Hash Trash: EWH3 #886: The Eskimo Brother Database Trail

When: April 30, 2015

Where: Foggy Bottom (Silver/Blue/Orange lines)

Hares: Wreath Around, Sorest Rump, Jew-Cock-A, Tuck Tuck Deuce, Red White & Poo, YOCO

On After: Mr. Smith’s (neé Chadwick’s)

If April showers bring May flowers then what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims, of course. The haven of circles and checks had enough people to to start our own settlement this week.

Our Virgins — who included Justs Adam, Amanda, Brian, Caroline, Chelsey, Chrissy, Christina, Dan, Eli, Elise, Emma, Eric, Ian, Krista, Selina and more — were welcomed in the town square upon their arrival. Our Visitors — Cocktroller, Country Fried Semen, Limp Lips and others — avoided the stocks and pillory through some thoughtful exhibition.

But your town crier still has some news to share:

  • Stain Gretzky described, in shock and awe, her first anal sex experience: “He just slipped it in.”
  • Turn the Meat Around kept true to his disco-inspired name and dressed for a coke fueled night at Studio 54.
  • True Bromance wandered away with a pitcher at beer check proving as selfish at the hash as in bed.
  • VD showed us he was the world’s only troll that would actually let someone pass under the bridge.
  • Special Red took some time to audition for his circus tight rope act on trail, or he may just be a human-sized red squirrel.
  • And, keeping true to some of the night’s theme, your Steelers Nation hashers had to tell the Patriots fans on trail a hard truth.

Finally, hear ye hear ye, the village of Everyday is Wednesday, has an important announcement. This week was a very special occasion for Just Matt of Maryland, a business development ninja who suffers from sexual amnesia yet can recall getting arrested in a lot of other countries. Getting high (as in altitude) provides him some thrills, and the other high just makes him chill. “All right, all right, all right,” as his man crush would say. The circle made McConauga-hey a front runner, ditto to Blazed & Abused and Clark Can’t. But the villagers voted with loud applause, hoots and hollers to welcome You’re in Grande Trouble to our experiment in communal drinking.

Marking my territory,

~ Mambo # Hives