EWH3# 824: The Dress Like a Hasher Trail!
When: Thursday, April 3, 2014
Where: Rosslyn Metro (Orange/Blue Line)
Hares: Schrodinger’s Cock, Vaginal Countdown, 3 Wax and I’m Done, 4 Whores and 7 Rears Ago, You Sucked My Battledick, St. Pauli’s Girl
Miscellaneous Crap: Live A to A-ish trail
Weather: Warm, then cold…
On On On: Heavy Seas Alehouse
Virgins: Just Molly, Just Mauricio, Just Ben A, Just Judi, Just Liz, Just Lindsey, Just Ben H, Just Steve, Just Blake, Just Rose, and Just Katherine
Visitors: Pubic Affairs, from Los Sultanes del Norte (SDNH3) in Monterrey, Mexico
First warm-ish night of the season! About half of the hashers were dressed (as one person put it) “Weird as Fuck”, but hey, that’s what hashing is all about, right?? Confusing the crap out all muggles! The hares laid out a grueling trail with a Turkey/Eagle split, and a nice dose of shiggy and road. Then sadly, we started losing hashers to dehydration due to no beer check… ok, we didn’t really lose anyone, but we sadly had to miss the beer check due to displeasure of a security guard in parking garage. Who parks in those things anyway? (Can someone say “Ice, Ice, Baby!”? Because there was definitely some cool seats for the hares later. Now on to the stupid stuff:
– Just Ben started things off for us, with a good ‘ol racest 5k shirt. So we learned him, and the named hasher who brought him.
– Colliteral Damage had an almost pleasant dinner with Hungry, Hungry Homo who had an unfortunate allergic reaction to sushi, and “almost” yacked. Luckily CD was there to catch it!
– Squirtle had bit of a run-in with a pole, and scraped her hand when grabbing it (apparently she forgot to “Squirtle in her palm first”.
– Untrue to her name, All Flash and No Drive refused to solve a single boob-check 🙁
– Bum Springer decided to be the only Amish guy on trail to use a flashlight – so we took his picture and trapped his soul, for safe measure.
– At the start circle, Hungry, Hungry Homo got a bit tongue-tied over the “Taco, Burrito” song. Subsequent female reports throughout the evening confirmed, that his tongue is in fact, utterly worthless when it comes to tacos… of any kind.
– You Sucked My Battle Dick spent half the Walkers’ trail looking for bush…again… and it still had nothing to do with the need to urinate.
– Poor, poor Pubic Affairs was the only one on trail capable of solving our new “Visitor Check”. But for him, it was “no problemo!” Not only did he manage to find the trail, but he coincidentally also found two car stereos and a wallet, in the process!
Naming: Just Whitney
Just Whitney had quite the backstory, which began growing up in a rough neighborhood and school, so she sought refuge in the “Church Boyz Gang”, where she learned to dress like an alter boy. She supports her hashing habits through ‘freelance’, uncertified work with Autistic children. She idolizes the Disney character Mulan, because all Asians gotta stick together (even if you’re only half). Just Whitney openly admitted to having a lotta love for the Brothas and little appreciation for the more fair-skinned demographic. Appropriately, Just Whitney became: White Men Can’t Pump.
On – I’m So F-ing Thirsty – On!