EWH3# 811: The Yeezus, Mary, and Joseph Trail!

When: Thursday, February 6, 2014
Where: Brookland-CUA Metro (Red Line)
Hares: Magic Johnson, Red White and Poo, Old Facefull, Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Hands Frank, Jew-Cock-A, Whiskey Business
Miscellaneous Crap: Live A to A’ trail.
Weather: Pretty chilly
On On On: San Antonio

Virgins: Just Kayla, Just Sarah, Just Reilly, Just Scott, Just Jen, and Just Christine
Visitors: Those wankers from WH4 hid with the virgins
Transplants: Glance Armstrong (Tidewater H3)

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; but mostly just the worst… Hares did a fair job laying trail, except for getting the half the pack (mostly the FRBs) royally lost.  They bitched and complained while the non-FRBs enjoyed a very long beer check.  Shortly after the FRBs arrived, the cops did  as well.  Apparently we were being a bit noisy in that abandoned part of town.  We managed to scare lots of Catholic kiddos into staying in school, and mostly staying inside with locked doors, while we ran and screamed around their campus.

The hares conveniently planned end circle at the same location as beer check, so due to our earlier noise violation EWH3 had a repeat performance of the WHISPER CIRCLE.  Speaking of VIOLATIONS:

– At the start of the circle, Twinkle, Twinkle Little Cock was quoted describing the trail as “Dark, mysterious and confusing, just like a confessional booth”.  We later came to learn that the personal experience he was attempting to describe was actually a random closet with a glory hole, that he had stumbled into when he was 12.

Zero Shart 30 was overheard asking Squirtle if he could run certain things on her. ZS30 apparently didn’t hear how she got the name “Squirtle”…

George Stuff an Octopus reported injuring his “rib” while dancing on a “pole” in the metro. From what we know about good ol George, we can translate “pole” into “penis” and “rib” into “butt”.

– The Hares had a brilliant idea to lay a true trail arrow leading straight into an all-girls college dormitory.  While their hearts were in the right place, just like a catholic girl herself, that shit was freakin LOCKED!

– Dressed as a cross between a gay Gandolf and and old Lord Voldemort, Dude, That Guy stood outside a Catholic U study hall screaming “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!…. CALCULUS!!”

–  While on trail, Just Kayla (a first-time virgin to EWH3) decided to skip all of the shot checks on trail, not realizing that this was actually the secret to getting laid on the CUA campus.

Just Kaye was overheard raving how the trail had left her “hot and wet’ this time.  She is clearly new to EWH3, otherwise that would have been heard “hot, wet, and still disappointed”.

St. Pauli’s Girl did his best on the trail to keep the pack together, even after a group of FRBs arrived with him at a shot check, he encouraged them to stay as a group. Like a true FRB, 5 seconds later, St. Pauli’s was heard screaming “On On!” 50 yards down the trail, leaving everyone else still at the check.

Dr. Too Little was forced to walk the last half of trail due to a sore tushy. It was advised that she and Hell’s Anal take the opportunity to do some shopping together.

Red, White and Poo, Motor Mouth and Dial F all celebrated hashy birthdays this week.  Like to typical old guy, refusing to acknowledge his age, Dial F insisted that he was celebrating the 19th analversary of his 21st birthday (that’s 40 for all you non-mathletes).

Naming: Just Kaye, virgin of 3rd Girl Problems participated in the solemn EWH3 naming tradition.  From what we could hear through the laughter and hysterical screaming, Just Kaye shared that she dances ballet (for now).  The biggest mess she ever made in her pants resulted from some bad camel she ate while in Egypt.  And the most cruel thing she ever did while earning a living as a Vegas dancer, was to force a gay man to marry her for health insurance, and NEVER gave him any play… womp womp. Poor guy.  Sadly enough, this was her second ex-husband.  The first was a failed arranged nuptial with an old Ruskie (go Sochi??).  With multiple fantastically horrible and amusing stories, Just Kaye was then christened Vladamir Fruitin’.

On- Amen –On

Kindergarten Cock