September 17, 2015. 7:00 pm.

  • Location: Woodley Park
  • Hares: Muppet Rapies, Colliteral Damage, Hell’s Anal, All Flash No Drive, You Sucked My Battledick, and RG3some
  • Virgins: Just Rachelle, Just Ryan
  • Visitors: Curved for Her Pleasure, One Trick Dick, Worm, Shut the Fuck Up Special Fred
  • On-After: Atomic Billiards

Glitty Clitty Gang Bang and S&MOM are a colorful couple to say the least, and white dresses would simply never suffice. Searching for a gift to help them celebrate? Look no further than their registry:

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The hares led the brightly colored pack through Rock Creek Park and the sparkliest parts of the upper Northwest. Glitter was plentiful, but flour was hard to come by.

Fortunately, some strippers arrived in time for end circle. Unfortunately, they were the wrong kind, so we set off to the bar, staked out a little corner, and Kindergarten Cock conducted a rare EWH3 indoor circle.

Aside from the failure of these strippers to get naked, there were some other: VIOLATIONS!!

  • Our lovely bride Glitty Clitty Gang Bang announced she “supports phallus all around.” We agree and also support her lips around S&MOM’s phallus.
  • Tragic Carpet Ride donned his patriotic pants for the occasion. He adhered to the rainbow theme, but wore the only colors that matter: red, white, and blue, motherfuckers!
  • Cum Dumpling got in a lengthy argument at beer check in which he denied basic scientific facts like gravity. Unfortunately, it seems he was a few days late for Tuesday’s Republican Presidential debate.
  • Maybe it’s Gaybelline proposed to Pinochio-ho at one point on trail. While a gay white dress run would be fabulous, it’d probably have fewer rainbows than this evening’s trail.
  • Kindergarten Cock declared that “in my world, loose isn’t necessarily a bad thing.” In unrelated news, congratulations on your engagement to RG3Some! And finally,
  • S&MOM is advised not to let the hares give him any tips on his wedding night. If he used their map to the little Glitty Clitty, he’d certainly never find it.

Since we were in a bar where pouring beer over shirtless people generally frowned upon, there was no naming. We continued drinking, toasted the happy couple, and put our boobs on the pool tables since other body parts were prohibited!

On-CreativeWeddingHashtag-On
Red, White, and Poo