Where: College Park Metro (Green line)

Hares: Please Step Away from the Whores, Don’t Ask Don’t Smell, Uno Dos Tres LIFTOFF, Can’t find Pussy in a Haystack, and Trim Shady

On After: Cornerstone Grill and Loft

Start up the DeLorean, strike up some Huey Lewis and strap on your hover board, we’re going to Hill Valley.

This week we welcomed future virgins Justs Elizabeth, Mike and Sean.

And just like Biff driving into the manure truck, these people took some shit on trail:

  • Just Elise and Just Dave — who are so hipster that she used a mason jar as her vessel and he was literally zenning out by doing yoga.
  • Carnie x5 Cumeleon — a language lesson for him: the French word for parkour is douche.
  • Prince Charmin — said he lost the tip in the trash … How dare you treat a woman like garbage!
  • All Flash, No Drive — who was frb’ing at a turkey-eagle split. While we always knew eagles can fly, we found out her turkeys can, too.
  • Whoregon Trail, Yellow Line and Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack — the ladies petted Pussy on trail and didn’t share. Which made haystack mad so he butted in and was promptly bit.
  • Just Sean — who was asked by Just Eliza how much a one on one session would be in his kitchen.
  • The hares — who obviously learned nothing from what happens when you see a shady van in an empty parking lot.

And just like the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance, we had a very solemn occasion. Before she heads overseas to continue her teaching experience, we got to know a little more about Just Elise. Fitting for the evening’s location, she is a Maryland Terrapin even down to her shoes and her stories kept in theme, too. There was the time security interrupted her having sex in a campus fountain but only after they were watching for a quite a while. Or the time that when meeting a stranger at spring break and almost getting arrested while giving head turns out to be your new work study colleague. But perhaps most importantly, she spent time in a collegiate a cappella group so circle up aca-bitches and welcome, Blow-Re-Mi.

On — Great Scott! — on,

Mambo # Hives