremonies. Beverages were drunk; “song” were sung; and we got to (my favorite)…. violations (those not already mentioned):

  • Mr. hEd told a tale of woe about how at Beer Mile she had a lot of trouble drinking her beer. She just couldn’t swallow fast enough but then she thought of a penis and it went down much much easier. #ItUsuallyDoes
  • The Hares had way too many tit checks on trail (wait is this a thing?);
  • Assmaster 2000 brought two virgins to trail but failed to tell them his hash name #HasherFail. But he does like to make girls scream (how will they know what to call out when they are screaming? #UnacceptableHashBehavior);
  • Just Caroline and Just Patti were two adorable virgins (not anymore – still adorable just not virgins) who where just not able to part with their amazing, fabulous, wonderful iPhones for even a hot second so they brought them on trail #NoTechOnTrail;
  • Hell’s Anal had two really large sized “ones” last week but this week she is taking normal sized ones #GuysThisisYourChance #SizeDoesntMatter #MotionintheOcean;
  • Miss Me Gag Me had the prettiest pussy on trail #Evidence?;
  • Zero Shart Thirty had brand spanking new shoes on trail (everyone noticed) but he was afraid to be violated (chicken) and went to the bar early so Osama Bin Hashing was kind enough to stand in for the kid and he graciously drank the sweet nectar out of his not at all new hash shoes #HasherRespect;
  • Lock Cock and Two Smoking Nostrils confessed to the scribe at beverage check (there are no secrets when you are chatting with the scribe darlin) that she has one frequently erect nipple and one usually unerect nipple. Weird, right? But she was in good company because Mr. hEd is nipple erection challenge (both nips) and yours truly has perpetually erect nipples. #OneofEach

Then the strippers on the boat stopped by so we sang Cumbaya (that’s hash for Kumbaya) all the way to Chadwicks. Sometimes that happens kids.


Glitty Clitty Gang Bang

EWH3 Scribe