When: August 13, 2015

Where: Rosslyn (Blue, Orange, Silver lines)

Hares: Uno, Dos, Tres, LIFTOFF!; Mellow Foreskin Cheese; Cum Dumpling; Coxxx on Demand; and a mystery hare

On After: Continental Pool Lounge

The U.S. was famously built upon the tenants of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, while D.C. was infamously built on top of a swamp. This week, we went the infamous route (naturally) and continued our tour of local marshes, waterways and shiggy.

Members of our pack found out they could have a second career as B-movie monsters: be it our virgins — Justs Adam, Christine, Emily, Garrett, Kristi, Mariana, and Mark — starring as Creature from the Black Lagoon — or our visitors — Condom Style, Dances With Balls and Lips — starring as Swamp Thing.

But just like every week, some folks found themselves simply listed as the extra in the credits as “Stupid Person 1” —

  • Shamrock Your Cock had pandas on her knees and is on her knees for Tony Panda.
  • Blow Ray Me and Just Adam were seen throwing balls of seaweed on trail but there is much better way to enjoy sushi.
  • Vladimir Fruitin smacked Penis Fly Trap‘s ass and got a mud facial.
  • Camo Sutra loves shiggy so much it makes her cum
  • We thought Uno, Dos, Tres, LIFTOFF! learned to hash in Korea not Vietnam
  • The hares for giving this Millennial- and Gen Y-heavy crowd all ‘Nam flashbacks.

And finally we got to know more about the survivor of this shiggy-filled horror film: Just Tim. He is a smarty pants computer engineer who went to the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute but spends much of his time at the theater among fellow techies and thespians. While he may collect esoteric Unix machines, his stories veered to the (not so) erotic. Blow jobs are always good in his opinion and his most theatrical sexual experience involved props in the fly loft. But we cannot forget that one time he lost a vibrator inside a woman’s vagina. Was it ever retrieved? No clue, but we do know that his name is now Knocking on Heaven’s Whore.
On — turtle sex turns me — On,

~ Mambo # Hives