When: May 12, 2016

Where:  Court House Metro (Orange and Silver Line)

Hares:  A Salt My Ass, Oh The Humanatee, The Great White MILF, The Sexorcist, Zero Shart 30,  and Floral Sex

Virgins:  Just Evan, Just Matt, Just Mike, Just Sam, Just Hannah, Just Rachel, and (sigh) Just Zach

Visitor:  Animal (Tokyo) and +2 Coonass (Boston)

On-After:  First Down Sports Bar and Grill

Violations

  • Let me just start by saying, the hares were snared on trail.   #notshocked
  • COXXX on Demand and Cum Dumpling were both caught heinously ruining and dropping beer cans at beer check. Despite the athletic accomplishments of these two, it’s pretty clear that alcohol abuse runs in the family.
  • Cum Brew Lay tried to violate Chippenfailz for chasing a rabbit while on trial. Excuse me, how long have you been hashing?  Did you forget that chasing hares is THE WHOLE POINT?!
  • Intrepid virgin Just Zach had a literal-run in with a car. I have never seen so much blood when somebody lost their virginity.  Sorry honey, once your virginity’s gone even stitching yourself back together won’t bring your dignity back.
  • On that note, it’s been SO long since Shamrock Your Cock lost her virginity that she couldn’t even remember the virgin song at start circle. Remember kids, once you’ve lost your virginity it’s your job to help as many others lose their virginity as quickly as possible.  Spread the hash!!!
  • Big In Japan complained that tonight’s trail was the longest tunnel he’s ever been in in NoVa. Maybe you should try hanging around some of the JMU sorority houses and see if that changes.
  • And the hares were violated for leading the pack behind an abandoned house with exposed electrical cables. I would have just stayed home to Netflix and Chill if I wanted to watch reruns of The Wire.

The pack being utterly exhausted and abused after that shitshow of a trial, there was no naming.  (That was an accidental typo, but that trail was more like a trial so Imma just leave it like that.)

 

On – everything hurts – on,

Stain Gretzky