EWH3# 827: The R.O.B! and Friends Trail! 6:45 PM Thursday, April 24, 2014 – Pentagon City Metro (Blue/Yellow Line)
When: 6:45 PM Thursday April 24, 2014. Pack away at 7:15!
Where: Pentagon City Metro. Exit via Pentagon City Mall, walk through the mall and parking lot, then follow Trail marks to Pentagon Row (Between Hudson Trail Outfitters and DSW).
Hares: Roll Over, Bitch! – In Your End Oh – Just Samantha – Just Meg
Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. Headlamps are a good idea, as usual. Trail is dog friendly. CHALK STARS MEANS SENSITIVE AREA, DON’T GET ARRESTED. Be smart, have fun. YEAH!
On On On: Tortoise and Hare (NOT FREDDIES)
Virgins: Just Alexis, Just Hallie, Just Michael G, Just Paul, Just Lenni, Just Michael D, Just Bill, Just Kruti, Just Jonathan, Just Lawrence
Visitors: Wild Bill, Freeze Frame (Least Worst Hash/H337), Dulce Culito, No Effin’ Hash Name William, Free Little Willie, Butt Munch (Corpus Christi)
As the weather improved, apparently the hares became confident in themselves. So confident, in fact, that they decided to “try something different.” Small tip for future hares: WE FEAR CHANGE. If hashers wanted to r*n, we’d go to the Pacers outing 3 times a week, do hill repeats till we puked, and feel accomplished for pushing our bodies to extraordinary limits #swolelife. Instead, the hares were happy to forego our liver workout and substitute a r*cist trail all the way around the Pentagon with (like) four checks and one beer check; not to dissimilar to trails previously laid when Cock Soup, Yule Log, Whiskey Business, and Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock get together… Only with less booze.
- The hares were violated for everything r*cist you could imagine. Including r*cist attire on trail, no finishers’ medals, and doing a training run AFTER the Boston Marathon.
- JAG Queen for allowing Gidget to drop a dookie on the sidewalk
- Infidelatio for being offended by a term she should be accustomed to hearing (“shrimpy little thing”)… about hasher’s jock size
- Red Vag of Courage: for expecting a “banana” at the finish line, but being disappointed there were none. And when called out for the self-violation, she remarked “story of my life”.
- Bad Dog for taking his name too literally and chasing traffic
- Tuck Tuck Deuce for the rare “tech on trail” violation, but mostly because he commented that his toys pause whenever he does.
- Close Your Eyes and Hope for the Breast and Polar Whoretex for trying to coax water from a fountain, but being unable to produce after working at it for 10 minutes repeatedly asking “Is it coming?”
- The Hares (again) for haystacking trail by making a check with “like it matters” in the middle, to which we all expected angry emails later that evening.
- Duece Culito received a commendation for whipping the RA in record time
- Little Thunder Clap for treating circle like an open book test and using notes. That’s cheating, bro
Naming: Just Chad
He hailed from Minnesota and immediately had the key to Red, White, and Poo’s chastity belt. He had a few great stories, but none as intriguing as having an ex-girlfriend that was nicknamed the assassin, and losing his anal virginity to her; totally fitting. He ended the story with the priceless info that afterwards he planned to break up with her and was simply anal hate f*cking her. There was some bit about him not coming when losing his V-card, but that wasn’t as important as the Anal Assassin. After rifling out a few names, there were a few that made us chuckle, but thanks to Jewcaca, we now have Jaba the Butt amongst our ranks.
On-I can’t believe we didn’t go to Freddie’s. What is this world coming to? I don’t like change!-On
EWH3 Stunt Scribe, I’m Tho Thor