March 19. 7:00 pm

 

Board games were the theme of this trail
A new “Mouse Trap” check did set sail
Unbeknownst to the hares
There were great screams and scares
When a real wounded rat we saw flail.

  • Hares: The Lying, The Bitch, and the Whoredrobe, 3-Piece Sextional, God Save the Peen, Rosetta Bone, Geriatric Mandering, and Mambo # Hives

Solving checks in Petworth was not easy
I’d hear “On-On” but they’d tease me
Though it won’t fit the line
I’ll force jokes to this rhyme
That inevitably will be Parcheesi.

Although I now feel you rolling your eyes
With transplants and virgins we formed ties
We hope to see them again
And grow to call them our friend
So future Thursdays we can monopolize.

  • Transplants: Nice and Izu, Tokyo; Poople’s Mountain Magisty, Little Rock
  • Virgins: Just Tina; Just Helen

Ok, enough of this rhyming nonsense. The shots and ladders trail provided many fences to climb (woops) and playgrounds on which to slide. Kindergarten Cock commanded a very fun circle, which featured a new ditty from songmeister Jew-Cock-A (featuring Roll Over, Bitch) to the tune of “Blowin’ in the Wind.” Despite the very dated reference, I think we have a new number one hit on our hands:

How many marks must the hares lay down
Before we can call it True Trail?

And how many fences must the pack hop
Before the cops send us to jail?

And how many gimmicky checks can they lay
Before all the F-R-Bs bail?

In circle my friend
You’ll drink it to the end
Down down down down down down down down….

Lest I let RO,B out-funny me, onto VIOLATIONS!

  • General Pornwallis was asked if he had two holes, and he replied: “In fact, I have three.” I don’t know how anatomy works on the other side of the pond, but ladies if you can find it, mind the gap.
  • Schrodinger’s Cock demonstrated incredible talent for guessing a woman’s bra size even under a sports bra, but only if it was written on the back of Penis Fly Trap’s shirt.
  • Cooter Cunte asked a group of men for help getting the back door open and had no shortage of takers.
  • Just Alex proudly announced he doesn’t need to wear shorts over his running tights because he has “nothing to hide.” Fortunately, the ladies of EWH3 have low expectations.
  • True Bromance and Hungry Hungry Homo discussed which Cosby Show stars have appeared in Playboy, and I hear the Claire Huxtable spread was impressive, and finally
  • It was Italian night in the home of The Gourd, the Bad, and the Slutty, because Whiskey Business announced he was going to “make like manicotti and stuff it.”

We attempted a naming, but (like most EWH3 men) came up short. Rest assured that “Brett the Shitman Shart” will be going in my back pocket and will come up again. Makes me giggle every time. Fortunately as consolation, hot wieners were on special at Bravo Bar, so we all went home satisfied.

On- Bubonic Plague -On
— Red, White, and Poo