When: 6:45 PM Thursday May 26th, 2016.
Where: U Street (Yellow/ Green)
Hares: Kooter Kunte, Intestine the Waters, Happy Poo Year, Roll Over, Bitch!, Chip off the Old Cock
Virgins: Just Kathy, Kelly, Jenny, Kylie, Erik, Madeleine, and Liz
Visitors: Horation Hornblower, Dog Chow
On-After: Penn Commons
Trail was… a disaster? A mean girl’s trick? It’s unclear, but the record does reflect the Hares were iced – some more than they should have been and some less. But hey! The crowd’s will is fickle and its heart was on a rampage. Beer check was not to be had, so the trek to end was long and dry… luckily end circle was at an old and favorite location, so everyone seemed to make it in – bedraggled, late, and puffing – but in.
And besides the hares getting violated all night, you other wankers did some stupid shit too:
- Texas Hold ‘Em was VERY excited about all of the virgins, and then this happened:
Harriette: “But they’re all girls.”
Texas: “I just like Virgins.”
Harriette:”That one’s a dude.”
Texas: “Long hair – it counts”
So, apparently, dudes with long hair were Texas’ gateway drug.
- Just Nick got his leaky bucket plugged in the kitchen by Just Jenny – he never had it so good. (REMINDER – kitchen is code for butt.)
- Wait Wait Don’t Fuck Me was overheard to say “Wait, wait, just push it back in.”
- Just Natasha was heard to brag she can pick up more women than Osama… this is probably true.
- Virgin Queen got PI while using his sex swing
- Diddler on the Roof was dressed so well, that Choked One Out thought he might be a “cute little boy” she could tempt to her kitchen. I’m including the quotes, bc she was adamant that I said it right.
And then after all of that (and many other violations from the crowd and icing of the hares for more).. there was A NAMING!
Just Dan (H) is a Towson tiger and a Software Engineer, from Germantown who has never been mean to his siblings. He lost his V card to a girl named Megan and never looked back! He bangs Megans exclusively now. He likes big things in the kitchen and used to go by the handle kooldawg007. He has a fondness for fences (I have no idea what that means), no balls and shits in the tub while being called pretty. He swipes left for doggiestyle, and his favorite Disney bang would be Kronk. There were some great names for this one, from Shart of the Deal to Chinese Finger Tramp. But in the end, there was no doubt: henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing, Just Dan shall be known as