July 23, 2015. 7:00 PM
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What happens next in the tale of our virgin? Oh, you’ll just have to wait two years and pay another $14 dollars to find out, because none of these goddamn movies has an ending and they just set up fucking sequels.

Staring the Hares: Sorest Rump, Kindergarten Cock, La Gingeracha, Head Shart, You Sucked My Battledick
Introducing the Virgins: Just Danielle, Just Geoff, Just Isabel, Just Jeremy, Just Jim, Just Jocelyn, Just Kathryn, Just Michael, Just Miguel, Just Morgan, Just Todd
With Cameos by the Visitors: Calendar Girl, M. C. Pee Pants, What the Heck
Filmed on Location: Tyber Bierhouse

Directed by RA Kindergarten Cock.

Written by the team of contributors to VIOLATIONS!!

  • RG3Some was violated for not even trying to look like Poison Ivy
  • Just Todd faceplanted on trail twice. He must have X-Ray vision or something, because his superpower clearly isn’t flight.
  • You’re In Grande Trouble was dressed like Captain America but donned a turban, proving he was not the Captain of “Real ‘Murica.”
  • The hares were violated because none of the tit checks were solved by the nipples on the outside of Kindergarten Cock’s costume, and
  • Just Jim was not wearing his kilt like a proper Scotsman. He had three swords but only let us play with the boring two.

And speaking of, we had a NAMING!!

Just Brian is an international man of intrigue. He lived in Greece and fucked up their economy, he was briefly kidnapped in Egypt, and is off to the Bagdad soon to promote world peace through beer. He was familiar with parking decks, where cops had previously interrupted his trysts with questionably young-looking women, and he was familiar with the sands of the Middle East since he once received a blow-job described as “feeling like sandpaper.” Despite this excitement, his storytelling was a bit lackluster. A few names were suggested including “Foreign Cervix,” “Why So Serious?,” and “Meso-po-lamia,” but because this world adventurer failed to show much personality, he’ll henceforth be known as The Boring Identity!

On- Hollywood calls -On
Red, White, and Poo