EWH3# 822: The Almost-Opening Day Spring Screw You Winter Trail!
When: Thursday, March 20, 2014
Where: Eastern Market Metro (Orange/Blue Line)
Hares: Tuck Tuck Deuce, Virgin Queen, Red Vag of Courage, Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, I’m Tho Thor, U asS asS Ow, There’s A Clap For That
Miscellaneous Crap: Live A to B trail
Weather: Cold, but not too cold.
On On On: Gordon Biersch
Virgins: Just Dave and Just Brooke
Transplant: Kyiv Suxxx from Dushanbe Bay H3 in Tajikistan
No cops throughout the trail. Giggity! What more needs to be said?? Now stupid stuff:
– Just Dave was ‘that guy’ and sported racest attire. Hurricane Kuntrina made a similar, but more pathetic racest attempt with a HS Track and Field jacket.
– Chip N’ Failz was escorted/pulled by two dogs throughout trail. A muggle appropriately called out “Yay! Homeless Santa!!”
– Dude, That Guy showed up late to the trail with Plan B. Can’t really complain though. You know what they say, better late than pregnant!
– Jew WIth the Dragon Tattoo exclaimed to SNMOM on trail “I feel small next to you”, to which SNMOM replied “I know…(long pause) It makes me feel powerful!” Sadly, his whips and chains collection does nothing to satisfy this urge.
– You Can’t Handle the Poop sadly missed a slow-motion fist bump thrown to him by R.O.B. We thought these were only ‘White Guy’ problems!?
– Rape and Spillage was overheard complaining about Daisy Chain’s vacation schedule, indicating that this was “going to be a sore spot in their relationship”. Arguably this is still way better than the itchy spots he was complaining about the week before.
– Eat Your Vegetables decided to Klass it up this night, by wearing a suit to hash. But somehow he ended up in an alley with a bunch of drunk people standing in a circle, yelling. He still wasn’t sure if he had in fact gone to hash, or a homeless fight.
Naming: Just A.K.
Apparently she’s a smarty pants, from V-Tech and works for some Aerospace thingy. Yet, she pees her pants in the woods and has a tendency for going Hulk and breaking beds, while wearing handcuffs. By far, her claim to life was the meanest thing she had ever done to a poor, male, latin-sounding (literal) virgin, in his own house. When indicating that he was never, as it was about to be his first time, she started a timer and gave him 10 seconds to start eh show. Understandably cracking under pressure, he could not, and she simply walked out… thus earning her the well-deserved title of Va-gi-nal Count Dooooown! (You have to sing it)
On – I’m cuming, I swear – On!