Ballston Metro, Orange line.
November 5, 7:00 pm.
The 916th anal meeting of the United Nations Security Council was called to order. Our first order of business was to welcome our virgin member-states. Next we scoured through the woods looking for our nation’s flags. All but the Russian flag were found, though it was suggested that said flag be replaced with a pair of boobs and the council agreed unanimously.
The council then agreed to sanction the following members for their violations.
Around the Wolrd in 80 Lays for her excitement that god has told her size does not matter. Gentlemen – take note.
You Sucked My Battledick and Ejaculation Overruled for participating in a kinky BDSM scene on trail. It was argued that perhaps this ought to be a commendation, but the council did not agree to the amendment.
Jewcocka was caught engaging in phone sex on trail (also arguably a commendation),
Can’t Find Pussy In A Haystack, who is currently a candidate for UN Secretary General, very arguably alpha-hared a worse trail than Just Donald (Trump) or Just Ben (Carson) would.
Our visitor, Sandy Cougar-Snatch displayed a $100 bill in his G-string. Given that he had shown the goods for free earlier, we were pretty convinced that he goes for a lot cheaper than that.
And Just Kimmy was sanctioned for inappropriate footwear in the council chamber. Though in light of Just Kimmy being a virgin member, Just Danielle her sponsor state was punished in her place.
Finally, we inducted Just Mark into the Security Council, and since all member-states undergo a name change, we conducted a lengthy debate on what his new name should be. Just Mark is quite proud of the fact that he’s dating the little sister of a basic cable TV star, and that after losing his virginity he stopped talking to the girl for three years. Several excellent choices such as Db Pooper Brave Sir Robin, and Piss Brown were nomination. However, in the end his love for puppy dogs and threesomes (which are hopefully mutually exclusive) earned him the name Kibbles and Tits.
And the meeting was adjourned with beer for all