When: December 10, 2015
Where: Pentagon City Metro (Blue / Yellow Line)
Hares: CoXXX on Demand, Dildo Shaggins, La Gingeracha, PoopBenaDick, and Put It Out
Virgins: Just Kevin, Just Jon, Just Dan
On-After: Freddie’s Beach Bar
Reasons your mother is disappointed in you:
- Vaginal Countdown explained that she selected her elf costume primarily because it was first thing she could find at Walmart for 2 dollars. This is also how Polly Wanna CrackWhore found his girlfriend.
- YOCO gave Wookin Pa Nub some very explicit sartorial directions, to ensure that she could hear him coming at all times.
- Fingerrrrrr led the pack astray, mistaking bird poop for flour. This explains why his birthday cakes taste so bad.
- Maybe It’s Gaybelline dressed as Bicycle Advocacy Santa, wearing a helmet to ensure he was prepared for any sleigh crashes. He also knows when you’re sleeping.
- The hares celebrated a Christmas miracle by conceiving an entire trail without any white stuff.
And, we held a very solemn occasion for Just Iana, who grew up in Maryland, but was born inKazakhstan. (I like!) She studied French and philosophy at Hood College and is very fond of her rabbit dildo. She lost her virginity to a man she met through jiu jitsu because she wanted to beat his ass and couldn’t resist his pheromones. She’s also had sex on the scaffolding of the Catholic University basilica at 6am. Many names were offered, such as Toys in the Hood, Fister Miyagi, and Clitoral Combat, but none could beat that level in the name game. Henceforth, Just Iana shall be known as Martial Farts!
On – coal in my shiggy socks – on,