Whoregon Trail and Sphincter Shy are getting married! Weddings are a lot of work, or so I hear, but do you know what requires even more planning, logistics, and stress with a bunch of people you barely know who’ve come to drink your booze celebrate you? A white dress run!

Luckily, I’m here to help. I proudly present the:

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‘Twas a somewhat lovely evening as we set out for Whoregon and Sphincters’ white dress run. We traversed Capitol Hill and managed to hold off the 100% chance of rain until the end. Trusty’s proved a fine venue for the reception, where we wished the happy couple our very best.

We celebrated even more for Whoregon, who in addition to Special Red, Head Injury, and Mursey Fuck (really?!) celebrated their analversaries with a new pair of underuse!

Sadly, as Semisonic says, “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” This week also marked the final EWH3 trail of the alliterative group of Special Red, Saigon Sally, and Slothy Seconds who are all moving away L. Come back and see us soon, kiddos!

And with that—VIOLATIONS!!

  • Downward Facing Doggy Style was violated for racism because you don’t want to be caught wearing a white dress when you’re on the Ragnar.
  • Texas Hold Him went down on trail, as he is want to do, but unfortunately this time came up all bloody.
  • Sorest Rump changed his shirt to match YOCO. Trust me, nothing improves when changed for a Yoko.
  • Slut Machine complained of frequent bloody nipples, just like
  • Kindergarten Cock’s ex-lover who had seven (7!) nipples. Instead of screaming “oh, oh, oh!” in bed, KC’s ex-lady screamed “arf, arf, arf!”, and finally
  • The hares were violated for running us past the Marine barracks, which was totally unfair to the bride. Why show her a few good men when she has to go home with Sphincter?

In the midst of all the celebrations and a thunderstorm, we tried to name Just Caroline. Alas, all the suggestions completely sucked and we were forced to throw her back. Fear not, sweet Caroline (bum, bum, bum), I’d be inclined to believe we’ll be funny next time.

Now, that’s a Diamond reference. And on a wedding week, no less!

Congrats to Whoregon and Sphincter!!

On-Love wins-On
Red, White, and Poo